Supporter Whew!

[John Hamilton]

I don't even know where to start. My girlfriend is going to Exposure Therapy for PTSD. We've been together off and on for a total of 5 years. I can't say the last 5 have been great but it hasn't been all bad either. At this point I'm trying to digest as much information as I can so I can understand what's going on with her. It is very hard not to take her actions personal sometimes. Then she has very little apathy or it feels like she doesn't really get or understand what it's like to date her. I'm sure she has a lot going on in her mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Does this get better? Any support would be good.

 

[nursenurse]

Welcome to the forum, check out the Supporters' section for help.

The getting better part is dependent on how much she is trying to get better. She has started therapy so that is good. Things sometimes get worse before they become better. You don't give very much info here, so I don't want to comment or speculate too much especially since you have put some valuable time into the relationship.

PTSD does not make people aliens anymore than diabetes does. but it has its own set of issues and peculiarities that can be managed with the right kind of help as any health problem out there can. But it starts with the sufferer.

Are you enabling - trying to fix everything, forgetting your own needs? This happens easily in PTSD relationships. Since she is seeking help, then education for yourself and counselling for you would help.

As with any relationship, PTSD or not, she may not be "that into you" as well. You can't use PTSD as an excuse for that, which means you may have blinders on, or one or both of you could be in denial.

Again, there is not really enough information to comment on properly, I have just wanted to give you a few things to think about. I wish you both all the best.

 

[Laurie McLaughlin]

Hi John,

PTSD can be hard to deal with because you are dealing with an unseen enemy and for me, having put a few boyfriends through it myself, it can also be very unpredictable as to when it will arise.

But it is great that she is finally seeking help for it and I hope that it works out for the best for you guys.

Namaste - Laurie

 

[intothelight]

Hi John,

Welcome to the forum!

Learn all that you can about PTSD to increase your own understanding. While therapy is extremely helpful in the long run, it can make symptoms more pronounced in the beginning. (What you may see here being referred to "as getting worse before it gets better"). Honestly, just ask your girl friend what she needs and if there are things that you find confusing, request clarification. She may not know herself, but be patient and as hard as it is, try not to personalize some of her behaviors.

This site is a great place to get support for yourself as being the support for someone else can be more difficult when you are doing it alone.

Debbie

 

[Sweetpea76]

Welcome John :)

 

[Al_Lurker]

...Learn all that you can about PTSD to increase your own understanding....

I think that's the best piece of advice you'll see. I wish very much I'd heard it a year ago. Life would have been very different.

My 2 cents? Don't make the mistake of thinking you can do this alone. You can learn much from being here but make sure you have professional help.

 

[Never Give Up]

I am 4 months into a wife that has not been diagnosed yet. As a supporter, please make sure you do not take what is said to you as personal. Please make sure that you do not allow yourself to carry any guilt that you may be accused of. Surround yourself with people you can go to that can support your situation. Venting is important because you are not going to be able to fix the other person, and is they are not willing to seek help...you will be in this situation for a long time. How strong are you, how dedicated are you. If you can mentally grasp the fact that she is a shell of what she used to be, she will notice that you stuck it through to tough times.

I know this is just advice from my current experiences and your situation is unique from everyone who posts here. Take what you can apply it for the good of your situation.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[John Hamilton]

Thanks everybody for all your support. The more understanding I have the easier it has been to accept her behavior.