Which Ptsd Symptom Bothers You The Most And What Are You Doing About It?

[Friday]

Whichever one I'm currently struggling with.

 

[Whisperer Wind]

Anger. I work all day on staying as calm as possible. I'm back to using my tools after having neglected them for too long. Today was a good day because I didn't get angry today. Well, not really.

 

[Ronin]

That I don't have an elixir to revive dead people.

... Whichever reliving the times that falls into. This one is just doing repeated tours, getting me everytime.

 

[StellaBlue]

...and my "freeze" response...I hate that. Especially because, apparently, I don't look frozen, I look calm and collected, but my brain essentially seizes up...not quite dissociation, I don't think (or maybe it is).

 

[Saint Nik]

Think mines could be hypervigilance as well. I am so sick of being aware (beware!!!) of minuscule sensations in my body when I am very relaxed, either sitting with company, watching TV or not particularly doing anything. All of a sudden my mind brings my attention to the sensations - heavy weight in my arm, then tingles (usually the left arm) and it starts to be this doctor inside my brain telling me it's something serious with my heart! Of course, this can set of anxiety in me and start panicking! Or the tingly sensations I can get in my face, around the lips! Sometimes this crushing feeling in my heart, like it's in a vice and being squashed (had it checked it out, I am seemingly very healthy with good heart health, go figure!) then this pain can turn into my rib cage cuddling into my body, crushing my organs (this is a scary symptom!) So yeah, I think it's my awareness and attention on my body so much and always concerned with it. I just can't seem to forget about it.

Not like the way I use to when I was a kid. If I fell off a swing and split my head, or the time I fell off my bike and skinned my knees badly. . . soon as it was seen to I would be back out playing with my sweets with not a care in the world. Even the time I was given penicillin and my throat swelled up (how I found out I was allergic to it) and even then this didn't scare me!!! But now? Everything scares me, every twinge, every sensations, every ache. . . constant questioning, oh-no, what's that? Something is wrong, the doctor's have misdiagnosed me, etc. . . it's endless and it's exhausting.
Tried CBT but that worked a little. . . because the more I challenge thoughts, the more my brain challenges my challenges lol.
There is a part of me though that is just floating! Been reading a lot of books by Claire Weekes, how she states that we should just allow ourselves to feel whatever we feel, without the story telling, without analysing, questions, trying to fix, trying to make better. Helps a little, not all the time! So, I would say plenty of researching, educating myself as much as I can with books, the web (staying clear of symptoms checkers, obviously lol) about PTSD, c-PTSD, anxiety, panic disorders, depression. . . started reading about buddhism, zen, mindfulness. . . this can help a little too (sometimes). Just never giving up and learn more about it, re-learn and being on sites like this helps too, especially feeling I am not alone and that brings a connection I need too! :)

 

[Kailani]

I like hypervigilance cuz it has saved me from a bunch of bad situations. I don't like this dissociating from myself split off pieces-and my startle reaction is a bit concerning

 

[StellaBlue]

Hypervigilance / startle response - our clothes dryer has a buzzer (which I leave off) - but the boys will turn it on when they use the dryer. I damn near jump out of my skin when they do this...and then I end up being what my younger son calls "exploding mom".

 

[KuanYin]

Probably my body's hypersensitive response to adrenaline. Running is anxiety inducing and cardio exercise make my mind and heart go into chaos mode. My body doesn't factor in why a certain chemical/endorphin is in the bloodstream, only that it is there, and it automatically interprets that as a negative.
It's frustrating not being able to feel excitement about something because my body only knows anxiety! And I'd like to be able to run without anxiety sidelining me. I've been trying to exercise in small increments and trying to be mindful of my breathing so that the panic doesn't send me off into dissociation land.

 

[InvisibleSun]

Dissociation has really been a problem for me lately. A bigger part of my day to day living in recent months has made it hard for me to feel connected and engaged. I'm knocking on the door..but no ones there.

Body Memories: So vivid..I can feel their touch..the texture and pressure of their fingertips. Makes my skin crawl..

Isolation: I don't want to be alone..I want love and connection so badly but human interaction exhausts me.

Self-Loathing: I f*cking hate myself...I've always hated myself. I've always wanted to be anybody else but me. I don't think I deserve love or happiness. I don't believe in myself at all or think I am capable of anything substantial. It's like unwrapping a piece of gum and realizing its already been chewed..I feel like damaged goods..

Lack of trust/Paranoia: I trust no one 100%. I hate being vulnerable. I hate talking about my feelings. I need to live with my pain alone. And I don't like strangers.. I cringe every time a man I don't know stares at me.

So I think those are the worst ones for me...I'm working on a lot of these issues and some of the mindsets are changing but it is definitely going to take a lot of time. I've learned to find comfort within all of my madness..a safeness and familiarity that I have called home for far too long. But I know that one day, I won't have to feel so broken anymore.

 

[KuanYin]

I can sooooo relate to the isolation part. Being around people, be it strangers or loved ones, exhausts me to no end. I know we humans are supposed to be social creatures and all but sometimes I feel like becoming a hermit, or at least more of one than I already am!

Oh and the self loathing, ugh! That's been there for as long as I can remember. Absolutely hate it but can't seem to shake it.

 

[Ellabella44]

Depends on the day. Some days I'm struggling with a lot of symptoms.

 

[PTSDbegone]

Dissociation for me. I go into a trance like state, and often get lost. It's really interrupting my life.