Mine is an on-going, work in progress. I tell you, it feels like my other full-time job. :banghead: :rolleyes:
What is a challenge for me is to have unexpected triggers. I've come to expect them at work, where I interface with 20 staff members and 20 clients a day, during our hottest, summer season, and our lowest, staffed season..
What I didn't expect was to be triggered by my therapist.:cry: Ouch! :eek: I instantly froze. I was really not ready for this one; my therapist has not been the triggering-type.
What did I do about it?
1. I took inner action right away. With my mind and muscles so tight, used the Alexander Technique to ask for my mindbody to make a change-from tension to ergonomic/easeful movement, and then I put all of my energy in my intention to work through my fight or flight wish, while I remained civil with my therapist, and explained to him what was happening.
2. I make sure to move as soon as I can. I stood up and moved around the room, while
3. I become the defender :stop:of myself : I told my therapist that his tone of voice, and his use of the word "You" , were so close to the words and tone of voice I heard before I was beaten, that I had an instinctual response. The next step I took, was too ask my therapist whether or not he intentionally tried to trigger me.
4. I became the protector :cp:of myself. Finally, I asked my therapist if he intentionally triggered me, (he said no-I believed him because he never has in the 4 years that I have worked with him), and I asked him if triggering me was part of his care plan for me. (If it was, I was out of there, since a previous therapist used this 'exposure therapy' style, and it was terribly re-tramautizing.). My therapist said he would do his best to not trigger me again.
5. I made a new plan. I realize that I need to educate my therapist about the use of "You" statements, with me. And I need to take actions, right away to help myself, if it happens again...which of course it will, even unintentionally. Even with the best of therapists there are unintentional triggers.
Now with work, that is another matter:bored:. There are bullies:devilish:-(who never get paid or have the job of being therapeutic ;) :roflmao:), of which I re-encountered at a social event, last night; or should I say, they initiated a conflict with me. While being at the other end of a large table, the bully broadcast her question to me, which (inside story) was to imply blame and shame upon me.
What did I do about it?
1. After freezing, I un-froze, using the Alexander Technique. Then I was able to recognize :geek: that it was a bullying tactic, to attempt to humiliate someone in public. (An old trick of my parents used, right before being beaten in public.)
2. I resourced :bookworm: some sentences I'd rehearsed, to use in moments like this, so that I could think on my feet, where I could verbally demonstrate a boundary :stop:and, simultaneously, say something that would not escalate the situation.
3. To defend myself, and not trigger them, I gave a neutral response :sneaky:.
4. When instantly challenged, by the bullies friend, I repeated my statement, neutrally:angelic:, while giving them a correction :x3: in my words, "This is not a bad topic, it is a topic that I don't talk about." (I've found that the less information that the bullies have is the better.
5. To protect myself, I disengaged them, and moved the conversation to a co-worker besides me.
6. Since my abdomenal muscles were continuing to contract when I arrived home, I made sure to take my nightly dose of benzos, at a slightly higher dose- that I take with stronger triggers.
7. Today I sought support :hug:after the social gathering, met with a friend, went to an Alanon Meeting, and had an Alexander Technique lesson.
8. I walked 1.5 miles, while I did a walking meditation.
9. And I came to this forum to write about it; I was lucky :) that what I wanted to share, fit under this thread.
The additional things that I have done that have helped to decrease the time it takes to recover from triggers:
1. I gave up friends, family, and mates that were triggering.
2. I don't listen to the news, regularly.
3. I changed my diet. Going off wheat and dairy has made a been difference.
4. I make sure to regularly use my SSRI and benzos.
5. I study how to relax my body-Alexander Technique.
6. I keep expanding, learning and implementing the usual therapy stuff; non-violent communication with myself and others.
7. Study self-defense, it really helps 'embody' the right to physically protect myself, which gives me psychological protection.
Like rigorous exercise, a good self-defense class moves me through the flight/fight/freeze response, and moves me closer to/ back in my center.:)
