Who Am I? Split Self...

[LostGirl]

Yep, definitely know about fragmentation. Dissociation is common with PTSD, and so is fragmentation. If you ever need to find a new therapist because your current one does not understand and is not helpful with what you are going through, look for one who really knows about trauma and what all occurs to someone who suffers through trauma.

 

[Dylan]

Hi Warrior,

I practice "stretching' my comfortability. I'm finding I can't force myself to be present, but I can sometimes stretch a little.

In my office, if I shut my door, I can be fairly present. Sometimes when I'm out walking and passing near someone, I can ask myself to be a bit more present (than my default would dictate).

I set my computer timer here at work to remind me every 30 minutes to "check in", to bring myself back to myself, to get back "behind my own eyes", to focus on what I'm feeling (and if it's numbness, which it often is, try to scratch beneath that surface and find any emotions that I'm feeling in the background). At home, I wear a watch with an alarm that I've set to go off every hour.

HTH-
-Dylan

 

[warrior]

Several things I have been learning recently which seem to help with being more present to myself:
1. DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) which has a component of mindfulness practice
2. homeopathy
3. exercises from energy medicine

Homeopathy and energy medicine both refer to the subtle energies that are present in our being. I am astonished how they really support at an 'energetic' level the psychological work I am doing.

Warrior

 

[Dylan]

Hi Warrior,

Can you say more about these tools you're using? I practiced mindfulness meditation (45 minutes a day for about 2 years), but that in and of itself had only moderate affect.

I am seeing a naturopath who has prescribed Zisyphus for anxiety & that helps quite a bit, but what homeopathy are you using? What is DBT and what 'energy medicine' are you doing?

Thanks,
Dylan

 

[Ironangel]

Before I became conscious of my trauma, for a long time my husband thought I had multiple personalities. This is because when I got "triggered" in the past (such as when he would leave during a disagreement or I thought he was "abandoning" me in some way), my personality would degenerate to a helpless childlike one. Uncontrollable crying, obsessing about the relationship etc. Also, my memory was/is so spotty and we would have entire conversations I would subsequently completely forget. I would only find out about these things when I tried to initiate the exact same conversation later and he would say, "Um we had this exact discussion last week, don't you remember?" and I wouldn't remember in the slightest. This of course scared the crap out of me, but now I'm relatively certain these are PTSD symptoms.

Wow, I'm new here, and the first paragraph you wrote describes what I go through to a T... my boyfriend and I are really going through issues and about breaking up over whether or not he can handle dealing with this stuff. He is going to start going to my counseling appointments with me to understand things better. It is so frustrating, I know...

 

[void]

:clap: Excellent thread!!! :clap:

Every post on this thread is helpful to me and I wanted to thank each of you for your words. Some of you have done some very impressive work on yourselves.:clap::clap:

Void:smile:

 

[uplate]

I went through this a while ago, I was a performer as well so I had to "sort out which was the real me", on stage or off. The answer was both just one was an amplified part of me that would otherwise be smaller. Discussing this with the psychologist I was seeing at the time it also made me realise just how quick some of them are to pathologise something that was an accepted and acknowledged part of my work, it made me wary when it surfaced as part of the trauma therapy experience.

Suffeing PTSD you're going to get strong responses to things that trigger you and problems with memory when you're stressed, you're not going mad even if it does feel that way. It's unreasonable to expect to react in an everyday way to this especially if you don't understand what is happening or why. It's disorientating.

Connecting the response to the trigger I lost the feeling my reactions were spontainious, it gave an explaination as to why I got those reactions. I got to know what will give me problems and what to expect which reduced the intensity, and statergies to deal with the symptoms enabled me better to cope when I get triggered. Those were the lines along which my improvement has progressed.

Grounding helped too, both in my physical environment through awareness/tactile sensations and understanding better what I felt like when this stuff wasn't so acute, intensity and regularity of symptoms became a barometer for my stress level and recovery.

 

[jennifer0506]

i know exactly how you feel. I have one side of me, that wants to help other people more than anything and i care for people immensely. i put anyone above me.
But another side of me, is that i am so selfish. i blame others for my defects, i get obsessive over the tiniest little things, and pissed off that 'someone' messed up my home, when infact it was me as i am a very untidy person.
And another side of me, is just mean. i say nasty, unexplainable things. its never jealousy, im just set off by anything, anger consumes me and i say nasty things.

I do not know how to help. and im sorry. But i care, and i understand.