Who Do You Tell About Your Ptsd?

[patrick]

Sometimes I feel like I need to justify my more outlandish behavior by admitting to someone else that I have PTSD. After telling another person that I have PTSD I often feel like I am begging for sympathy. Then there are the times I feel like I am using it as an excuse for my inability to fully engage with much of anything. Most of the time I don't want to admit that I am weak enough to have PTSD, so I don't tell anybody.

At fifty-nine years old, surely I should be over something that happened forty years ago for god's sake! And yet, I take advantage of it. I live on disability payments from the Veterans Administration and Social Security. If somebody wants to know what I do, I tell them I'm retired. In most cases I am embarrassed to tell anybody. They'll surely think I'm just faking it. And who knows, maybe I am. What is PTSD, anyway? What wierdness can I explain away with it? What kinds of self destructive and anti-social behavior are okay because of it?

In a moment of desperation I sometimes tell somebody else I have PTSD to explain why I did or didn't do something or why I can't do something else. Then I feel like a complete idiot. Why did I tell them? What will they think of me now? And who the hell cares anyway? It's the strangest thing. I want everybody to understand why I am the way I am, and I don't want anybody to know there is anything wrong with me.

Who do you tell about your PTSD? And when? And why?

 

[Philippa]

I think everything you've said is perfectly understandable. I don't think someone who takes advantage of social security would worry about it like you are...so I think it's fair to say that you are just being hard on yourself, just my opinion here.

Why do you think that there 'should' be a time limit for when you "get over" the traumas you have known and the things you have seen, which I can only guess were horrific in nature, if you were in vietnam during the war?

I don't think anyone who has been in the middle of a war scene could ever fully get over the things they have witnessed...and I wasn't even there. Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe what you saw wasn't "that bad" compared to other soldiers...who knows? I'm not asking you to share what you did see...that's up to you, but I guess I'm asking you to ponder whether you may be minimizing or downplaying what you went through, because you are feeling a sense of being a "leech"?

 

[Philippa]

To answer your question, I don't really tell anyone I have complex PTSD. I have, in the past told certain people, who asked me...and then when I told them, they acted like I was fishing for sympathy or being manipulative...when I was just trying to heal and grieve, to my knowledge anyway. I don't want to be a person who fishes for sympathy, because I don't see how it helps.

I've pretty much been in denial about having PTSD since i was diagnosed. Even now, sitting here typing this on a forum for people recovering from trauma, and feeling like I belong here, I still have a part of me that doesn't fully admit that I even have an illness...which sounds silly, but it's true! I have all the symptoms and behavioural patterns of someone who has it, and yet I am unable to actually say "Hi, I'm Philippa and I have PTSD"

Half the time I don't even think of myself as being ill. I've made some real progress in my recovery over the years, and have felt at times that i was fully recovered...only to relapse and be back in the pit.

 

[Abrasky]

Most of my friends know I have PTSD. I have told most of them the reason ( sexual abuse) one I told abandonment when I was young. Truth is I don't really remember to explain to them as I have a lot of memories that just aren't connected anymore. So I don't go into detail and leave it at that.
I haven't told some of my support network that I have PTSD.
I think it is better to tell people that I have PTSD sometimes otherwise people make up their own stories. Once someone made the conclusion my dissasociation because I was taking drugs and was drugged out. Once someone said my not talking to people was because I had brain damage because they were very surprised I had recieved a scholarship because they didn't think I was very smart.

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't tell anyone. I've been 'like this' for so long I don't know how much of 'me' would be like this without (ptsd), or what is caused by living-experience, or my 'partucular' way of thinking.

I tried to test-the-waters so to speak with a relative once, tentatively; their response was they don't really believe ptsd exists or if so it is only because of circumstances such as being in the war etc. Oddly enough, they exhibit every typical trait of it, so I really forgive it for lack of a better word but I would never say anything, ever. I try, in general if it's applicable to speak about the topic without using the 'words' ptsd [by applying what I know to try to help them realize what are triggers (for them), etc, so it's not so painful/ inexplicable (for them) ], but I'd never tell them (about myself)- it wouldn't be believed/ would be wholly-worse/ horrible for me. I don't need that in my life, I already feel like a square peg in a round-world.

 

[Str3ngth]

I, too, have asked this question to myself many, many times. I have been extremely reluctant to tell anyone about what happened or about the after-effects it has on me. It took me over two years to even tell anyone in my family about it, and I am very discouraged by the outcome of even that. I don't know if they just don't understand or what goes on through their heads. They act as if nothing is wrong with me. They play it off like I am (or should be) perfectly fine. Now I feel like I can't go to them for support. The only reason I told anyone in my family was because I needed my insurance card to be able to go to Therapy. Other then my family, the only people I have told were my exes because they never understood why I would break down or never accept compliments or for acting the way I do. And even then I'm not happy with telling them. I feel like I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want to give them that power over me for knowing my dark secret. I wish I had someone who understood and who wouldn't judge me for my past. I just can't find anyone like that. I don't trust anyone not to tell someone else and to not use it against me like people have done in the past.

I hope you can find someone to talk to and tell, if that is what you wish to do. I am hoping one day that I won't be thought less of or humiliated by someone else if I decide to tell anyone else down the road.

 

[Tinyflame]

Ya, I think it's a disaster when someone doesn't 'get it', you are really misunderstood (then), leaves you feeling worse, (can be) deleterious and stigmatizing. JMHO.

 

[Jestadud]

Hello Patrick, not seen you around for a while!
My wife knows but doesn't really "get it" so she can enjoy telling people some of the funny/weird things I do. Sometimes I wish others knew so I could defend myself a bit as I'm not weird I have Ptsd and for someone with that I'm not doing so bad.

 

[patrick]

It has been a while. Coming into my season of anniversary dates and getting into a strange state of mind again. I'm doing quite a bit better than I was last year at this time, though. Sometimes it's still hard for me to get out in the world and it's a lot easier for me express myself in writing than face to face. Lots of new faces since I was last here, and not too many of the old ones. Nice to hear from you, and to hear how everybody else deals with disclosing their PTSD to the world. Thanks, everybody, for your thoughful responses.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Patrick, hello Stranger!

All is well Patrick, just be yourself, from what I know of you you have nothing to apologize for or to explain to others. Sharing is ok, you just need the right person.

(And enjoy your beautiful boat! :))

 

[Turtle]

I had a lot of problems with my PTSD symptoms a few months ago at the beginning of school and ended up needing help from friends, whom I hadn't really 'used' in that way before. They never asked why I needed a ride to the hospital or a couch to crash on, and eventually I felt comfortable just telling them I have PTSD, my symptoms are getting a little crazy right now and thanks for letting me stay a few nights. I didn't feel like I "owed" them an explanation, but they were being so nice and supportive when I showed up at their place, I felt safe and it just kinda came out.

Normally I don't really like telling people, except my professors (declared disability, I have to in order to get some accomadations for classes now). But sometimes when I feel safe with them, or they seem to be really understanding and caring/concerned about my behaviors it's easier for me to open up.

 

[Heather]

i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels like a complete and totally alien when it comes to dealing with all this stuff -- so glad i found this site and all of you :) i don't feel so alone.