Who should my "safe" person be? attachment-informed emdr

[Looking4Safety]

I recently met with an trauma therapist who specializes in EMDR. The next time we meet we're doing something called attachment-informed EMDR. In preparation for this appointment I'm supposed to come up with a "safe" fictional character who we can use during the EMDR session.

Originally I was going to use my dog (even though he isn't fictional), and the therapist was ok wtih that. However I realized that even though I have an overwhelming positive association with my dog, there is one instance in which I saw him get in a fight with another dog. I explained to the therapist that I was concerned this image would pop up in my head during the session, and since she didn't want me to risk going in the negative, she recommended I choose a different fictional character.

At this point I have spent way too much time researching different mother figures from sitcoms growing up. Example: I was thinking I could use Clare Huxtable, but then worried that all of crap surrounding Bill Cosby in present day would affect me during the session.

I have no idea who to pick and feel like I'm doing this wrong. Does anyone else have any experience with this?

*I had a typo. It is called Attachment-Focused (not Informed) EMDR.

 

[scout86]

It sounds like maybe you're over thinking this a little. How about someone really fictional? You know, Winnie the Pooh or something, where there's no real life connection. A favorite character from a book?

 

[Deleted member 37474]

When my emdr therapist brought this up, I said “nope, I have nothing” and we decided to go with something else not using an attachment-resource.

 

[EveHarrington]

Uhm.

Hold on.

Back up.

Moving too fast.

You JUST met them and you’re already jumping into EMDR?

Run.

This therapist doesn’t know what they’re doing.

It can take quite a few sessions for a therapist to determine if you are ready for EMDR, if you’re stable enough, and if you have enough coping skills to get through it.

 

[Starfish]

Looking4Safety, I totally get what you are saying.
EMDR did not help me for the same reason. I could draw on no good memories that facilitates EMDR as a method that works for me.
I prob could not use my dog because I feel like I'm a bad dog owner and he knows it even though i feed him well, get him out, he sleeps with me.
T ( a 70 year old, semi-retired therapist) and I did brainspotting for about 2 years until insurance changed this month and she is not on the list. I feel it helped. She was the one who finally diagnosed me as CPTSD. It took a long time but her consistency, lack of pressure, wise woman/wise therapist allowed something inside me to open up and be vulnerable so i was able to finally talk about what i was feeling. I did not have to look at her. I wore headphones of ocean and stared at a spot on the wall and breathed into my body. I was always aware that she might be looking at me and that made me self-conscious. Sometimes i mentioned i was feeling uncomfortable about the fact she might be looking at me during session and she would say "I can turn my chair around if that would make you feel better"
She always directed me back to what i was feeling inside and staying with it.
She actually has been the teacher to many EMDR therapists in my area.
Anyway, I feel it is ok to move on. I will miss her strong support and validation of my experience.
If I need to start engaging with a T again, i will look and see who is on the list. It's like I don't think I could trust anyone but her.

But, yeah, I get what you are saying, I will look for any reason to dismiss a fellow human as trustworthy.
And yes, emotional abuse as a child!

 

[Looking4Safety]

@scout86 I think you are right that I am overthinking this! I had a feeling that was the case. This type of exercise or imagery doesn't come naturally at all for me and it's stressing me out. Actually Winnie the Pooh is a great idea. I will try to think of some others along those same lines that may resonate with me. It's hard.

Do I need to actually remember who Winnie the Pooh the character (for example) was? Or is the image enough?

@TexCat Yes, I hear you! This is my second run with trying EMDR. I didn't get anything out of it the first time, but we never did this attachment stuff. So, I'm willing to try anything. This therapist specializes in trauma/EMDR whereas the other one didn't. I'm curious if the process or results will be any different.

@EveHarrington Thank you for the concern! The therapist is using this next session to determine how I do with EMDR by using this particular attachment technique. There won't be any trauma discussed. It's just supposed to make me feel good and safe. Something like that. She spent a while trying to understand where I'm at with my stability (good) and skills (good) during our first meeting and knows that I'm under the care of another therapist and have previously tried EMDR.

@crushed Thank you for sharing! I'm glad you were able to find something that worked for you eventually. I know EMDR doesn't work for everyone. I'm concerned that my inability to have a vivid imagination/imagery of memories is going to make this ineffective for me.

 

[scout86]

Do I need to actually remember who Winnie the Pooh the character (for example) was? Or is the image enough?

Over thinking again? LOL

I don't know, ask the T? I don't know enough about this to understand what it's supposed to accomplish or how you're going to use it.

 

[EveHarrington]

Make up a fictional character in your head?

I mean all those parents named their kids Atticus only to find out later in Harper Lee’s second book that Atticus was actually quite racist! Point being that any fictional character not created by you could be something you end up not wanting at some point.

 

[Looking4Safety]

Thanks for the suggestions! They are good ones.

<Moderator Edit : Please open a Help Ticket with admin/forum related questions>

 

[katz]

I was reading this thread and as I looked at the ideas everyone had, I realized that if I were to pick someone to "feel safe" with--I would pick a fictional hero. I would feel protected by them and feel like I had someone on my side.