lying is what I did to survive abusive parents. It is also what I did to appear to be more streetwise and a person to be reckoned with when I left home basically the day I got my work permit. I used it to survive, I used it to advance, I used it to make friends and stay on their good side, I used it as a tool for getting through a day and surviving a night. And years later when I was done using the tool, I had a habit to break.
After my early experiences where lying was truly a way to stay alive (not going to get into that here but I will say that if people had known my true self they would have eaten me alive, think Walter White negotiating with Tuco Salomonica in "breaking bad") I reset my moral compass and became a student, a husband, a homeowner and a father, and worked for thirty years at becoming the best me I knew how to be.
Problem was, I had the knowledge that people lie and get lied to all day long and most just don't care anymore. Anyone that has an ability to lie and remember the lies and to know where the truth stopped and the lie began without lying to themselves in the process can use it as a tool to serve them well in social circles and in work politics. I did this, starting with absolutely no remorse and eventually getting to a place where it shamed me to remember the lies I had told during the day when I went to bed each night.
I had to reset again, this time separating out the "white lies' from the "felony lies" and creating a new habit of listening to everything I said or heard said and filtering it all for lies before opening my mouth again. For an experienced liar, it was easy to recognize a lie that was meant to entertain, or keep the peace or to just simply pass the time from the ones that were tools of manipulation. The new habit was better for my conscience and I could lay in bed knowing I was basically honest, but it was horrible for my faith in mankind and my trust of anyone that I had to rely on.
To answer the question more seriously than I did the first time I posted here-Who would I be if I gave up Lying?
A better person that eventually can't help but know that it just doesn't matter that much. I may sleep better, but I wake up with a feeling of utter hopelessness. My work is based on my skills, but being a good liar pays better. My place in society is my earned position, but it could be destroyed by a few believed lies. My hard work, my home, my family, it all is an existence hanging tenuously on the FACT that no one has decided taking it all away from me is worth the telling of a few felony level lies.
I am not advocating lying, but in my life I have become painfully aware that it is as common and has the same widespread popularity of breathing. And I do advocate breathing. Get a conscience and let it guide you, but remember that if you are swimming with sharks it is good practice to know how to recognize one and even to appear to be one if needed.
