Whole family sharing the same therapist

[The Albatross]

@Wyska "Ultimately he said he will not see them if it makes me uncomfortable, but I've yet to say it because I feel guilty." Guilty is optional. Stick to the most important thing here. If you feel it creates a potential conflict of interest or an "unsafe" therapeutic environment then say so. Pronto.

 

[UnicornSightings]

My T tells me there is justified guilt and unjustified guilt. This sounds like unjustified guilt. You didn't do anything wrong. It seems like maybe you're not used to getting your needs met so you don't think it's ok to ask for what you want. I think we can all relate to that! But this is YOUR life and YOUR mental health. You deserve a safe space. Send him an email if it's easier than telling him what you want to his face. He won't hate you. He won't think you're being selfish. Your siblings will be ok with boring therapists. Maybe boring therapists are what they really need. (Btw just going by what you said, maybe they're really good and their particular style that you see as boring might work really well for them). Take care of yourself because that's the sole person you are responsible for.

 

[Justmehere]

I know my mom would be too lazy to find a completely different clinic to send them to, so I'm not sure what to do...why do you think it is unethical? He isn't allowed to tell them anything and vise versa.

Your mom may be lax, but therapist isn't lazy, and likely wants your siblings to get helpand support too. The other therapists in the clinic may be "boring" -- but they could be the right fit for them. If they are not the right fit, your therapist could help your mother connect them to therapists outside of the clinic. If he sets up an appointment for them at another clinic, there may be a decent chance your mother would take them there, just as she takes you to see this one.

I really hope you your therapist how you are feeling about this and how upsetting it is for you. I don't think your therapist is being grossly unethical, but I do understand why you are upset and even your therapist knows that this could be very upsetting for you. (This would totally throw me off as well. I wouldn't be able to handle seeing a therapist my family members were also seeing.) Your therapist has been willing to put your needs first and decline to see them if it would bother you --- because it's ok that it bothers you.

So help your therapist out and let them know how you are feeling about this. It would be good to tell them about the (undeserved) feelings of guilt too.

 

[Friday]

Ultimately he said he will not see them if it makes me uncomfortable, but I've yet to say it because I feel guilty.

I would recommend saying exactly that; I don't want to say it makes me feel uncomfortable because that makes me feel guilty... <and the rest about why you feel guilty>

That way you can actually work out the whole thing with your therapist. You don't have to have a solid answer you feel great about in order to discuss something with someone... And that's a good skill in and of itself to learn.

It may well be that the guilt is more important to you than the discomfort. It may be that the discomfort far outweighs the guilt IF AND ONLY IF a series of things happen. It may be... See where I'm goi with this? Get honest about the whole piece & it gives you a whole lot to work with.

 

[Scarlet13]

This makes me think of my family. My mother is very narcissistic and my sister can have many traits. You need something you can call your own, your own therapist and space. It sound to me like a boundaries violation on your mother's part. I often feel guilt whenever I put my needs first and especially when it comes to siblings. This is because I was so often guilted as a child and often treated as the scapegoat. It feels good now (though very nerve wracking) to designate my boundaries to both my therapist and family. I do not think you are over reacting at all, and your feelings of discomfort regarding this is a healthy sign of your boundaries. Definitely talk to your therapist about this even if you feel guilt. I love the DBT skill in response to guilt that is not justified- continue to do that which makes you feel guilty. So, in other words, you do not deserve these feelings of guilt you are totally in the right to have your own separate therapist and to have clear boundaries with your family. So continue to hold firm to this need in the face of guilt and the guilt will subside.

 

[Wyska]

My siblings have already seen both of the boring therapists and don't like them. The issue seems to have been solved, though. At the moment the clinical supervisor said that they are not allowed to deny them care so he HAS to see them. However, they are in the process of hiring new people within the next few weeks so I agreed to let them see him temporarily as long as the get someone else ASAP.