Why Am I Afraid Of My Therapist?

[Marguerite]

I have moments of strength that quickly dissolve. I use these moments when I can, to push through actions that I am stuck on. Otherwise I just bury everything deep inside.

 

[fyredrift23]

Hi Marguerite,

I'm sorry you've been struggling with sharing during therapy :(
I think I understand where you're coming from, though. I, too, become very anxious before seeing my T.

Many times I am so nervous while waiting in the waiting room (which is the worst)

He's the nicest guy ever. I'm just dreading all of the emotional crap we are about to wade through. I would much rather be meeting him for coffee.

Well, said! This is me as well. My heart will literally be racing while I'm sitting in the damn waiting room. I've tried listening to music beforehand, but my earbuds broke recently, and I've yet to replace them, but it was helping a little bit!

I understand what you were saying, Marguerite, about life being what happens between sessions, as if it was on hold. I've felt like that for a while now. I'm actively working on building more things into my life, and that should help flip things around. :)
I also hate therapy. I love my T and enjoy working with him and stuff, but I hate having to share so much in therapy! I know it's for my good in the long run, but it's just so damn difficult. I've had a lot of poor experiences when it came to sharing personal things with others, and I'm only just recently starting to have some good ones.

This may sound weird, but I think you're able to share more with your distant OT because they're distant. They aren't paying attention to you, and a part of you may find comfort in sharing with someone who isn't interested in what you have to share.
Your therapist, on the other hand, sounds pretty caring and actively wants to help you and listen to you. That same part of you may feel intimidated by your T since they're behaving in a way that you may not have been expecting.

Just my two cents, but I hope you stick with your therapy and keep at it. It's tough, but it's important to keep pushing through. You can do it! :tup:

 

[BloomInWinter]

It's natural for those with PTSD to have anticipatory anxiety. Fear of a therapist is sometimes really a fear of facing the material, but it's it's easier for us to place the source of the fear as being our therapist. That's a mental defense so we don't have to face how scary it is to face our traumas.

It gets easier. It just takes time.