Why am i not worth it?

[lostforgottensoul]

As for a loving partner, have you considered a secure online dating site? Or is that not a good idea?

Dating isn't a good idea right now. Not the way I reenact my past. Super unhealthy. My therapist finally helped me to stop the cycle, for now. It was very bad for a while. But, when it becomes a better idea, maybe? The dating sites scare me but thats right now. Not sure how I will feel in the future.

 

[scout86]

I guess I just don't get why one person has people that will never leave them when they are abusive or something...those people are going through hell with them but they still hang on

Think about it. In a percentage of those relationships, you have a dynamic where the person who's standing by through thick and thin believes, at some level, that they deserve abuse, or don't deserve anything better. The abuser is probably somewhere on the narcissist/psychopath spectrum. They aren't the kind of relationship you're liking for and that's not your diagnosis, true? The relationships you're talking about, like some of what you see here, where two people love each other and accept each other just they are, healthy relationships that involve unhealthy people, those are rare.

I guess I am just having a pity party.

I don't think there's anything wrong with doing a bit of that now and then. This is a real issue and the hurt that goes with it is real too. Living in self pity won't get you anywhere worth going, but you don't seem like you waste a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself. Your childhood messed up your life. That's a fact and it's a fact you can't change. What you have control over is what you do going forward. You can still have a good life. It will be a different life than it might have been, but that doesn't mean it can't be good.

@gizmo is right, the catch is you have to meet people and that's not always easy.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

the catch is you have to meet people and that's not always easy.

Yeah, its not but will be easier once Chopper can go with me to places. I think (and my therapist really thinks) it will open a while new world of possibilties. Having a service dog with you really puts you in a spot light and I think that's a good thing for me, in the long run anyway. A conversation starter for sure.

don't seem like you waste a lot of time feeling sorry for yourself

I try not to. I really actively try not to. So i don't know. Sometimes it hits hard. I can push it to the side many times but sometimes it just hits hard. I normally never write about it and just keep it to myself though.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Yeah, its not but will be easier once Chopper can go with me to places. I think (and my therapist really thinks) it will open a while new world of possibilties. Having a service dog with you really puts you in a spot light and I think that's a good thing for me, in the long run anyway. A conversation starter for sure.

There you have the way to go and your answer, keep on working with your service dog and wait for the day of new possibilities. I think you are going to be okay when you can go out safely with your dog. It is going to take some patience on your part, yet the patience you show working with your dog will surely serve you quite well I think

 

[Heather]

You can get there @lostforgottensoul

Hugs

 

[lostforgottensoul]

working with your dog will surely serve you quite well I think

My therapist thinks as well!

 

[Deleted member 37085]

I don't know why Shameless (US) brought this out but I am sitting here, a mess, asking myself...

I know it is. I guess I am just having a pity party. I don't know what this is. But I know...

Yes, my family well you said it all regarding yours and ditto. (((hugs!))) Jade

 

[Deleted member 41318]

Worth? Like, they may think I am not worth the trouble or worth time of sticking it out...yo...

As youth, if that's the case, we tend to have attitude. My brief encounter with a therapist got a rise out of him. He called up asking to take me to dinner (didn't want to get sued of abuse I guess). I just blamed myself for the longest of time, rather than having been hijacked which was as different as night and day....before and after the incident.

 

[talon]

I don't know why Shameless (US) brought this out but I am sitting here, a mess, asking myself...

You do we all do so don't blame yourself because of others. Sometimes we hate abuse and yet invite. This is learned behaviour. Tell yourself you deserve love and happiness because you do. Do not make excuses for yourself or others or apologize for being human and wanting and needing what we all want and need. You have started here today lets work together to build you up and make you whole again

 

[mumstheword]

It sounds like you are getting closer to being ready for a truly loving relationship.

That kind of relationship can only exist when the first and foremost loving relationship, is with yourself.

You sound like you want love and want to love and that's the important requirement.

Too me, as a c-PTSD with a f*cked-up history with loads of abuse, in a loving, fulfilling but challenging live-in relationship with another sufferer, it looks like this ...

I am committed to my own empowerment, my own recovery, being kinder and more loving to myself, as I can ... AND

My partner is on the same sort of journey.

We are both greatly impacted, hugely flawed and often maladaptive. ... BUT

We are honest with each other, we are compassionate to each other, we give space to each other, we take responsibility for addressing our own emotional and support needs and ask for hugs and support and a listening ear, as needed. We are patient with each other and ourselves also.

It can happen and it requires SELF LOVE, SELF ACCEPTANCE, SELF - CARE and continual communication and growth.

So you still have to do the work and it's still hard and it certainly doesn't solve a lot of things but the love, and belief in self, and giving to self and the other, make it possible and achievable.

 

[talon]

I don't know why Shameless (US) brought this out but I am sitting here, a mess, asking myself...

If you allow them and only if you allow them will people abuse you. real friends are the ones who hang around in the bad times good time friends are not really friends. don't beat yourself up . be yourself you are unique special and will be to someone like you . Don't waste time on stressing about past. yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery all you have guaranteed is today . And today is a gift so don't waste today is a gift and that's why we call it the present. Stand tall smile and tell yourself i matter how i feel matters i am who i am accept me or not i am who i am

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you in a better place today?

I was in a pretty crappy on/of relationship of sorts. People told me to just do me for awhile and focus on finding friends, so that's what I did. Whadda you know? That's when someone wonderful came into my life. I met him online (not on a dating site). We've met a number of times and now I'm flying across the country to spend 2 1/2 weeks with him. It's by FAR the healthiest relationship I've ever had. He tries to understand my struggles and is on board with helping me heal in any way he can. (He's met my therapist to get advice and her feedback is that he is helping me in healthy ways.)

Maybe right now isn't your time. But if you make room for healthy relationships, they will find you. One perk of dating a guy who is a little bit older is that he doesn't want kids. (RELIEF!) He already has kids (high school/college age) so the prospect of being a part of a larger family is quite nice----completely uncharted territory, but still nice! (I still won't meet them for awhile, next spring or summer perhaps.)

Good people are out there----good people who will accept ALL of you. (Sometimes I think I hit the jackpot in finding someone who is so understanding and accepting.)