Why Am I The Selfish One?

[Matilda]

I'm sorry, I know I just posted, but my episode is just getting worst. And amongst all of my convulated thoughts attacking me, the one that keeps bothering me the most is, how am I the selfish one?
Last year, I trusted a teacher with my secret because it was too much for me. I needed someone to know and she had been a friend to me for years and I chose to tell her because I thought she could at least provide some comfort. But she just passed me on like some baton in a race. She said she couldn't help me in the way that I needed help. All I wanted was for someone to at least listen and she barely tried. A hug, at the very least. I went to a private school which was a part of my chuch and she was a mentor to me, more than a teacher. It still hurts that she didn't try.
that's all I wanted and still want. Just one person to help me and listen to me besides a stupid therapist. I know it's tooo much for people to handle but what about me. its too much for me to handle. Right now I feel like my brain is splitting apart and I just want someone to speak softly and kindly to me. I can't even seek solace from my own mother.
Screw you people. Screw all of you for saying that Im selfish for just wanting to share my voice. It sucks and it's wrong

 

[shimmerz]

Screw all of you for saying that Im selfish for just wanting to share my voice. It sucks and it's wrong

Society is screwed up for this imho. People preach about helping others, not putting up with abuse, yadda, yadda, yadda. I find it sickening how most people put their heads in the sand when push comes to shove.

I wonder about this teacher. We, in Canada, have rules that if teachers are told something that needs to be reported they must. It is the law. Have you no guidance counselor at your school? A local church that you belong to or a women's counseling centre?

 

[digger]

I don't think you're selfish at all for wanting to share your voice and to be heard. Unfortunately, I'd guess that your teacher wasn't in a position where she could help you in the ways you felt you needed from her. There may have been child protection issues that prevented her doing so, there will be rules that she has to adhere to as a teacher when it comes to situations like yours. Or she may simply have felt out of her depth and did the best thing she could in directing you to someone who she thought would be better placed to help. It wasn't selfish for you to ask for her help, but it wasn't wrong of her necessarily to not help in the ways you wanted her to. I would look again at whether she tried to help or not - perhaps passing you on to someone who could was the best she could do?

Did she actually say that you were selfish for asking her for help, or has that come from what you felt like as a result? Or from someone else?

 

[Kahina Rhea]

It seems to me as if your teacher should have done something or have let someone who could do something know. Are not teacher, nurses, doctors, and ect. required to report these issues even if they only suspect and especially if the person admits to it? I'm sorry for whatever your going through, but just hold in there. Sending positive vibes your way

 

[digger]

It seems to me as if your teacher should have done something or have let someone who could do something know. Are not teacher, nurses, doctors, and ect. required to report these issues

I was assuming that was what @Matilda meant by being passed on?

But she just passed me on

I may have misunderstood though.

 

[Kahina Rhea]

@digger oh I guess I didn't take it that way seeing nothing was really done and it was someone they deemed trustworthy enough to tell. I just want people to do as much as possible especially if they have the ability to help or get help when someone is in need. I know I'd do it for someone else and I hope there are people out there who would do the same for me.

 

[Matilda]

@digger she never told me I was selfish, but I''ve always felt like I was selfish when I told her. Like i just wanted attention or something, but in truth I just needed help. I've even been told that it's selfish of me unloading something as heavy as my past. It's frustrating to me because I'm always the one people go to for serious issues (or their version of "serious") and it makes me angry to the point that I struggle being empathetic.

 

[rightkindofme]

Well, you do want attention. You want attention because a lack of attention is causing you serious problems and you *need* help. That's not selfish. That is self-help. That is self-care. That is necessary for survival.

I've been told that I should never talk about my past to anyone who isn't a therapist because if I do I am traumatizing people and then I'm an abuser. I fired that stupid ass shrink and went and found better friends who could listen. It took a long time and it was a process of weeding out the people who can't handle me... but I do have friends now.

I'm sorry this person let you down. There are 7 billion other people. Some of us don't suck.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

You are not selfish but I can tell you from experience, unfortunately people will let you down. I'm not excusing your teacher's actions and I'm not aware of the whole situation. Just know your voice does matter and someone else's behavior does not dictate your self worth. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and it's important to share for your healing. Have you considered seeing a therapist or perhaps someone through your church? I'm sorry this teacher let you down but don't give up on seeking help. You are important , even if some people in your life aren't being there for you the way you need them to be. Big hugs to you.

 

[Matilda]

Nope, I'm never ever ever ever ever going to seek council from a church. I had REALLY bad experience when my mom brought the pastor home who pretty much forced me to tell him everything. Terrible terrible experience.
I'm still considering going back to my old therapist after a 2 month hiatus, but she wasn't much help recently so I don't really know

 

[rightkindofme]

If your old therapist wasn't awesome, keep hunting. Lots of therapists out there.

 

[zeckster81]

When I was in college and in a severely, life threatening abusive relationship with a classmate in my major, I tried to tell two professors and security. The classmate was a well known, high scoring student who everyone liked. The two professors and security officer didn't believe. A few months later he beat me in the head with a baseball bat and put me in a coma. It was on the news and everything. I hope those teachers feel bad to this day. I never told the college if I was better, I wouldn't let anyone know any information. He is still in jail. I bet they are kicking their asses for not believing me now.