Dom Violence Why can't i escape this - no way out

[Living in Hell]

Right now I'm closing myself out from the World, because that's all that I can really do to be ok... My Bi-Polar, Adult Child, Meth Addict partner is on another one right now.

He's mad at himself and mad at the world, so I spent last night an this morning dealing with the storm of his emotions Screaming, throwing things, trashing my house and telling me what a piece of shit I am.

I was hoping and praying for a good weekend of cuddles in bed, love and sleep.. But instead, I am going through f*cking hell AGAIN :(( Pretty sure he lost all of his hard earned money gambling and then went and got high. MOTHERf*ckER. Sometimes I feel like I could kill him myself for everything he's put me through. I can hardly bare it another day, but there's honestly no way out. He will not leave and he will not leave me alone.

Up and down, happy and then miserable, nice and sweet, then one day or ten seconds later, an abusive piece of shit.

I want to run from my own home, I want to run from my life. "Living in Hell".

 

[EveHarrington]

I have no idea what country you’re in, but is it possible for you to go to a domestic violence shelter?

 

[LuckiLee]

If he won't leave. You have to. A domestic violence shelter has valuable resources.

You can do this. Be careful.

 

[mumstheword]

You know you're not that don't you? You know you don't deserve this. It's abuse and it's very destructive and dangerous. I really think you do need to get out. Don't wait until you are a shattered mess like I was. You are in a very bad situation and you need to save yourself. Please!

 

[Whirlwind]

Hold onto that anger. Write it, here or somewhere. Pick ONE thing to do NOW to change your situation. Hide $10. Start an escape fund. Call DV, go to a meeting. That's how I started. I compiled what I would need, bits here and there.

You don't have to take action until you are ready. Never if you choose.

But you can prepare...it gives you options instead of being stuck. And when these crap moments happen...you have a secret plan to hang onto. It helped me immensely just to have that private knowledge. It also made his crap seem all the more clear.

Just do one thing. One. before you know it it is 100.

Sorry for what you are going through ((hugs))

 

[Deleted member 34561]

Get. Away. From. Him. NOW. He will not stop until there is nothing left of 'you' to save. I know first hand how terrifying living with a ticking time bomb Jekyll and Hyde character like your partner is like. Girl he is extremely dangerous. If he is on meth he could very well KILL you. He's already killing your mind and soul. But trust me when I say it's better to get yourself into a refuge of some kind than to tolerate his abuse of you anymore. I know that thought probably scares you shitless but it's much less scary than what you're currently going through. I feel it's only a matter of time before he loses the plot entirely and beats or stabs you to death while he's high. You can't be with someone like this in active addiction. He could flip at any time, he already has. It's not going to change darling its only going to get worse. Much worse. While you're there letting him take his crap out on you he will never ever look at himself. You deserve so much more you are WORTH so much more. You do have a choice flower even if you think you don't. He chooses to abuse you and you choose to put up with it. I know that's probably really hard to hear and believe me I'm not blaming you at all for his choice to hurt you at all. That's all on him darling. But you don't have to take his shit. God didn't put you on this earth to be someone's punch bag emotional dust bin or scapegoat hun. You need to decide what to do. There is another better life out there for you if you want it badly enough. Trust me it's better to be on your own than to be with someone as nasty and f*cked up as this. And once you're out you give yourself the chance to meet the right kind of people. That won't happen while you stay there with him. Plenty of good advice from previous posters here besides me. Take your power and control back love. Don't let him win. God bless you xx

 

[Deleted member 541]

It’s a hell that you’ve “chosen” to stay in. If he’s a druggie, then call the cops. Ask for him to be removed. In life, there are ALWAYS choices......

 

[LuckiLee]

That's great news! Be careful and take care of yourself. And change the locks the minute he leaves. Best of luck to you!

 

[mumstheword]

Praying for you now.((((((Hugs))))))

 

[Deleted member 541]

I suggest going to court and getting a restraining order on him then. Where there is a will, there is a way.

 

[LivingInHell2]

<Mod edit: this post belongs between #7 and #8, above>

thank you all for you're replies. I think that he might finally be moving out of my house on his own. I pray everyday that he'll get the hell out and it seems that my prayers are finally being answered.

Regarding involving the authorities, I HAVE.. I called the local PD after he literally chased me down in my car and threw the dinner that made off the stove at my car. He also clearly trashed my house and broke my things that night. I told them that he was being violent and that I felt Unsafe. They did NOTHING. He convinced them over the phone that I was cheating on him (Manipulative Narcissist), and they apparently felt bad for him and told me that I should just stay somewhere else for the time being. They would not even ask him to leave my house (which I own). This was extremely discouraging, considering the fact that it took me 4 years to call for help.

Please pray for me that this works out, because at this point I am "a shattered mess", as you worded it. Anxiety and PTSD is my daily. Can't wait to get my life back together and be able to sleep peacefully and wake up in peace again and feel safe in my own home.

Thank you all again for you're advise, words of wisdom and support. I will take this one day at a time. FINALLY FREE (almost)...

 

[LivingInHell2]

It’s a hell that you’ve “chosen” to stay in. If he’s a druggie, then call the cops. Ask for h...

Thank you all for you're responses and support.
I have called the authorities, I called the local PD reporting his violent behavior and letting them know I felt unsafe. This was after he trashed my house, broke my things and chased me down in my car throwing the dinner I made off the stove at my car when I was driving away. They came and they saw what he did, but after they spoke with him in the phone and he convinced them that o was cheating on him (manipulative psychopath), they did nothing but tell me to stay somewhere else! Mind you, this is my home (that I own). They said he had every right to be here. It took me 4+ years to make that call (pretty discouraging)..
However, God finally answered my prayers this weekend and he's found himself a free place to live and has started packing his things.
Please say a prayer for me that this works out.
Can't wait to get my life back together and find myself again and "meet the right kind of people".
You're all angels on this earth and you're responses have been invaluable, I've read them over and over again..