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Relationship Why Did He Push Away?

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Hey guys! I haven't been on here in a while. I feel like a weight lifted off my shoulders after I let it go. But a couple of nights ago, I had a dream with him in it. Basically he was coming back into my life and I had conversation with his sister in the dream about what he told everyone what the excuse for him leaving was. I don't know why I had this dream, I actually have not thought about him. It just caught me by surprise. Made me want to check up on how everyone was doing. :)
 
But how to move on, when I promised I'd always be there?

That is why I don't make such broad promises anymore. I only make promises I can keep. They refer to things fairly in the now, or tomorrow. Little things.

Honestly, I think nobody can and should promise such things. That has nothing to do with them or their determination or "enough or not enough love" for the other. In my view, it's simply about life being change and people changing, too. It's natural and healthy to not stay when you are being treated as a doormat. It is then good to leave and move on. It is good to "break the promise" (since you have given it), and, in my view (and, unfortunately, in my experience also), to not give that promise in the first place.

I'm sorry, Holly, that it has come this far for you.
 
I made that same promise. And as much as I dislike him for everything he's done, I'd carry it out my just not as cheery. I just wouldn't make him my priority, or expect much from him.

Yes! :) I have done so much for myself and hope everyones situation gets better :)
 
Accept him for who he is, if that means accepting that he is an absolute idiot, who would prefer to be in a relationship without trust, then so be it. It isn't your fault, and it isn't necessarily his, some people will just never "get it". Move on, take the lesson and live your life, it is all too short as it is, don't waste actual or emotional time/space on people who aren't worthy of your emotional time/space.

All the best

AS
 
Phoenix, thank you so much for posting all of this! It sounds exactly like what my sufferer has tried to tell me. It also sounds exactly like why I haven't heard anything from him for almost 10 days now, and I really don't expect to hear anything from him anytime soon. He's so deep in his own shame and guilt, and that just gets compounded every day.

I've had to realize that I really can't help him, and it doesn't help either of us for me to keep trying. He's convinced he's not good for me or anyone, and anytime we have the slightest conflict, that just reinforces what he believes and he shuts down without warning. There's no way I can convince him that we can work if he doesn't believe it himself. I pray that he continues with his therapist and climbs out of this, but I'm not optimistic like I once was. I'm also moving on.

Again, thank you so much for explaining the mindset. You did an awesome job.
 
Hey guys! I know I haven't been on here in a while. After everything happened, and I let him go and walked away I got back to my life. It's been great everything is going good for me and I'm getting to travel a lot and enjoy myself. So while I was busy living life with a smile, a couple of days ago, my ex tried adding me back on fb. I didn't know what to do...I sat there and stared at it, wondering if I should accept. I don't know why he wanted to add me back when he was the one who pushed me out of his life to try to get back with his ex who now left him again...I added him just so he could see how great my life is without him. I haven't tried liking any of his status or messaging him, but he liked my status yesterday. I don't know what he wants all of a sudden?
 
JMHO and I am not talking as a sufferer here. Just a human female.

Sounds a bit like using you. He lost his ex so now he needs someone to fill that void.

he was the one who pushed me out of his life to try to get back with his ex who now left him again

Will he do that again? He already did it once so it sounds very possible to me. That fact that he did that at all shows little respect or concern for you.

Oh, and you may want to re-read this thread and then think about how you feel about him and his intentions.
 
I needed to read this today. Because my ex just contacted me on fb today wishing me a Happy Birthday. He did the exact same thing, left me for an ex gf of his. Although I'm the one with ptsd.

Good call Ayesha. And I feel your dilemma mrod... I really do. There's just so much temptation to open that line of conversation...
 
Yes guys! Thanks, I will not take him back, I can't. I'm not even sure if I even want to see or talk to him again. Part of me wants to throw everything back in his face...but that may not be mature? I feel its better to leave things how they are. My life was so peaceful. I just don't know how to handle if he tries to make conversation, I don't know how to reply. If I should act like I don't care and be friendly or be short with him and scold him and show how upset I was? Ugh.
 
I'm confused as to why you're giving him even a second of your thoughts. He's using you to fill a void as evidenced by this ex business. Delete him and move on. Otherwise you're giving him hope of something happening and I don't think you want that? Why do you feel the need to respond at all?
 
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