Childhood Why Didn't Anyone Care?

[Holdingontohope]

Why didn't anyone care what happened to me as a child? Why didn't anyone stop it from happening? Why didn't anyone love me? What did I do to deserve it? Was I not good enough? Was I just a throw away who had no worth or value? Why didn't anyone protect me?

I have been asking myself these questions, and many others like them, a lot lately. They just keep running through my mind and I can't seem to think about anything else. I just want to scream "WHY?!" Over and over again. I know I will probably never have a satisfactory answer to that, but it still hurts. It hurts so much! All I ever wanted was for someone to love me and care about me, but no one did! I am so angry and sad and grieving right now and I don't know how to deal with it.

 

[Silver.]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I think it would be helpful if you could find a therapist so you would have someone to talk to, who can guide you through all this and so you can get a better sense of self and help pull you through this pain
*gentle hugs if you accept*

 

[watundah]

It can be difficult to realize as an.adult now that you were a powerless child with no resources, no options, no freedom and no choices. You were a.victim, nothing was your fault. Also understand and that the people who hurt you were really sick, and incapable of meeting your needs.

 

[sun seeker]

:hug:
Yes, you are so right. It does hurt so very much. And it wasn't your fault. You just had rotten luck.

It takes a LOT of telling yourself in all different ways that it wasn't your fault... grieving... knowing you were innocent and deserved better... having others tell you the same thing... before you begin to believe it. Please find those others, here and elsewhere, and don't give up on yourself.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

 

[Holdingontohope]

Thank you guys for your responses and hugs. I do have a therapist I am working with. I am trying to work through all these thoughts and feelings, its just pretty tough right now. I will keep working on it though.

 

[sun seeker]

Just know, as you're doing that, there are a whole lot of us trudging along right beside you!

 

[7Cs]

Why didn't anyone care what happened to me as a child? Why didn't anyone stop it from happenin...

The unanswerable question...

Why?

Why... because there were So Many adults along the way who could have helped and could have changed my life and could have prevented so many bad things from happening but they didn't. I just slipped through the cracks like water. And it was dark down there.

I'm sorry it happened to you too.

 

[foreveralone2099]

Why didn't anyone care what happened to me as a child?

i'm afraid my entirely nihilistic take on this won't do you much good; i don't have a very good opinion of people anymore, for better or worse.
as someone who has gone thru something similar i urge you to grieve as long and hard as you need to, and then get back on track to repairing your life.
wishing you well.

 

[eztaukr]

My therapist explained the trauma 'triad' to me. Victim, Abuser, Bystander. Dealing with the Bystander is what is giving me the most anxiety. Thinking about Bystanders evokes extreme anger, grief, and anxiety. The Bystanders are very very hard to process as a victim.

 

[Kailani]

I look at it like this; you were like a new born puppy or baby kitten; innocent and relying on others for food, love shelter. Unfortunately you got caretakers that harmed you. Lots of us and animals did. Yes you should have been rescued! We can't change the past. People care now and the better you take care of yourself now the less they win! Hugs to you!

 

[orangeweezel]

A lot of these questions I've asked myself over and over. The hardest part for me was seeing the responsibility clearly. I tried to find out what I did to deserve the things that happened, but as an adult I can see that no child deserved what either of us experienced. The others involved are totally responsible and at fault. When I switched my questions to "why did THEY do this?" it brought out my anger and helped grieve the hurt, rather than it being my fault somehow. Over time I've realized that the bystanders or perpetrators had so much of their own stuff going on, they didn't really see what was happening to me. My parents both had huge problems they were working through, and I got lost in the mess. Other adults in my life weren't able to clearly see, because they were focused on their own lives, and the way I expressed my pain wasn't clear to anyone what was happening. I'm not sure if you can relate at all to my story or thoughts, but shifting how I viewed these people around me has helped me to start grieving what I missed out on, rather than being stuck in wondering what could have been different, and taking it personally. My new favorite way to look at it is reminding myself: it wasn't because of me, it was their issues.