Why Do I Speak Softly?

[Philippa]

I felt the same towards my father for most of my childhood. he was my hero and I always looked forward to seeing him. It seems so strange to think that now he is a stranger to me, and whilst he might be disappointed in how I turned out according to what he considers success to be, I'm also pretty disappointed in him, which I'm sure he didn't count on.

It's only ever meant to be what the father thinks about the son or daughter...what we think is never given as much importance, but I think it's always valid to recognize what you feel, and for me, I loved my parents so much once, and the constant minimilization, invalidating, negation of my reality, and silent treatment, as well as gaslighting and making fun of me for his own amusement, all added up to me losing all those feelings for him, and a definite lack of respect creeped in and took over instead.

At times it can be helpful in healing to remember that they are children who have been taught in faulty ways and are not self-aware, and are to be pitied...but when you feel so much hatred and anger towards them, it isn't much help to be reminded. It doesn't change the fact that they have destroyed a once loving relationship and don't even see that they did it.

I think as young kids we do put our parents up on a pedestal...and they are gods to us. We rely on them for everything. Their mistake is that they get too attached to that position, and become drunk on the power, which blinds them. Cavernous holes of corruption is all that is left by the time we reach adulthood.

It's good to be honest with ourselves, as unpleasant as that can be. At one stage I wanted to make so much money so I could set them up for life, for giving me this gift of life...and now they are strangers that I have no desire to see right now, and possibly ever again. Crazy how things can change in life.

 

[Tanishq]

Hi Philippa, Thank you so much for your thoughts. I find it helpful. :)

At times it can be helpful in healing to remember that they are children who have been taught in faulty ways and are not self-aware, and are to be pitied...but when you feel so much hatred and anger towards them, it isn't much help to be reminded.

Need this to hear.

It doesn't change the fact that they have destroyed a once loving relationship and don't even see that they did it.

Yes. If they want to comeback with us, they will have to make bigger changes and it may sound impossible for them. but doubt they will think in this direction. many things will come in their ways and biggest will be acceptance as it has been for us.

Their mistake is that they get too attached to that position, and become drunk on the power, which blinds them. Cavernous holes of corruption is all that is left by the time we reach adulthood.

Couldn't describe more truth as you have done.

Crazy how things can change in life.

Indeed, they miss one thing. Maintaining relationship is considered as one of most difficult task and most people don't pay proper attention it. They think they are the ones who deserve to have upper hands, always in parent-kid relationship. I am afraid they think they are bigger than love. Those who pay, are rewarded with big things in the end. if you don't count emotions, efforts. Be ready to pay its price.

 

[Philippa]

Yeah, I'm sure my parents think I'm being "disrespectful to my elders" but that's not how it works in reality. Respect is earned and they are just as accountable as anyone else is, so when they have destroyed that trust and caused me to naturally lose respect for them, how then can they turn around and expect me to just give them respect for trashing me and showing nothing but disrespect to me?

They are coming from Ego only. They are terrifyingly cut off from their own souls, and for that reason alone, I pity them.

 

[JustBe]

Hi youngoddess. I understand. I was a preschool teacher for many years and was outgoing and fine with the children, but add parents and my throat would tighten and I would look for ways to become invisible. (((Big Hugs))).

 

[Tanishq]

They are terrifyingly cut off from their own souls, and for that reason alone, I pity them.

I hear you.

I'm sure my parents think I'm being "disrespectful to my elders" but that's not how it works in reality.

I have been accused of this many times. but since I have started standing up for myself, they stopped doing so. now they are finding faults in me. I know they are seeing their own reflections. They never give respect to other where it is due. Just will give a miserable nod. I tell, it makes them look more miserable.
Insane parents.

People like our parents are respect lovers. Just gain respect. They forget they have to give it first. So when people stop giving respect, they complain that natural system is being unfair to them. God, please give first. :laugh:

 

[Tanishq]

I would look for ways to become invisible.

Movin'On. You still sound like teacher. This forum has so many kind teachers now who are sharing various lessons and being much friendly. :hug:

 

[youngoddess]

Really thank you so much everyone, I was pretty busy and couldn't come here, it really helped me to read your experiences and advices... I'm quiting my job in two weeks, it's being insupportable these days and I'm happy to quit. BUt I talked to one of them last week, I explained her some things, I was speaking loud lol but not disrespectful, she apologized and now she says 'hi' with a smile on her face, anyway, I just want to quit, there's a lot of pressure there and I can't stand it. hugs to all!!

 

[Tanishq]

Hi youngoddess, I wish you good luck in finding other job which is comfortable and fit for you. If you are being drained at your job, then you can't give your full efforts. That is understandable.

Hugs back at you,too.

You're welcome here anytime. :)