Why Do I Start Having Memories....

[J_trustno1]

whenever I am near my abusers or any memories associated with them???

I automatically start remembering everything they have done to me to hurt me and my first response is crying and intense sadness. Why can't I live without feeling all that shit??? I'm feeling the pain all over again :( :cry: :depressed:.

I hate them for hurting me . It just hurts!! I wish either they die or I die. I just HATE them!!!!

All my anxiety starts to resurface, I feel that pain deep inside. how do i minimize this? :(

Why does my body starts reacting to their presence? I get all tensed and in fight/flight mode whenever I'm near those asshole! I wish I could kill them all!!! I HATE them!!!!!!!!

 

[Friday]

I hate them for hurting me . It just hurts!! I wish either they die or I die. I just HATE them!!!!

Do you still live with them?

 

[J_trustno1]

I don't live them, but mum has invited all these assholes for lunch!

I am currently doing a course which finishes on 20th December and can't move out until I have a job so I can financially provide myself. I'm going to start applying for jobs out of this city as soon as I finish this study.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I am SO SORRY!!! In therapy, when we start talking about things that are my triggers, or emotions that are hard for me to face, my neck and shoulders get tense, and my body language changes noticeably.

It makes TOTAL sense that you would feel ALL of your physical symptoms! Is there anyway you can escape the lunch that your mum has arranged. Even a bit of a lie that you have a stomach problem, that might be a virus, and stay in your room? Or stay away until they are gone? Avoidance would be my first choice. I don't know about your transportation, but can you blame it? We could help you get creative?

You do NOT deserve to be re-traumatized! (((:hug: ))) Hugs if okay. I'm a mum and a grandma as well. My motherly instincts want to kick some rear ends...if not worse!

AKJ

 

[J_trustno1]

I left downstairs and decided to come to my room with tears because it was the exact same environment downstairs as it has always been where my mother always supported them but failed to be my mother. I also feel like swearing at her!

 

[Friday]

I don't live them, but mum has invited all these assholes for lunch!

I think you'll find things change in some very unexpected ways once you get some distance between your family and yourself. Including your mom. It might only feel like stress during the moments really f*cking bad ...like having your rapist over for tea... But once you've got some real distance between yourself and your family? You'll still have PTSD. The past will elbow its way into your present. But you won't be living day in and day out, 24/7/365 in triggers and stressors. It won't be constant.

It's one of the grey areas in between them dead vs you dead. Instead of one of you needed to be dead? One of you (you!) get to be gone living your life without them in it.

 

[J_trustno1]

@Friday , it just pisses me to see my mother being their servant when they all come home providing them with hospitality and letting them walk all over me because she feels they have the full right to do all that. According to her, just because they have invited us to NZ, we are obliged to tolerate their shit for the rest of our live! I f*ckING hate them!!! Can't wish anything good for those bastards!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I believe "what goes around comes around"....meaning the evil people will at some point "pay" for the pain they have caused! It may be on their death beds, in excruciating LONG TERM pain, which they will have deserved, or in some other way where they get repaid for what they did to you. Karma is a b***h!!!

Distance will help, and you will be able to work on your feelings without ANY worries of having to see their faces, or listening to their voices.
It also takes more than an "egg donor" to be a mother. You will be able to decide when and if you see her.

Truly, I_trustno1, the BEST IS YET TO BE!

 

[J_trustno1]

Thanks @AngelkeeperJ/AKJ :hug:s

Thanks @Friday :hug:s

 

[Freedomfighter]

Sorry you have to go through this. I know what it is like when people attempt to invade your life. I was stalked at the workplace and this bastard has enlisted his friends to continue harassing me at the workplaces that I work at now. I am harassed daily at work physically by guys who are simulating physical acts when I am close by as well as mentally by these bastards pretending that they have abusive relationships with me.

After I was stalked by a total stranger at work two females, adulterers with the guys that worked in the security office, attempted to undermine me in every way possible. They have followed me around for years and have used their friends to threaten me via their cars when I drive or walk. These people will race their cars towards me on an almost daily basis to threaten my life, they also attempt to physically hurt me in many other ways. It is apparent that they were committing adultery with married guys in that security office which for them of course resulted in being released from their work. Since then they and their friends are threatening me daily.

They sleep around with the guys that I work with and use the relations with them to have me harassed when I am at work. These guys stop at nothing and repeatedly threaten me with vile language, imagined relations, as well as disgusting physical behaviors.

They are attempting to force abusive guys onto me and are denying that I was stalked and instead claim that they have been victimized instead, while actually they have committed adultery and have after that entered prostitution. Both of these women are absolute loosers, kids from fathers they have slept with once or twice, with the kids themselves being abused.

They attempt to force abusive people into my path to confuse me about what really happened at the place I worked prior. But a PTSD victim will always remember the crimes because that is the way of PTSD, it is a terrible disease but every single act, word, mannerism of what happened is forever in the brain of a victim and can never be erased. To the day a PTSD victim dies he or she will remember every exact word, act and mannerism as if it just happened. So naturally confusion in such matters would never erase the memories.

 

[Llith]

I totally get you, I now freak whenever I see bald or ginger men, which is quite inconvenient.

My worst time was when it was my boss and I had to work with him every day. I can honest to god say I have never been as close to killing someone as I was to killing him. Its kind of scary you can think those thoughts, but even now I wish he was dead.

It does get better when you get away from them though, but random things still trigger you all the time. All you can do is figure out what your triggers are and work a way to cope with them or avoid them.

Sorry your going through this atm, it sucks :'( *hugs*