Well, I am a man and reading through your posts, I do agree with you. I have never understood men who view women as a rock or a toy. I often wonder what their mother was like, or especially their father. (In the case of this kid that shot 17+ kids, he had neither. That's what makes a perverted killer.) It seems they have been taught to think No means Yes. I have heard that in the locker room and have never really understood it or where it came from. I was never taught that. I had deep respect for my mother and respected my father but gave him a wide berth. He could be brutal at times, but I noticed, he respected women at least. Maybe that's it.
One of the things that did bother (well, it hurt actually) was putting all men in the category. We are individuals too. I have seen pretty women who have been as you describe yourself, so pretty men continually look at them or hit on them. I simply lean back and steal beauty as I would a sunset or a rose. I wait on such a woman until I see a woman with a real heart, who is vulnerable but not over-reactive, who has a sense of worth, and is curious about the world, as I am. I am sympathetic to anyone, man or woman, who has been abused or treated unjustly or especially to the point of brutally. I have been to war and seen things beyond description. I have also seen a lot of healing and strength.
I am glad you have a place to go to talk about this openly. Just know we are not all alike. I have had many good, healthy relationships with women, who I still miss at times, but I understand how things went the wrong way. And I know pain from loss too. I have a lovely wife who gives me the space I need for this beast we call PTSD. I wish I did not have that part of my life to deal with. But I try not to let it show.
I do wish all of you women here, some sense of peace. It would be wrong of me to excuse or justify what I have always regarded as behavior I abhor to the point of anger and silence. I see and read some things men say and do that make my skin crawl. At times I know doing something to stop them would just make it worse. And I have to say I have prevented some of that violence. Some Vietnamese women will stand up for me.
I do know that if I apologized on their behalf, it would make me one of them. I just cannot go there. I am sorry you have to go through it all. But there are heroes out there who do know how to love.
