General Why Do You Bother?

[The Albatross]

(((sorry Angus)))... my husband does that when I send him links. He isn't particularly involved in the process or interested. He doesn't get it... why I' can't get better right now. Why I can't flip a switch, push a happy button, or blow a whistle... and be myself again. It's sort of the flip side of the coin bro' but I feel your frustration.

 

[Angus McGee]

Thanks.

I just hope her treatment works. She is going to be taking an apartment during her treatment. So, for the first time in my life, I'll be alone. Of course, the children will be with me, but no wife. I was one of those guys who went straight from mom and dad's house to my own.

And, I get the added bonus to know that if it doesn't work, my marriage could be over.

This situation is completely out of my control. I can do nothing to change the outcome.

I guess this is where faith comes in.

 

[The Albatross]

Faith will take you a long way ... praying for her will too. I can say that even if I couldn't change him, it sure has changed me. I was though, the example he ultimately chose to walk for himself... that's why we're still together. I'll stand in prayer agreement with you Angus.

 

[BigBear]

Faith will take you a long way ... praying for her will too. I can say that even if I couldn't change him, it sure has changed me. I was though, the example he ultimately chose to walk for himself... that's why we're still together. I'll stand in prayer agreement with you Angus.

Faith! And Prayer! I'll stand or fall as necessaryu behind those words...

Bear

 

[BigBear]

Now tell me that "I can't and I don't".

Just as a point of reference, when I was new to caring for Angel, It was "depressing as Hell" how poorly I did. But today, I think that I do a lot better. So, Inordinate, be encouraged that those who will "fight the good fight" not only can and will, but we also have a big can o'whoop-ass that we have always at the ready. Sometimes it's not big enough, but when it was all over, we and ours were still standing.

PTSD is a last man standing match. Well D******, we are still standing!

Bear

 

[May1321]

Faith! And Prayer! I'll stand or fall as necessaryu behind those words...

Agreeeeed! It's nice to come and read this sort of comradery and support. In the end... Our beliefs and living with ourselves is all we've got!

 

[Angus McGee]

I've been thinking about it, and I've come to realize that I'm a spectator of my own life. All the situations and events that matter seem to be going by on some sort of screen. And I've lost the remote.

Also, I feel that I am the only way God can show His love for my wife. One of the things she has always told me is "I need God to be more tangible. I need for Him to reveal Himself to me. Something I can touch and feel."

Well, like Moses, Abraham, Jacob, and many others throughout time, it seems He has chosen me, a lowly servant to use to reveal Himself to her. Ever loving, in spite of reciprocation. Ever patient. Ever kind...

 

[Nighthawk]

I guess I see it as that I am not worth spending the time on. I don't see care as genuin ,ost of the time and the truth is I am waiting for the attack. I am working very hard at trying to change the result in my mind. I normally run before I can be hurt cutting the ability for uit to happen to me down by 100%. I have asked a few why they want to even be around me or take the time to care trying to understand WHY? I guess I won't ever comrehend it cause I just can't understand it. I have allowed one or two in and the are with me the good the bad and the ugly. Everytime they come back I am in shock that they can and want to be around me.:eek: There are time I crave the companionship but that scares me to death that I alone will sabotage the relationship.

NH

 

[May1321]

Nighthawlk... I truly believe this is how my sufferer feels as well. It is difficult at times because all I want to do is express what I'm feeling/thinking and when with most it is so obvious where my heart lies, he immediately questions it. It's like he knows, but can't believe.

I try hard not to take this personally, and I appreciate your post because it allows me to see inside his mind when it is difficult to do so so close to the picture. It allows me to understand his pain a little as I know this too is a struggle for him.

I think having the sufferers and supporters co-mingle on this site is helpful because it allows us as supporters to ask the questions we have a difficult time either asking or receiving answers for from our immediate sufferers and then vice-versa as you could ask us why we stay and get some insight as to why these few for you are sticking around.

I think aside from the most obvious of reasons, people more often tend to walk away because of the fear that comes from the lack of understanding/communication.

I hope for you, and sufferers alike, and supporters for that matter, that as long as we stay true to our beliefs and the hope for the greater of the good that little by little the 'not understanding' will widdle itself away to fulfilled understanding and a place of content :)

 

[Angus McGee]

Well said, May. I agree 100%.

 

[Innordinate]

reading all of this I'm not seeing many positive things coming out of hanging around us "sufferers"

I do see a lot of commitment - sticking with people you were with before PTSD
Faith - but how long is that going to hold I wonder

but how often do you have "good times" or "fun days" or things like that with your sufferer? when/how do you ever enjoy each other?
you're supposed to be able to enjoy each other. I don't see any of that coming out of hanging out with me.

Feels like there's ulterior motives to be with me. Always. I can't get that feeling/thought out of my head.
I'm sorry I don't see any "real" reasons here. Just a bunch of "I stay because I care/ because I was here before/ because I don't want to be seen as the person who gives up"(crap) But why?

It doesn't seem realistic.

Maybe is that why anybody stays with someone? :confused:

This is just how I see it. I'm not trying to offend anyone. I realize I probably have. That's normal.
I'm really trying to find answers here because in 3 weeks I have to decide my next step and one option is going back to live with my wife and kids.
It's really frustrating trying to figure out how relationships are supposed to be.
I do appreciate the answers.

 

[Angus McGee]

Innordinate; life is more than just "fun times". Life is hard. Some times painful. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. You have to make the right decision for you.

Why we are sticking with our sufferers are our reasons. Your situation is your own. Do what you think is best for you and your family.