Relationship Why Does He Say Things Like This?

[kacee129]

He is leaving on Monday. He is trying to secure an apartment in Vegas. Little (to me - major to him) things keep going wrong. Now he just said he thinks its time to put an end to it all. He said he would not do it here because I just cleaned, but he can do it in his car. One shot to his head.

And yes he does have a gun. How am I suppose to react to this?

 

[Snowangel1225]

If you feel the danger is immediate, do not hesitate to call 911. Otherwise, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) and they will be able to help you decide what would be the best course of action. Good luck!

 

[kacee129]

That's my dilemma. He says it at least once a week. But now I told him we could not live together and he is moving 400 miles away with no where to go and very limited funds (like $1500). And he just said it again.

 

[Snowangel1225]

Suicide threats should always be taken seriously but especially when he has the means and has said he has a plan. He might be using this as emotional blackmail (I suspect), but that doesn't mean he might not be serious. I still urge you to call the number and talk with people who know about this. They can talk with you and help you decide what would be the best way to handle it.

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

Kacee, you should probably not be alone with him. Can you go somewhere safe? If your not sure if he's going to cause you harm, it's better to call the police.

 

[Abstract]

What does your therapist say Kahlan? Have you thought of having a joint session? Every time he says it I would report it in the way that Snowgel said and preferably give them an address where he is at that time.

Leaving aside the terrible burden and how frighting this is for you (awful). He is obviously constantly one step away from doing something. People can spend years in that state and not do anything further but its better not to take the chance. He is expressing where he is at but the other thing I wanted to check on is if he is doing it in a manipulative way. Is he doing it to get his own way or expressing it when overwhelmed?

They are both equally distressing for you but it might make a difference in how best to approach it.

 

[Ray_of_hope]

Like others have said, every threat should be taken seriously. The problem is when people throw thoughts of suicide in your face to try and make you feel responsible or guilty for how they feel. It is something that person is using to manipulate and control your actions through fear. I have had a boyfriend who said the same thing to me when I was trying to leave him multiple times. It is a scary situation. I think this is a big sign you have done the right thing by deciding to live without him. Don't let his threats manipulate you. Speak to him calmly if you must speak to him at all. And most of all pray for him.

Good luck.

 

[kacee129]

Ray of hope - I do think it is a way to manipulate me. And it works. But I know I can't continue to live this way. We are not kids. We are both 64 years old! I wish it could be different, but I know it never will be until he comes to terms with himself. In the meantime I am going to get some kind of help for myself so I don't carry these feelings of guilt. I keep telling myself that nothing is forever and maybe this is what needs to be for him to hit rock bottom...maybe that will never happen, but to stay in this state of limbo is not good for either of us. Thank you so much.

 

[kahlan]

Wow, kacee! I do hope you do get some help for yourself. Either way, if its an attempt for attention or if he is actually serious, its not your fault. The previous mentions of calling the crisis line also couldn't hurt or if you may be in danger 911. I wish you the best.

 

[Abstract]

The problem is when people throw thoughts of suicide in your face to try and make you feel responsible or guilty for how they feel. It is something that person is using to manipulate and control your actions through fear. I have had a boyfriend who said the same thing to me when I was trying to leave him multiple times.

I think this is what I was getting at. There is an enormous difference between a cry for help or using suicide as a means of manipulation.

Emotional blackmail is not OK.

 

[Hashi]

Your thread title is "Why does he say things like this?". My view is that he says them to keep you involved by making you think about him and worry. I understand from one of your other threads that you have ended the relationship for your own good. I think that means you have to be very disciplined about disentangling yourself from his pain and drama, because it sounds like he's very good at manipulation.

It's a serious, concerning thing to say to someone - which is why he uses it, no doubt. I definitely think you should report it to the police and leave any action to them. That way, you have taken a responsible step and can do no more for his safety anyway.

I have to disagree with calling a suicide prevention helpline. I think that keeps the issue with you. The only action you need to take is to report it to the police. I would do that by phone and then follow up with an email (if you can email them) or a letter. Then leave it, and if he talks to you about it again, don't discuss it but give him the number of the suicide prevention helpline and update the police that he made another threat.

I don't think you should do anything else at all. Hard as that might be, maybe you could channel any anxiety and nervous energy you have into action for getting therapy for yourself, not for thinking about him and his motivations.

 

[Miasmith]

From the side of the story you have explained it sound like he is manipulating you. Some one you shouldn't be around no matter his intentions.

Remember, you might love him but at the end of every day when you go to sleep you are only falling asleep in your body by yourself. Make shore you are making healthy life choices that you can live with.