Why Does She Offer What She Can't Give?

[Arebas]

I'm really struggling so I ask my T "do you think it's possible to do two sessions a week?" She says yes, sure.
Big relief!
But then she says that she's all booked up and only can offer me a spot if someone cancels and that it doesn't happen that often tho cause everyone knows she's always booked up...
So the answer is no, it's not possible to get two sessions a week. Why can't she just say that from the start instead of making me think I have options?

She offered communication via email but then she says she has no time to read.

She offered to be there for me cause she didn't want me to revisit my trauma all by myself but then I'm left by myself cause she doesn't have time to be there when I need her.

She offers and I say I don't want to bother you and then says "I want you to bother me! I want you to count on me!" But then... She can't be bothered?

It took too long for me to open up. I feel like I've lost my chance. Three years ago, when we started and she was sooooo willing to be there for me she had an office in a tiny room in her mother's house. Now she's booked up and I'm old news.

 

[Arebas]

Ugh. f*ck this. f*ck her. I'm getting a new therapist even if that means I have to start all over again.

 

[Arebas]

Did it. Contacted someone else and made an appointment and told my T that I need more and that I am looking for someone. Asked her not to leave me until I've found someone who can help. She said she won't. Said she was sorry. I think she was relieved cause these past months have been awful and she always said she was worried she was letting me down. Every time she said that I immediately told her she wasn't. But, maybe she was. Maybe she was trying to tell me she couldn't keep up and I kept telling her it was ok, we could fix it and gave her no option but to keep trying.
Ugh. Another terrible week ahead for me.

 

[NightSky]

Sounds like you made the right choice. I can't imagine it was easy, but in the long run I hope it's what you need. Sometimes starting over can be a good thing. You'll get a new perspective without all of the frustration from your current T clouding everything. Keep us posted?

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Agreed!

When did you schedule for? I hope you're able to get that connection right away.

Might be good to state why you left and what your needs are. The new therapist might or might not agree but at least the cards are on the table from the start.

Just my opinion though.

 

[Arebas]

Sounds like you made the right choice. I can't imagine it was easy, but in the long run I hope it's wh...

I hope this was a good choice. I do need to look at things without all that extra frustration. Thank you for the support.

When did you schedule for? I hope you're able to get that connection right away.
Might be good to state why you left and what your needs are.

I have an appointment tomorrow. We've exchanged a couple emails and I like her already. She seems friendly and open and fun too. I am going to write a couple basic things I need to ask her so I won't forget cause I am very nervous and I don't know what I'm going to say.

 

[Sideways]

One of the deals with therapy is that your T is meant to offer us an example of what a "safe" relationship looks like. They're meant to show us that actually, some people in the world are trustworthy. Safe and trustworthy also means reliable.

If you feel like you weren't getting that from your T, then you definitely made the right choice, because it means you were missing out on a great big part of what therapy has to offer.

In the space of this exchange, you've identified what your needs are from your T, communicated them, coped with being told "No", made a decision to prioritise your needs, and followed through with actions.

Reading that? That's huge! It's so inspiring to see people be able to do that. Go you!

 

[Arebas]

One of the deals with therapy is that your T is meant to offer us an example of what a "safe" re...

I hadn't though of it like that. I was actually thinking I had failed miserably. Thank you for this... it really helps me see things very differently. Thank you, really.

 

[Sideways]

@Arebas - back at you, because this is really hard stuff for me. Identifying my needs? I get completely lost. So watching other people do it, and do it really well, is a huge help for me.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I hope this was a good choice. I do need to look at things without all that extra frustration. Thank you...

I'm so proud of what you've already accomplished! @Ragdoll Circus is right. A therapist is a person who should be able to demonstrate what "safe" looks like... part of safe means honoring commitments and providing a welcoming and warm environment.

You deserve it. Don't settle.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Did it. Contacted someone else and made an appointment and told my T that I need more and that I am look...

Your frustration is very common with people that have PTSD. Not every therapist has the necessary strength.

 

[Arebas]

Ok, so here's my update:
I met with the new T today and I was so nervous! I had written a few things I wanted to ask and say but I completely forgot about them.:banghead: But it was good!

She was very nice. Her office felt so warm and cozy. Big change from my usual T who has an office that looks like a business place. It was also nice to talk about "parts" and not having to explain all the time who is who and who does what, she actually said a couple things about my parts that made me think she already knew how they worked. She had a plan of action - a straight forward plan of action - which was also a big change from my usual T's "let's just talk and see what happens". And also got an official diagnosis of PTSD instead of just being "somewhat dissociative" as I was told before.

The bad was that I didn't know her so there were many things left unsaid when she asked me to try and list my traumas if I could. But I was comfortable enough to say "there are more but I don't want to tell you about them", so that was ok. Also having to go into my whole family history and stuff is like uuuugggghhhhh:wtf:. But that's therapy!

So I think this was a good move after all. It really felt good to talk and think that she was really understanding what I meant about the parts and that she knew how to deal with them. She says she needs to know a bit more about me before she can be sure but she thinks that EMDR can really help with some issues and she has other ways to help with the dissociation.

At some point she said "Are you comfortable? I see you all tensed up... it hurts me to see you like that. Do you think we can do a bit of relaxation before we continue?" And we did and that was soooooo nice. Everything was hurting and I just hadn't noticed. :bag: I really think I am in good hands. Yep, I'm hopeful. I think this was a very good move.