Thank you both so much for your replies. I am still in a very hard place but not in quite the same self destruct as I was this morning. Sometimes it just feels so hard and I feel so scared and I just want so much for it all to go away. I know I have to keep myself safe for my amazing little people who deserve so much more, and find it so scary how close I can be so often to just giving up on it all.
I know lots is coming up at the moment with all the things which happened to me as a child and that overall I have to continue to listen to her and allow her to have the comfort and relief she so deserved, but when the feelings again get so overwhelming it is again so hard and I again just go back to wanting to destroy myself and everything of that little girl, who I so wanted to disconnect to, so so much.
As I said I know I am in a safer place again than I was and I do appreciate your comments and encouragement so much.
Helen
