Sexual Assault Why Is Talking So Hard?

[Jen]

Thank you for your post Muse, I do understand all the benefits and I am trying. I have emailed my local coucelling services asking for availabilities and how to go about getting started which was a big step but I still don't feel 100% confident that I can do it but I'm going to try my hardest to make this step.

Thank you for your advice x

 

[Powder]

It's hard to find one you can trust. I know.

XOXO Muse

 

[Powder]

What are you looking for in a therapist? Just wondering.
Muse

 

[Lucycat]

Muse, that is such a very good question.

When I first 'found' a therapist I was looking for someone who would listen to me and tell me that I was not going crazy. What I hadn't considered was that I needed to trust this person and not feel judged. I was at a crisis and didn't have the time or ability ( or even care) to consider what my 'aim' was.

It is interesting to look back and realise that I found a super T and could not wish for anything more. He has guided me into thinking about what I should be aiming for. He has never judged me, has helped me through the most embarrassing of revelations and is always 'there' for me. He never laughs at me and the stupid questions I ask, but does laugh with me when I try to make a joke. He always acts as if he 'has heard it all before' and nothing shocks or surprises him, which helps me feel I am not alone in this situation. He is a great listener.

But that is all about my T.

I would love to hear Jen's answer to this question.

 

[Anna]

Jen. I have the same. I cannot talk about it, when I do I also start to shake and become emotionally a wreck. I managed to talk to my therapist about it many years back, but since then I try to keep myself busy. I am lucky I have learned to live with it, but if I ever talk about what happened it brings me back to the first moment it happened. So I never speak about it ever.

 

[Jen]

That's a really good question. I know that I need to do it as it seems to be something that has helped everyone a lot, but I've never really thought what I want out of it.

When I really think about it I guess I am looking for some sort of resolve to help stop thinking about what happened in the way that I do and to help me talk a bit more freely about things. I feel I may be being a little naive as I have not had any experience with therapists before.

I never ever let myself get close to anyone as I feel I can never let myself open up about anything. Even people who I have dated. I want to, but I can't talk about anything personal, not even just the abuse, anything bad that has happened, without feeling on show and I don't like this, I can't do it. I feel I am not close to anyone. So I guess I'm hoping it might make me a bit stronger, maybe less ashamed of being venerable so that I can work on forming relationships with people. I think to other people I come across as quite a strong person that doesn't get bothered by a lot of things but that's only because I can't show myself upset and have worked hard to make myself appear strong.

I hope to work on this.

Does or has anyone else felt the same?

Anna, I think this is something that I can learn to live with but I worry that one day everything will all creep up on me and I won't be able to stop myself falling apart. I feel we may be in similar situations and have similar difficulties, if you would like to message just for a bit of a chat or want someone to listen to your story feel free to message me.

I want to be a able to talk is the short answer lol. But I don't quite know how I will get on if it is someone who I don't know, a complete stranger. Any feedback is welcome xx

 

[Jen]

Ok so it's been 5 months since I wrote this post and I have still moved no further.

I couldn't go through with the process of getting into counselling as they wanted me to do a biographical questionnaire and it was just too hard for me to write what I thought was the problem or even circle keywords relating to my issues. How can even this be too hard? Pen to paper? I lost a bit of faith in myself cause of this, if I can't even write on a stupid piece of paper how can I talk to anyone about anything.

Sometimes I feel just fine. Sometimes I feel like I need to scream and just have someone tell me 'hey you know what - you've had a shit life' just to recognise it instead of it being hidden away.

I am having a lot of trouble with two extremities of emotions. Largely with the person who I want to confide in. I idolise her and want her attention all the time. This then quickly changes into jealousy and anger very easily when this doesn't happen. I am aware that how I am feeling is irrational but I can't pull myself out of it. This effects my life so much.

Can anyone advise me as to why this is happening. I feel like I'm going mad sometimes.

x

 

[Laurel Hall]

Ok so I was abused by my brother when I was young for about 4-5 years.

It is very important to talk about your abuse, but with a trained counselor/therapist. It took me decades to recover from my abuse, but therapy was the first step. All the best to you.

<Edited by CB - there is no need to quote a whole post in your replies.>