Why Now?

[red82]

Its coming up on 6 am and so ends another sleepless night.

I experienced many kinds of abuse as a kid sexual, physical, verbal, and mental. Its a wonder I made it out without killing myself. My dad sexually abused me my mom got exited at seeing my dad beat me and the words I wish you were never born still haunt me. I was placed in foster care at 15 for filthy living conditions now 15 years later its come rushing out like a soda bottle that's been filled and then suddenly shaken.

I honestly have no idea where to start I could write a novel telling all. The reason I am here started several months ago. I have been very good at keeping the past at a distance. It has affected a lot about me but it has been easy enough to push through. Suddenly the nightmares have gone from about once a mo to almost nightly. Images haunt me every moment I cant stay distracted. It has made an already difficult relationship with my husband worse. I have thought about seeing a counselor but the idea of talking to someone face to face scares me to death. I even tried to talk to hubby but I just cant bring it out. So I found myself here skimming around during the night and decided to join and see if I can make sense of it all and find a way past it.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Red :wave:

Welcome to the forum.

I honestly think that talking to a therapist would be beneficial to you! However in the mean time, you can talk to us, and see how you get on. Have a good read around the forum and we look forward to hearing more from you, when you are ready.

 

[endlessocean]

Hi Red,
I am so sorry to hear that your childhood was abusive, and that you endured sexual abuse. It's so very difficult, and I too had a really hard upbringing, one that causes me to struggle a LOT. It has been very helpful for me to have a therapist and many friends to talk to. I currently am experiencing a lot of sleeplessness as well, so I sympathize with that, too. I hate being awake all night thinking bad things that make me feel bad. I am always wishing I had a boyfriend who could make me feel better, but I always end up with abusers. it's frustrating.
If you wanna write a book, write a book to express what you need to say ;). I do, haha.
Well, take care and well wishes.

 

[Lucycat]

Hi Red
Welcome to the forum.

You ask why now? I don't know. However I do think you are better dealing with this 'stuff' sooner rather than later. I buried it for nearly 40 years before I was forced to deal with it. Even that late it has been worth the pain and hard work of therapy for the rewards.

Best wishes,
Lucy x