Supporter Wife in a trauma bond with her older sister

[sgray1520]

Hello, I am new here. My wife of 25 years has been traumatized by her sister. Her sister coerced her while she was on chemotherapy to divorce me. Luckily I was able to stop it. Never a talk of divorce before her sister showed up while she was ill. Long story short, her sister is a very wealthy Sadistic Narcissist who my wife feared her whole life. Luckily I got my wife back from her grasp ten years ago. After the death of my wife's mother, the sister went to town on my wife again and Narcissisted her. My wife is from another country and this all happened why she was out of town. The kicker is my wife now associates me with her sister. In a trauma bond with her sister. Five years now. Her sister is jealous and envious of us that my wife lives here and she cannot get her hands on her. Spent 10's of thousands of dollars on best psychiatrist and therapy. She is getting better but still very hard. Has anybody experienced anything like this. So so very painful. G damn these Narcissists who cannot leave people alone.

 

[Riley Jones]

Hello, I am new here. My wife of 25 years has been traumatized by her sister. Her sister coerced her while she was on chemotherapy to divorce me. Luckily I was able to stop it. Never a talk of divorce before her sister showed up while she was ill. Long story short, her sister is a very wealthy Sadistic Narcissist who my wife feared her whole life. Luckily I got my wife back from her grasp ten years ago. After the death of my wife's mother, the sister went to town on my wife again and Narcissisted her. My wife is from another country and this all happened why she was out of town. The kicker is my wife now associates me with her sister. In a trauma bond with her sister. Five years now. Her sister is jealous and envious of us that my wife lives here and she cannot get her hands on her. Spent 10's of thousands of dollars on best psychiatrist and therapy. She is getting better but still very hard. Has anybody experienced anything like this. So so very painful. G damn these Narcissists who cannot leave people alone.

Hello and welcome to the community. I'm truly sorry to hear about the incredibly difficult situation you and your wife have been facing. It's clear that both of you have been through a lot, and the emotional toll of dealing with toxic family dynamics can be overwhelming. You're not alone in this, and it's heartening to know that you've been seeking professional help for your wife.

In our community, many have faced similar challenges with family dynamics and trauma bonds, particularly when narcissistic behaviors are involved. You're definitely in a supportive space here to connect with others who can understand and share their experiences with you.

Encouraging your wife to continue engaging in professional therapy is crucial, and it sounds like you're already on that path. It's important for you, as a supporter, to also take care of your own emotional well-being. There are dedicated forums for supporters of PTSD and CPTSD sufferers where you can find understanding and advice.

Please feel free to explore different forums that might resonate with your experiences. Sharing and hearing from others can be a vital part of healing and finding new perspectives. Remember, you’re not alone, and this community is here to support you.

 

[deno]

I hear you. This hits home in a big way. Watching someone you love be twisted and manipulated by a narcissist—especially a family member—is brutal. It’s like they rewrite reality, and no matter how much you fight for the truth, the damage is already done. You see the person you love slipping away, and the worst part? They don’t even realize what’s happening.

I’ve been there. The frustration, the helplessness, the pure rage at knowing someone is poisoning the mind of the person you love while you’re stuck trying to clean up the mess they left behind. It’s exhausting. It’s unfair. And yeah, it’s painful as hell.

The trauma bond part—that’s the hardest to break. Even when the toxic person is gone, their voice lingers, twisting things, making the victim doubt what’s real. The fact that your wife associates you with her sister? That cuts deep. It’s not logical, but trauma doesn’t follow logic. And fighting against something that makes no sense is its own kind of hell.

You did the right thing. You fought for her. You got her back once. You didn’t let the narcissist win. And she is healing, even if it’s taking longer than you hoped. That’s what matters.

But man, I also get how much this has probably taken out of you. You’ve been holding steady, being the anchor while she works through all of this. But you’re human too. And carrying all of this weight alone can wear you down.

I don’t have easy answers, but I do know this—you’re not alone. There are people who understand, who have lived it, and who know how deep this pain goes. And if nothing else, I see you. Keep holding on. You’ve already done the impossible once.

 

[arfie]

hello sgray. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

The kicker is my wife now associates me with her sister.

it would be a tough measure, but methinks this has been the biggest problem my own hubby and i have had in our 45 years together. it is as painful on my side (sufferer) of the equation as it is in his noble attempts to be supportive of my recovery. it ties me into psycho knots when the love of my life reminds me of trauma he had no part in. alas, that is a HUGE part of what makes PTSD so disorderly. the wish can be found in many a psychiatric journal, but so far, we are only wishing.

G damn these Narcissists who cannot leave people alone.

for what it's worth
when i reach the stage of curseful name-calling, it helps me to pray for the person i am cursing. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

 

[Sgray]

Thank all of you for responding. It really is incredible the work of narcissistic people and their insatiable need to destroy empathetic loving people like my wife. I appreciate all of you very much. You hit the mnail on the head.
I will keep posting on my wife’s progress.

 

[yougotthis]

I hear you. This hits home in a big way. Watching someone you love be twisted and manipulated by a narcissist—especially a family member—is brutal. It’s like they rewrite reality, and no matter how much you fight for the truth, the damage is already done. You see the person you love slipping away, and the worst part? They don’t even realize what’s happening.

I’ve been there. The frustration, the helplessness, the pure rage at knowing someone is poisoning the mind of the person you love while you’re stuck trying to clean up the mess they left behind. It’s exhausting. It’s unfair. And yeah, it’s painful as hell.

The trauma bond part—that’s the hardest to break. Even when the toxic person is gone, their voice lingers, twisting things, making the victim doubt what’s real. The fact that your wife associates you with her sister? That cuts deep. It’s not logical, but trauma doesn’t follow logic. And fighting against something that makes no sense is its own kind of hell.

You did the right thing. You fought for her. You got her back once. You didn’t let the narcissist win. And she is healing, even if it’s taking longer than you hoped. That’s what matters.

But man, I also get how much this has probably taken out of you. You’ve been holding steady, being the anchor while she works through all of this. But you’re human too. And carrying all of this weight alone can wear you down.

I don’t have easy answers, but I do know this—you’re not alone. There are people who understand, who have lived it, and who know how deep this pain goes. And if nothing else, I see you. Keep holding on. You’ve already done the impossible once.

Beautiful message.

This happened to me from my moms ex BF before he died and I dont really have anyone to talk too. Him dying left me in permanent limbo it feels like.

hello sgray. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

it would be a tough measure, but methinks this has been the biggest problem my own hubby and i have had in our 45 years together. it is as painful on my side (sufferer) of the equation as it is in his noble attempts to be supportive of my recovery. it ties me into psycho knots when the love of my life reminds me of trauma he had no part in. alas, that is a HUGE part of what makes PTSD so disorderly. the wish can be found in many a psychiatric journal, but so far, we are only wishing.

for what it's worth
when i reach the stage of curseful name-calling, it helps me to pray for the person i am cursing. healing hopes for all. no exceptions.

I have personality problems and am aware so the end part was super helpful to hear.

Being from a disorderd family is kinda like being from a cult so its simultaneously understandable why people are angry at us for hurting them. But people take it too far when my programming kept me blind.