Hi,
I was introduced to this forum through a fellow military spouse who has dealt with this "stuff" for a few years. My husband has been home for over a year now and is recently regressing with where he was at. He fairly consistently tells me that he just wants to kill himself and when asked what's wrong in the way that he tells me to approach him when he's dissociating and rocking back and forth he will blow up and become verbally aggressive. He constantly tells me that no one gets him and that no one asks what's wrong - but when anyone asks these things he flips out on them. He's not willing to take responsibility for ANYTHING in his life and I worry that our young child is suffering. Today he became verbally aggressive for hours on end and told me that he didn't want to see me ever again. I went to grab our child and he wound up shoving our child out of the way and grabbing me by the arm and squeezing. He's not willing to admit that his choice was wrong and I worry about him being alone with either just himself or with our child. There are so many times that I wish I could just walk away and be done with this but I do know that things will one day improve. He just started taking meds in the past week and I'm really hoping that this will be a gateway to making some gains in the next few months. If not, I'm not sure where my life will head.
I work in mental health (PTSD, honestly) myself so I feel very lost in how to deal with this anymore. I've tried my normal tricks and tools and nothing works. I feel like I'm trapped in my own house and I worry that our child is going to think that living like this is okay - which it is completely not. I'm scared to walk away, scared to stay - and everything is always my fault no matter what I do. I'm always the bad guy and I just don't know how long I can hold out being the scapegoat.
I was introduced to this forum through a fellow military spouse who has dealt with this "stuff" for a few years. My husband has been home for over a year now and is recently regressing with where he was at. He fairly consistently tells me that he just wants to kill himself and when asked what's wrong in the way that he tells me to approach him when he's dissociating and rocking back and forth he will blow up and become verbally aggressive. He constantly tells me that no one gets him and that no one asks what's wrong - but when anyone asks these things he flips out on them. He's not willing to take responsibility for ANYTHING in his life and I worry that our young child is suffering. Today he became verbally aggressive for hours on end and told me that he didn't want to see me ever again. I went to grab our child and he wound up shoving our child out of the way and grabbing me by the arm and squeezing. He's not willing to admit that his choice was wrong and I worry about him being alone with either just himself or with our child. There are so many times that I wish I could just walk away and be done with this but I do know that things will one day improve. He just started taking meds in the past week and I'm really hoping that this will be a gateway to making some gains in the next few months. If not, I'm not sure where my life will head.
I work in mental health (PTSD, honestly) myself so I feel very lost in how to deal with this anymore. I've tried my normal tricks and tools and nothing works. I feel like I'm trapped in my own house and I worry that our child is going to think that living like this is okay - which it is completely not. I'm scared to walk away, scared to stay - and everything is always my fault no matter what I do. I'm always the bad guy and I just don't know how long I can hold out being the scapegoat.
