Wife Wants Separation, I Feeling Depressed

[Chad Byas]

A few weeks ago, my wife told me she is filing for a separation after 16 years of marriage. For the past few years, my wife continues to yell at me because I do not take the initiative to plan things for us to do. She told me she has not been happy for the past 6 years. She knows that I have been diagnosed with PTSD, but refuses to believe that the PTSD has anything to do with my behavior. It has gotten to the point where I feel so helpless. I thought she would try to provide some support, but she acts as if I have done nothing but hurt her the whole time. It hurts because she knows of my condition, but only thinks about herself and her own happiness. We live in Charlotte, NC. I will start working at FT Jackson, SC in January. FT Jackson is about an hour and 15 min drive. She is using this as the perfect moment to file for separation. She expects me to move out and live with my parents in Columbia while her and the kids live in the house. I have been emotionally numb for a while, but my anxiety is through the roof. With the potential separation, possibly being force out of my home, being separated from my kids, starting a new position with a line unit after working at both a one star and two star level commands, I have no idea of what to do with myself. It just ins't fair that she could possibly take half of my retirement and other benefits when she is the one filing for the separation. I don't know how I am supposed to feel right now. Why can't she understand what I am going through and provide some support?

Chad

 

[Grizzly]

Sorry to hear you are going through this. This is certainly a trying time for anyone, PTSD or not. First things first. Are you getting help for your PTSD? Until you have this under control nothing will get better. Next, have you considered some family therapy?

It's difficult for spouses to know what challenges we deal with. We also tend to keep things bottled up and try and shield them from our thoughts and emotions. We are a pressure cooker most of the time and they are the collateral damage when the cooker blows. Therapy might help this and open doors for you and your spouse. At least she would have a glimpse of what is going on with you.

You have a lot of irons in the fire. Best sort out what's priority and deal with it accordingly.

 

[vikingr24]

As always, Grizz is right. Take care of YOU first. Then tackle the issues. The story is familiar to about every one of us here, not it helps to know that. One of the things I notice is someone who has PTSD is drawn into themselves and rarely thinks they can pretend to be happy for a while at least. Have you done anything in those 6 years that was fun and you were together? Even a trip to Micky D's can be something if it's fun. Take her out more. Walk every Sunday in the park or the woods. I know Charlotte. There are plenty of scenic places to have a nice time without spending a lot of money, if that's an issue. When you do go out, pretend you are that young sprite you were when you first met.

Try to get her to counseling and make sure that counselor is not partial. My marriage was recently saved by a good friend of hers who liked us both. Good luck.

 

[Raven]

I don't want to talk shit about her because we don't have her side of the story but she sounds pretty f*cking selfish.

In her defense, feeling isolated and like you cannot connect to your partner can make a person pretty f*cking selfish. Been there, done that.