General Will He Ever Get Better?

[Mrs. T]

I am just thinking and praying about the mental and physical pain my husband experiences daily and wondering if we will see an end. Do people heal from ptsd? How good does it get for the sufferer?

My husband has not been
diagnosed, but I am very sure he has ptsd. He has talked to our family doctor about it and (he has a bad memory) but he thinks the doctor is going to set something up.

He fits most of the symptoms and any example I have read about of possible causes, he has experienced and survived them. The only thing he has not experienced was being in the army, but survived the genocide in Rwanda when he was nine...saved by the dead bodies that covered him, making the killers think he was dead as well. And saved again by his ability to speak English...the UN flew him to South Africa thinking he must be an important person's kid because of his English. But that is not as sensitive as some of the other things my husband has been through.

He has a lot of chronic physical pain that no doctor has been able to diagnose. I'm hoping it is caused by ptsd simply because then we will have an answer and hopefully a hope for a painless future.
I just want to know if my husband will ever feel normal...he deserves it...as everyone does.

Feel like all I do is talk about myself, but I have so many questions...

 

[Ladyhope Somerset]

Welcome to the forum Mrs T.

There's no problem about asking questions, members wont always be able to give answers but we listen and support one another where we can. Everybody's experience is personal but with shared symptoms.

It's good to hear your husband has talked to your family doctor who should refer him to mental health services. A diagnosis can only be given by a consultant psychiatrist who will prescribe medication to help alieviate some of the symptoms. Chronic pain can be a symptom and if physical tests haven't identified a problem, this is well worth mentioning when he sees the psychiatrist.

I'd suggest it would be helpful for you to go to the appointment if your husband agrees. It should help reduce his anxiety and you will know what the treatment plan will be.

One step at a time. Keep posting.

Take care.

Ladyhope

 

[Mrs. T]

Thank you for the information. I have made some phone calls asking some questions but you just answered them. I found that few people are really educated in ptsd. So thank you so much.

Reading about some of the symptoms, described by the sufferers on here, has also helped and is exciting for the fact that we are getting something to work with and talk to the doctor about. I hope this can give my husband some comfort in knowing there are reasons for his being "messed up" (as he puts it).

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Please get your husband to a professional who is knowledgeable about trauma in order to get a proper diagnosis.

Yes, he has a long and difficult road ahead of him, but the good news is that he CAN heal. Everybody is different in how they experience this disorder, so what works best for him may not be what's worked for others. Also, healing times vary, along with just how much we are able to heal. I guess what I'm trying to say is to keep on pushing forward, even if you experience difficulties or setbacks along the way.

Oh, and your husband is lucky to have you. A healthy relationship can do wonders for healing. I know it has for me.

 

[Mrs. T]

Thank you, scared of lonely. I'm looking forward to hearing what a professional has to say. I think it will give me more patience just understanding it all better. I feel bad sometimes when my emotions get the best of me and I put it all out on him...

My husband has something so incredible about him...he forgives the people who have hurt him...yet he still has to deal with everything these people have left him with. I think he can fully heal if he can open up and confront his past.

Thank you for the encouragement :)

 

[leweyoz]

Hi Mrs T, lots of support here. I can't imagine what your husband has been through, my heart goes out to him... and to you too as being his support. PTSD is horrible in everyway, the way it changes nearly every aspect of a persons regular way of living. I think it's been mentioned here before, it's learning to live with a new normal. Hopefully over time your husband will be able to better manage his symptoms through his own understanding and/or medication and treatement. Just be patient. I'm new too by the way. I love how everyone here thinks beyond themeslves. And in saying that we all have good days and bad days too.

 

[Mrs. T]

Thank you. I love how supportive everyone is too. This is going to be a long journey but as of now I am just excited we have some explanation for what my husband goes through...and I think he is happy that I am learning things that explain perfectly what he has never known how to explain. He says there is not a person out there that understands him better then I do...but I know I still don't fully understand.

I had a really good talk with him yesterday after I learned so much from reading this forum. I was telling him about what I learned and asked him about the terrible temper he used to have. Asked him what triggered it and he said anything could trigger it. I asked him how it went away and he was able to explain something he has tried to in the past, but didn't have the words to explain. He still has a terrible temper but he controls it by going quiet and watching a movie, drinking or going for a drive. That also explained why he could be in a great mood and a smell or something said or something small puts him off. What I didnt realize all this time, was that during these times he is actually angry.

The convo was really good and I can understand him better now. I think he is happy about what we are learning too.

 

[leweyoz]

Oh wow, I'm so excited for you both to have been able to find some knowledge to help both of you. It sounds like you have a good relationship. My hubby says the same thing about nobody understanding him but me. And as you say we don't even understand fully. It's great that they can find some comfort from us I guess.

 

[Loving4PTSD]

Hello Mrs. T. Hang in there and use this forum for support. In away I can understand what you must be going through. My partner is from South America and was apart of guerilla warfare during his teen years in the 90's. He watched his parents and brother be killed and his home burned to the ground. He too sought help from the UN and is now a political refugee here in the US. He did seek out help and was diagnosed with PTSD. Through therapy and medication his symptoms have gotten better. He is lucky to have you, as my partner feels the same towards me. I understand though that sometimes it is a lot to handle, but hang in there and learn as much as you can for him and for yourself. Let me know if you would ever like to talk one on one!;)

 

[IvyMillie]

It's great that you are reaching out and trying to understand him better. I can't imagine the things he has seen and been throught. He must be an exceptional person to be so forgiving of others. He's seen alot of cruelty for sure.

As others have already said hopefully therapy will help him. One thing to mention is that sometimes when they go through therapy their symptoms get worse--so don't panic. It's part of the healing process.

I also hope he can get a therapist who might understand what he has gone through. That might be hard. My husband likes his therapist because the therapist really understands the Vietnam PTSD really well and my husband feels like he is freer to talk to him because of it.

If you can't find someone who totally understands what your husband went through maybe as part of his healing he can eventually--when he is ready connect with others (not sure how this could be done) who went through that same experience. I think what has helped my husband is to talk to others who went through a similar experience from Vietnam. It's like it helps him fit some of the pieces together. Every situation is unique and no one has an identical experience, but it helps to at least talk to others who went through it.

I hope the best for the two of you. I'm so glad your husband was able to survive such a horrible experience. I just can't imagine. And others have gone through terrible things too. It's horrible the cruelty that people inflict on others and the long term damage it causes.

 

[Mrs. T]

Thank you for the advice, I am certain it will be quite helpful when the time comes. We are still waiting for an appointment with a professional, but I hope soon. I have been telling my husband as much as I have been learning on here and he is now open to talking more about it. What concerns me though, is he says he is only doing this for me. I would prefer him to do it for himself...but I hope it becomes that...it's a start I guess. We are starting with a diagnosis, then hopefully he may feel prepared to talk about it with someone. There is an expensive therapist who is from africa and works with people with Ptsd and also immigrants...only problem is she is expensive. But she may be a good one...arg. Guess we'll see when the time comes.
And yes, People are so cruel, it just makes no sense to me how awful people can be...

 

[ISupportHer]

It's hard to say if there will be improvement. Certainly there CAN be, but a lot of that depends on them. We can influence some of it by our own reactions and behaviors, however. Truthfully? The PTSD will always be there. The situation ebbs and flows. Up and down. My situation is years now, not weeks or months. But it Can get better!

ISH