I just excitedly stumbled onto this site and I didn't resist or felt that this is not where I belong. I'm frightened, though, of something that I'm not really sure exactly what. Nothing is consistent or makes any kind of logical sense of what my body is doing or feeling when my mind is not even in this equation. My body feels things so intensly and it is so overwhelming and sweeps me up so fast in , maybe emotions, (I don't know what it is) this....I don't have words for it because they are different so many of the time and there is no way for me to intellectually to barge in and tell my body and/or nervous system that I'm an adult now so you are safe nor can I stop looking and acting "normal" ( which includes me being so social, confident, happy, intelligent, etc.) when I'm around others especially therapists, doctors, psychiatrists, friends, family and okay, pretty much everybody. There has actually been a few times lately where my mom and one sister did experience a different state or part or whatever it is but I even question if that even happened or not because my mom or sister does not seem that anything was wrong or different with me. I'm extremely confused as to what is real, if things really are happening in the way I perceive as happening, if what I think I'm experiencing is un ordinary to what "normal" humans experience on a daily basis, if the really (or so I think) bad memory lapses or "forgetfulness " that I experience is ordinary, or hearing all the different voices inside me arguing, demanding, comforting, child and children, the angry male voices that call me the most aweful names and see vivid images of me being chopped into pieces like in a horror film yet it feels so good and calming and not scary at all. To have never experienced a visual flashback of any trauma nor do I ever think of them with any sort of emotions. It's so easy to tell my "story" (I don't know what to put in quotes or not. Think it's a defense mechanism just in case?) without crying, anger, hate, shame (by the way, I don't think I feel shame so that's also confusing in that in every thing I read about PTSD and dissociation is this overwhelming feeling of shame or embarrassed and I have never wished my life had been different nor blamed anyone except the classic blaming myself) but maybe I have? (I'm typing this on my phone so if I don't make sense or push something that wasn't supposed to just want to apologize beforehand:)) Thank goodness I had kept journals since I was 10 years old because my reality is there in black and white so if I have to defend myself over why I had anorexia when around 12 years old, how chaotic and unsafe my home was, how my dad behavior was never consistent especially where religion is concerned (he would sell all our furniture and take our new vehicles back and be fanatical about being prepared for the end of days) and then a couple months later he is buying new furniture and new vehicles, bringing home rated R movies, never say prayer, stop going to church, etc. My whole childhood until 17 years old I was constantly frightened that my family wouldn't be with me when I died and all the horrible things that were supposed to happen at the coming of Christ. I suffered from really bad depression and self hate and tried so hard to be perfect. I did pretty darn good too:) But then my whole world dissolved in about an hour when I was 17. I was raped and never told a soul. I can't even say that I was numb but maybe it I was. It was a whole separate person that existed and a whole lot more. Has anyone heard of Religious Trauma? I can relate. Winding down. I have been through 3 therapists within the last year that has tried to force me to believe I do not dissociate. A new psychiatrist who in one meeting told me I don't look like I dissociate and totally judged me not by what my previous psychiatrist has been seeing me for the last two years one hour every month for, which is DIDNOS, PTSD, eating disorder, bipolar, OCD, suicide attempts, fatigue, insomnia and now my last therapist was forcing me to fit me into the borderline personality disorder to convince me that I don't dissociate therefore I can change my behavior and not blame it on dissociation. I'm tired of not being validated, seen and heard. To question myself so many times and to become more and more secluded and always feel I have to defend myself so I spend hours on internet and books about human development and brains and everything having to do with mental health (or lack of), and how therapists should hopefully understand their patients, and everything that has to do with this life to fit in with these humans. I saw a psychiatrist because I need to get meds refilled and I had an evaluation and I was in a mischievous mood thank goodness. This guy , I swear, has only been taught that everything is bipolar or at least he's only comfortable with that diagnosis. He asks me the basic questions and I ask him on what day or month or year and what minute or second does he want that answer to reflect. He dismissed me and said I just have bipolar and I told him I sincerely was grateful for making all this mess clear to me. Then he asks about PTSD. He asks me how long I have had to endure the flashbacks and nightmares and I said I've never had them. He was surprised and said I definitely don't have PTSD. I asked him why when someone who is raped not be affected in one way or another and I haven't been affected through three rapes along all the other things that happen in between. He said it must have just rolled off of me. I said "Awesome!" And he filled my meds. This is where I am and I realize that me talking or texting keeps me dissociate from feeling also. Sorry I wrote so much!
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Sufferer Will Someone Please Believe Me
- Post starter torietoo
- Start date
- Status
Having an outward normal appearance doesn't mean what's inside is working well. I can walk around, go to work, hang out with my daughter, and look really normal. But inside I live a waking nightmare. No one knows. But I've had a few good therapists, and that's really helped.
You sound really scared. You sound pretty normal for people who share here. Welcome to the forum.
You sound really scared. You sound pretty normal for people who share here. Welcome to the forum.
seekingstability
Bronze Member
Welcome to the forums Torietoo.
I don't really have much to say - apart from don't stop seeking help.
I also grew up in a religiously fanatical home so understand the instability this can bring. Always afraid of the 'rapture', making sure I was repentant of any sin, concerned people who were labelled as 'prophetic' could see my sin and would expose me. My mother had a mental illness and eating disorder that came across as her being quite OCD about everything... anyway - enough of me. I just want you to know that you're not alone.
All my best.
I don't really have much to say - apart from don't stop seeking help.
I also grew up in a religiously fanatical home so understand the instability this can bring. Always afraid of the 'rapture', making sure I was repentant of any sin, concerned people who were labelled as 'prophetic' could see my sin and would expose me. My mother had a mental illness and eating disorder that came across as her being quite OCD about everything... anyway - enough of me. I just want you to know that you're not alone.
All my best.
sun seeker
Diamond Member
How can someone "not look like they dissociate?" Unless the psychiatrist is going to follow you around long enough to see you in a dissociative episode, don't they have to go on what you report? This psychiatrist sounds pretty unprofessional to me.
Welcome to the forum, glad you're here.
I think any psychiatrist that says that is an idiot. While people might be affected to different degrees, I don't think rape is something anyone can have "just roll off" of them.
What happens, at least too me, is that the brain can't cope with it at that moment, and so you feel unaffected for awhile. Eventually though, when the brain feels you are in a safe place and able to process these events, the feeling will start coming out.
I felt nothing for years when my mom committed suicide. Logically I knew it happened, but emotionally, it was like I had no clue. The emotions finally came and I started processing it, many years later. Another time I was in a car accident. Not a bad one, but it felt as routine as getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. No matter what, it didn't feel like something out of the ordinary happened. Several weeks later, it just sort of hit me.
As far as religious trauma, yeah, been there done that. Had my grandfather try to exercise demons out of me as kid. We did the whole rapture thing too. "Don't need a new car when the roads are going to be so torn up you won't even be able to drive on them."
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I relate to very much of what you say and am glad you found this site. You did NOT write too much, I promise, but you could perhaps consider some paragraph breaks in your writing dear, so more people will follow and understand. You know? Smaller chunks are simply easier to follow in written format (I'm a compulsive editor because I can write a lot, and I think it's helpful because I am really ME in my writing). But I'm sure many here do relate to your story or parts of it.
First off, aside from that, BPD is not the end of the world if the diagnosis and treatment fit. But say the diagnosis does not fit...then you need to keep looking for someone who understands complex trauma. I dissociate, but not to the point of amnesia or total disconnection. It's more subtle. But a good trauma therapist would recognize and understand the various shades of trauma. I've seen eating disorder therapists (my most deadly symptom at times, so to a point that was very relevant). But if you can find a therapist who specializes in the treatment of trauma, they might be less concerned about all the details of the diagnosis and more understanding of your symptoms and how to work with them.
Anyway, welcome....I hope this is a helpful place for you.
First off, aside from that, BPD is not the end of the world if the diagnosis and treatment fit. But say the diagnosis does not fit...then you need to keep looking for someone who understands complex trauma. I dissociate, but not to the point of amnesia or total disconnection. It's more subtle. But a good trauma therapist would recognize and understand the various shades of trauma. I've seen eating disorder therapists (my most deadly symptom at times, so to a point that was very relevant). But if you can find a therapist who specializes in the treatment of trauma, they might be less concerned about all the details of the diagnosis and more understanding of your symptoms and how to work with them.
Anyway, welcome....I hope this is a helpful place for you.
- Post starter
- #7
Thank you all so much for you sharing with me! It's an odd feeling when someone actually replies and I really like it so thank you!
I use my phone for the internet and it makes it hard to see what the writing looks like and honestly I fogot all the etiquette that exists outside of texting.
I can't even write an email . Technology sometimes. Positive and negative always comes out of something. I can't figure out the smiley faces so I don't add them right now but I will figure it out and put too much when I get excited!
Right now I don't feel like I did when I posted this. Like everyone always changing. I have read so much on Borderline personality but unfortunately it hasn't been shown through alot of different outlets as being anything other than being manipulative or at least that what jumps out at me and once I see that word I have a terrible reaction so I don't look into it anymore. I'm so very curious and sometimes things wont trigger me at
Different times so I finally found the right information about it that doesn't cause such a reaction. It definitely has to do with the population being misinformed and became me being misinformed because of how my therapist and that psychiatrist was treating me. I'm extremely defensive because of all these labels and no one to help navigate through all this.
I appreciate everyone so much for welcoming me and I hope I can help you too! Goodnight!
I use my phone for the internet and it makes it hard to see what the writing looks like and honestly I fogot all the etiquette that exists outside of texting.
I can't even write an email . Technology sometimes. Positive and negative always comes out of something. I can't figure out the smiley faces so I don't add them right now but I will figure it out and put too much when I get excited!
Right now I don't feel like I did when I posted this. Like everyone always changing. I have read so much on Borderline personality but unfortunately it hasn't been shown through alot of different outlets as being anything other than being manipulative or at least that what jumps out at me and once I see that word I have a terrible reaction so I don't look into it anymore. I'm so very curious and sometimes things wont trigger me at
Different times so I finally found the right information about it that doesn't cause such a reaction. It definitely has to do with the population being misinformed and became me being misinformed because of how my therapist and that psychiatrist was treating me. I'm extremely defensive because of all these labels and no one to help navigate through all this.
I appreciate everyone so much for welcoming me and I hope I can help you too! Goodnight!
I'm not manipulative. I've taken the MMPI and every other relevant assessment in the U.S. and been diagnosed with nothing beyond anorexia, major depression and PTSD (DSM diagnosis). But I have to say I relate well to some borderline characteristics. It's painful, but helpful for me to recognize. Easier when I feel like I have a therapist who can recognize this stuff without shaming me but giving me hope. So, my point (I think :confused:), is that the exact diagnosis when there are layers of traumas might be less important than having faith in your therapist and the route the therapy might take.
If my current therapist wanted to call me BPD I might think, "great!", because I'm more inclined to trust the form of therapy I am doing right now. So, not sure if you can set all stigma aside, but if you know you have a therapist who is qualified to deal with early trauma and/or multiple traumas, does it help to learn about what the therapy might entail? I promise you, unfortunately, it might not be a short ride. So it is important to find a therapist you feel is safe ("safe enough") and skilled in working with trauma. I say "enough" because it helps me to avoid looking for perfection, but having faith on my therapist's general training and also our combined abilities to have a pretty good relationship.
You did good with some paragraph breaks. Yay! Obviously that is of minimal importance....I suggested only because I know I sometimes have to go back and chop big chunks up because I have so many thoughts. But again, writing is so helpful for me. And hopefully writing and reading here on the forum is helpful to you too.
:hug:
p.s. I don't have a smart phone (just a dumb shit phone), but on my laptop the smileys show up above my paragraph typing space. But really, you don't need them, though they be fun....:joyful::meh::nailbiting::O_o::);)
If my current therapist wanted to call me BPD I might think, "great!", because I'm more inclined to trust the form of therapy I am doing right now. So, not sure if you can set all stigma aside, but if you know you have a therapist who is qualified to deal with early trauma and/or multiple traumas, does it help to learn about what the therapy might entail? I promise you, unfortunately, it might not be a short ride. So it is important to find a therapist you feel is safe ("safe enough") and skilled in working with trauma. I say "enough" because it helps me to avoid looking for perfection, but having faith on my therapist's general training and also our combined abilities to have a pretty good relationship.
You did good with some paragraph breaks. Yay! Obviously that is of minimal importance....I suggested only because I know I sometimes have to go back and chop big chunks up because I have so many thoughts. But again, writing is so helpful for me. And hopefully writing and reading here on the forum is helpful to you too.
:hug:
p.s. I don't have a smart phone (just a dumb shit phone), but on my laptop the smileys show up above my paragraph typing space. But really, you don't need them, though they be fun....:joyful::meh::nailbiting::O_o::);)
- Post starter
- #9
Phones are pretty dumb! Very frustrating! I don't use any of the "fancy" stuff that some people need to have. As long as I can talk, text, have internet and email (which I don't get much of thank goodness). I had to have my internet access blocked every once in awhile because I become obsessed with buying alot of crap with money I don't have. I've actually had my Mom take over my checking account so I don't have access to it.
As with therapists, slim pickings where I live. Even with medical needs people will drive to different cities to go to a hospital than go to the one here.
I've been here for about a year and a half and have been through three therapists because they really have no training in trauma and it's been really hard going to see any one of them because they don't understand nor will they try to understand me. I think because they aren't trained in this way that none of them are a safe place for me.
The last therapist I had was so caring and I truly believed that she really could see what's underneath the happy exterior. When I had given her a rundown of my life, it's pretty obvious that I distrust men and I lump all men into the category of every man will cheat on their spouse because that's all I've ever been around through my whole life.
I know that that is a false belief but I am not able to let it in me that it is a minority of men that do as with women and they actually love the woman they are with.
And the so called god isnt a nice man because that's how I had believed that here's another man that I had to please. It's been only the last couple years that I totally don't believe that he exists. I understand that a therapist is supposed to show that my reality is skewed and I guess she needs to question me about my beliefs to show me that I'm being unreasonable???
She became argumentative to challenge my ideas about god not being a bad guy. I've read alot of books about how a therapist should at least provide a safe place and it's possible that I overreact with not believing it's a safe place. That's why I investigate with learning about myself and maybe to validate that I'm not overreacting.
I put god aside because she wasn't going to stop proving to me that he does exist. There is so much hurt and pain connected with my dad and his fixed beliefs that he is special in that he will lead the righteous people to the new Jurusilim (don't even know how that is spelled) in the last days. That's a whole other story on it's own. My dad is connected deep down as the beginning of the trauma I have experienced since I was born.
Since he is the root?? Of alot of stuff that I figured need to be released from me is that about my dad. I logically know why my dad is who he is, why he is the way he is because I have alot of the same characteristics as him. (Only the good ones:)) and I share alot of characteristicTes (my brain isn't working very well with words) as my mom. I see myself as not having my own self but a mixture of both my mom and dad.
What I'm going through now, I believe is a death of that person I used to be and hopefully am born my own person if I survive this. If my dad is totally connected with alot of my "distorted thinking " that I need to break away from, am I not supposed to heal from that? I don't blame my dad or mom or anyone like the men who raped me and how horrible my ex husband was to me. It's like my life didn't exist before this moment right now. But, by reading alot of the stuff about trauma and how it is held in your body even if your conscience being is totally fine with everything, that all the problems I have right now is how my body reacts to triggers I'm not aware of.
Aren't I supposed to connect what is going on in my body with an emotion and become conscience of it so it can properly be filed in my mind so it no longer has such a strong affect on me? And to be able to do that aren't my inner child need to grieve over the pain that she felt when she was young and that entails being angry at my mom and dad for not protecting me and such. I know I'm an adult now and I understand and love my parents and realize they did the best they could given under which they grew up and what lack of skills they had.
With all three counselors, within a couple sessions of me talking about the hurt that I have , I get the question of is my dad going to change and that since my dad obviously isn't going to change nor have I ever wanted to change anybody, that it's me that needs to change. I already know that. For some reason that really hurts and I become even more dissociative and more hate for myself and start to self harm and whatever else I can do to hurt myself but I could no longer to continue to see the therapist.
This last one I had, I thought I finally have someone who understands me and cares about me but in between sessions I found new ways to physically hurt myself and the voices inside me were so mean to me and wanted me to off myself. I don't even know why I'm in therapy because I can't comprehend that a future exists. Before, I started therapy so I can be better for my husband. Everything I did was not for me but for someone else even though I was already doing great and very independent and didn't need a man (hah) and I took care of people and worked really hard at my job and everyone loved me except my husband. Once again, that's another story. What I'm trying to get at is that nobody has ever had to take care of me except the last couple of years. I had to move back to where my family lives because I needed my mom to help me because every day is unbearable.
I keep getting off of the subject! This last therapist, like I said was so wonderful and started to trust her but at one session which turned out to be my last session, turned into someone hurtful. I was telling her about what my dad had done the day before and how badly I reacted to it and she said I can't change my dad so lets move on. Instantly I disappeared. I no longer existed to myself. Plus she told me to "stop slinging my bullshit to others." She was referring to my telling her of the information that I have learned about different topics and feel like it would be beneficial to my friends and family to learn something interesting because everybody is so busy working and aren't the type of people that to look into things like the latest research into human development. Things like that. Why can't I be a teacher and share things that I have been learning? Even if my family doesn't have time or care to "learn" something it's okay and they always thank me for sharing with them and it helps them understand better.
But that's what my therapist meant about slinging my bullshit onto others. She said that I put them in a bad situation because maybe they're threatened by me "forcing" them to read things I'm interested in. She told me to leave my family alone and get on the internet and find a chatroom with people who are interested in the same thing. I didn't have the internet then so she said for me to go to the library or take a course at the community college. I told her how hard it is for me to even leave my place because my body shakes terribly and I lose my speech and vision. She insisted that if I keep forcing myself to go outside that I will get better. I seriously couldn't believe what she was saying. The last thing she said was "I'm not going to baby you and hold your hand so if that's what you expect then this is not the place to be".
I did cancel the rest of my appointments with her but for a week my insides hurt so bad and I couldn't move. But, I got over it, read some more information about how there are different ways that trauma people can get better help and so I had to google specific words to find a therapist who isn't the mainstream therapist that pop up when I google therapist. Hopefully he will be a better fit but I'm kind of worried that I'm going to hold back so I don't get hurt again.
As with therapists, slim pickings where I live. Even with medical needs people will drive to different cities to go to a hospital than go to the one here.
I've been here for about a year and a half and have been through three therapists because they really have no training in trauma and it's been really hard going to see any one of them because they don't understand nor will they try to understand me. I think because they aren't trained in this way that none of them are a safe place for me.
The last therapist I had was so caring and I truly believed that she really could see what's underneath the happy exterior. When I had given her a rundown of my life, it's pretty obvious that I distrust men and I lump all men into the category of every man will cheat on their spouse because that's all I've ever been around through my whole life.
I know that that is a false belief but I am not able to let it in me that it is a minority of men that do as with women and they actually love the woman they are with.
And the so called god isnt a nice man because that's how I had believed that here's another man that I had to please. It's been only the last couple years that I totally don't believe that he exists. I understand that a therapist is supposed to show that my reality is skewed and I guess she needs to question me about my beliefs to show me that I'm being unreasonable???
She became argumentative to challenge my ideas about god not being a bad guy. I've read alot of books about how a therapist should at least provide a safe place and it's possible that I overreact with not believing it's a safe place. That's why I investigate with learning about myself and maybe to validate that I'm not overreacting.
I put god aside because she wasn't going to stop proving to me that he does exist. There is so much hurt and pain connected with my dad and his fixed beliefs that he is special in that he will lead the righteous people to the new Jurusilim (don't even know how that is spelled) in the last days. That's a whole other story on it's own. My dad is connected deep down as the beginning of the trauma I have experienced since I was born.
Since he is the root?? Of alot of stuff that I figured need to be released from me is that about my dad. I logically know why my dad is who he is, why he is the way he is because I have alot of the same characteristics as him. (Only the good ones:)) and I share alot of characteristicTes (my brain isn't working very well with words) as my mom. I see myself as not having my own self but a mixture of both my mom and dad.
What I'm going through now, I believe is a death of that person I used to be and hopefully am born my own person if I survive this. If my dad is totally connected with alot of my "distorted thinking " that I need to break away from, am I not supposed to heal from that? I don't blame my dad or mom or anyone like the men who raped me and how horrible my ex husband was to me. It's like my life didn't exist before this moment right now. But, by reading alot of the stuff about trauma and how it is held in your body even if your conscience being is totally fine with everything, that all the problems I have right now is how my body reacts to triggers I'm not aware of.
Aren't I supposed to connect what is going on in my body with an emotion and become conscience of it so it can properly be filed in my mind so it no longer has such a strong affect on me? And to be able to do that aren't my inner child need to grieve over the pain that she felt when she was young and that entails being angry at my mom and dad for not protecting me and such. I know I'm an adult now and I understand and love my parents and realize they did the best they could given under which they grew up and what lack of skills they had.
With all three counselors, within a couple sessions of me talking about the hurt that I have , I get the question of is my dad going to change and that since my dad obviously isn't going to change nor have I ever wanted to change anybody, that it's me that needs to change. I already know that. For some reason that really hurts and I become even more dissociative and more hate for myself and start to self harm and whatever else I can do to hurt myself but I could no longer to continue to see the therapist.
This last one I had, I thought I finally have someone who understands me and cares about me but in between sessions I found new ways to physically hurt myself and the voices inside me were so mean to me and wanted me to off myself. I don't even know why I'm in therapy because I can't comprehend that a future exists. Before, I started therapy so I can be better for my husband. Everything I did was not for me but for someone else even though I was already doing great and very independent and didn't need a man (hah) and I took care of people and worked really hard at my job and everyone loved me except my husband. Once again, that's another story. What I'm trying to get at is that nobody has ever had to take care of me except the last couple of years. I had to move back to where my family lives because I needed my mom to help me because every day is unbearable.
I keep getting off of the subject! This last therapist, like I said was so wonderful and started to trust her but at one session which turned out to be my last session, turned into someone hurtful. I was telling her about what my dad had done the day before and how badly I reacted to it and she said I can't change my dad so lets move on. Instantly I disappeared. I no longer existed to myself. Plus she told me to "stop slinging my bullshit to others." She was referring to my telling her of the information that I have learned about different topics and feel like it would be beneficial to my friends and family to learn something interesting because everybody is so busy working and aren't the type of people that to look into things like the latest research into human development. Things like that. Why can't I be a teacher and share things that I have been learning? Even if my family doesn't have time or care to "learn" something it's okay and they always thank me for sharing with them and it helps them understand better.
But that's what my therapist meant about slinging my bullshit onto others. She said that I put them in a bad situation because maybe they're threatened by me "forcing" them to read things I'm interested in. She told me to leave my family alone and get on the internet and find a chatroom with people who are interested in the same thing. I didn't have the internet then so she said for me to go to the library or take a course at the community college. I told her how hard it is for me to even leave my place because my body shakes terribly and I lose my speech and vision. She insisted that if I keep forcing myself to go outside that I will get better. I seriously couldn't believe what she was saying. The last thing she said was "I'm not going to baby you and hold your hand so if that's what you expect then this is not the place to be".
I did cancel the rest of my appointments with her but for a week my insides hurt so bad and I couldn't move. But, I got over it, read some more information about how there are different ways that trauma people can get better help and so I had to google specific words to find a therapist who isn't the mainstream therapist that pop up when I google therapist. Hopefully he will be a better fit but I'm kind of worried that I'm going to hold back so I don't get hurt again.
- Post starter
- #10
And I have never had a psych evaluation until earlier this year and I was worried about it because I am a different person at any given moment and never in my life has a mood or personality stayed the same. Especially these last couple of years when I can experience a rapid succession of states or moods within seconds or minutes. I never know what I will be waking up to nor how I will be within an hour if I'm so lucky to be in a state of being for that long. This is totally normal for me so I never worry or frightened or have anxiety because I don't know how long this state will last because when I'm in a state at that particular time, nothing exists , past or future. it's only what is happening at that moment and that's totally normal.
There will be days or weeks that I'll pass out constantly or my back will hurt so bad I can't stand up then the next day or so I'll be free of the pain. I can have extremely painful intestinal pain and then it will go away. Some days I can't see and some days I'm far sighted and nearsighted at the same time. Some times I can't fall asleep even when the few nights before I fell fastly asleep. Sometimes I will sleep so good the first part of the night then can't go back to sleep and yet, if I'm lucky I'll sleep like a rock the whole night through. I know this isn't unusual but I have had insomnia since I was a teenager and have always had to take something to put me to sleep. I know how fast our bodies get used to a medication and it doesn't work anymore. Sleeping is the best part of my day so believe me I will do anything to make me sleep. A couple xanax a night used to work for me. I could take seroquil and its like I've never taken it. I've taken up to four of them to see if I could fall asleep but nope, no affect at all.
I could take a whole bottle of ambien or lunesta and doesn't phase me one bit. All the medication that is supposed to help you sleep and I've read about others and how some will work for them and others don't. Right now I take 3 xanax, 5 OTC sleeping pills, 5 Advil PM, 100 mg of Trazadone and sometimes that will put me to sleep, sometimes not. When I'm in that drugged state and can't fall asleep, I will keep taking some of the pills until I hopefully can sleep. Other times no matter how much I take, I'm still awake but have an aweful hangover the next day.
But I'm assuming that's normal for most of us
There will be days or weeks that I'll pass out constantly or my back will hurt so bad I can't stand up then the next day or so I'll be free of the pain. I can have extremely painful intestinal pain and then it will go away. Some days I can't see and some days I'm far sighted and nearsighted at the same time. Some times I can't fall asleep even when the few nights before I fell fastly asleep. Sometimes I will sleep so good the first part of the night then can't go back to sleep and yet, if I'm lucky I'll sleep like a rock the whole night through. I know this isn't unusual but I have had insomnia since I was a teenager and have always had to take something to put me to sleep. I know how fast our bodies get used to a medication and it doesn't work anymore. Sleeping is the best part of my day so believe me I will do anything to make me sleep. A couple xanax a night used to work for me. I could take seroquil and its like I've never taken it. I've taken up to four of them to see if I could fall asleep but nope, no affect at all.
I could take a whole bottle of ambien or lunesta and doesn't phase me one bit. All the medication that is supposed to help you sleep and I've read about others and how some will work for them and others don't. Right now I take 3 xanax, 5 OTC sleeping pills, 5 Advil PM, 100 mg of Trazadone and sometimes that will put me to sleep, sometimes not. When I'm in that drugged state and can't fall asleep, I will keep taking some of the pills until I hopefully can sleep. Other times no matter how much I take, I'm still awake but have an aweful hangover the next day.
But I'm assuming that's normal for most of us
intothelight
Sponsor
Welcome!
As you read the threads and posts here, you'll find a lot of the members have had multiple diagnosises and regardless of the labels, it is just about healing and enjoying life again. Keep focused on the goal and I hope you find some things here helpful.
As you read the threads and posts here, you'll find a lot of the members have had multiple diagnosises and regardless of the labels, it is just about healing and enjoying life again. Keep focused on the goal and I hope you find some things here helpful.
KwanYingirl
Diamond Member
Does your doctor know you are taking a lot of OTC drugs? Are you working with a trauma therapist? Sounds like you would benefit from that. Sleeplessness is common with PTSD. Too much cortisol and adrenaline being pumped into the bloodstream to prepare you for flight, fight or freeze. Always on alert. Unpacking those triggers and processing where they're from and learning that you are not in danger will help you calm down. A lot of people with PTSD benefit from "non traditional" healing methods like acupuncture, somatic experiencing, reiki, EMDR, etc. Alas, this all takes time. I wish you well, welcome to the forum.
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