Lately I have been having unbearable problems with extremely disturbing intrusive thoughts, incest, beastiality, rape, pedophilism, believe me when I say NOTHING is the limit. It's like whatever I see, my mind turns it into the most disturbing sexual image possible. It's terrifying. Anyway I've been getting a little bit of a handle on it but I think it probably has something to do with the fact that my brother molested me for a long time when I was younger, and I've been trying to go to therapy but our only psych hospital is always overworked and the staff is, by far, the rudest, most unconcerned people I've ever met. Which is why I'm here. Anyway what I've been concerned about the most is that lately whenever my boyfriend, who is the most wonderful man I've ever met and and whom I wouldn't trade for the world, shows any sort of affection I instantly relate it to something disturbing and I am filled with dread. Things like, what if I were kissing my dad? Or my brother again?
Any other kind of intamacy triggers is it too, just wasn't going to go into detail... I'm so scared that this will ruin our relationship, I've told him what was going on and he's been very understanding and supportive but that still doesn't change the fact that I am having these horrifying thoughts whenever he touches me, even though I have them throughout the day these instances are what brings them on the most. I just want to know that through therapy or meds or even through time things will go back to the way they were, when I felt joy and love and euphoria around him, not terrified and lost. I'm so scared. And I don't want false reassurance. I just want to know if other people have these symptoms and go back to living a happy life after they've come to terms with what happened, or am I just going to stay reclusive and withdrawn forever? Please help...
Any other kind of intamacy triggers is it too, just wasn't going to go into detail... I'm so scared that this will ruin our relationship, I've told him what was going on and he's been very understanding and supportive but that still doesn't change the fact that I am having these horrifying thoughts whenever he touches me, even though I have them throughout the day these instances are what brings them on the most. I just want to know that through therapy or meds or even through time things will go back to the way they were, when I felt joy and love and euphoria around him, not terrified and lost. I'm so scared. And I don't want false reassurance. I just want to know if other people have these symptoms and go back to living a happy life after they've come to terms with what happened, or am I just going to stay reclusive and withdrawn forever? Please help...
