News Woody Allen Is Not A Monster. He Is A Person. Like My Father.

[ms spock]

I am sorry @Pencil

 

[ms spock]

So people like my mother cannot be left alone with any child, neither can my father.

 

[Abstract]

It isn't about sex, it is about power.

It so is about power isn't Ms Spock.

So you would define your father as a paedophile from the proper definition? Not a sexual predator?

 

[ms spock]

Women who have handed over their children for money to their sexual predator father should never be left alone with the children, eg my mother with my slightly autistic with another disability youngest brother.

 

[ms spock]

Someone who sexual abuse start under 8, who is sexually abused as a teenager and into their 20s should not take their children near their child rapists.[DOUBLEPOST=1391951337][/DOUBLEPOST]There are many situations that have to be headed off at the pass.

 

[Abstract]

people like my mother cannot be left alone

I am so sorry your mother did that Ms Spock. It is despicable. And yes, if she is capable of that she is not safe to be alone with children. Neither is your father. It is frightening to think of people who are capable of these things being at large.

Pencil you are very right. The cost of being able to hold the good and bad simultaneously in our minds is enormous. Hypervigilence can ruin almost anything potentially good. In fact I think it can cause a type of trauma to children in and of itself. And yes to dissociation. I have been mulling dissociation over in mind as the conversation has developed.

I suspect dissociation is responsible for an awful lot of re traumatisation. It has been for me. And I think it can start before any sexual assault happens in many families that have a history of abuse. Neglect both emotional and physical, physical abuse and emotional abuse can all result in long term dissociation tendencies. Not easy to fix either. And going from dissociation to hypervigilence isn't pretty or useful. I know from experience. That deputy head has a lot to answer for. I am sorry.

 

[Pencil]

I have been mulling dissociation over in mind as the conversation has developed

AFter my last post I suddenly wondered if dissociation is not a direct response to prolonged hypervigilence. The theory is that it is in response to the traumatic incident in itself, but I think the brain being on red alert all the time switches itself off through dissociation.

 

[Pencil]

That deputy head has a lot to answer for.

I think that was a symptom, rather than a cause. And her career was ruined in the end, BUT imagine this: I APOLOGIZED!

 

[Abstract]

Oh dear. :(

 

[ms spock]

It so is about power isn't Ms Spock.

So you would define your father as a paedophile from the proper definition? Not a sexual predator?

My father, my grandfather, my uncle, apparently my grandmother, - then all the enablers which is just as bad as the sexual abuse.

My father was so and is charismatic, funny, intelligent, represented blah blah to the media, held X position, was highly and is highly regarded and respected. Who every kid wanted to be their father as my father was so much FUN, read assessing opportunities for grooming, noting parents reaction and attachment to their children i.e whether a parent soothed their child and listened to them or whether parent, on the whole, says oh it is nothing. you are making a fuss of nothing. Life of the party. Well educated.

My mother extremely witty, highly manipulative, personable, highly educated, extremely intelligent, has a great sense of humour, likes to play with the children - oh yeah I am SO lucky to have her as a mother. She is a highly entertaining and funny person. A great organiser and a life of the party also.

So I don't think I know what the terms paedophile or sexual predator means really any more. There is a push in my circles to not use those terms and say child rapist.

I think though that if people here can't discuss stuff and there are some very intelligent people here who have commented on both sides of the arguments. All the people here are the survivors and to survive all that you have to be pretty smart. I don't really know if there will ever be substantive intergenerational social change.

There are a small group of people actively and thoughtfully protecting their children from the child rapists of their family. And that is in stark contrast to people who cut out their child rapists but don't realise their own vulnerabilities and thinking I got rid of sexual predator X,Y and Z, my kids are safe and finding out painfully 5, 10,`15 years later that this is not so. If you haven't been properly nutured and protected how can you give your kids what you don't have or never saw modeled.

If someone does child protection mindfully and thoughtfully in my mind throwing all our support behind them would be a useful thing to do.

If someone says my abusers are not around, therefore my children are protected, well helping them get appropriate counselling and parenting skills could be a good thing to do.

And I am half asleep now Abstract - if kid is in contact with the sexual predator in a family - they know Pop is unsafe and they are not to go anywhere with him, then they are protected from those times of crisis or accident. Otherwise a child who does not know Pop might happily leave and go with Pop. There is so many permutations that have to be considered.

Personally I give up. And it is not anything from this thread. I appreciate the depth and breadth of expression. I think though we are so far off dealing in anyway meaningfully with child sexual abuse that my absence or presence is not meaningful.

I am avoiding one network at the moment because I can see at any time the mother. who did all the enabling behaviours (I actually threw up after seeing them) is going to want to have the attention of the fact her J has sexually abused her 3 kids and it was as obvious as a freight train what he was like even before he and she had kids. She knew 70% of men that hit their partners sexually abuse.

And I am about to avoid another woman who did everything to protect her kids, except get appropriate therapy in order to be able to protect her kids. She divorced her family.

 

[ms spock]

Anyway the passion displayed is inspiring because it means so many bright and brave individuals are willing to engage in the discussion. That is a lot more than most people.

 

[Abstract]

Ms Spock, I would have described your father as an opportunistic sexual predator rather than a paedophile but I seem to be out of date in my knowledge and I don't pretend to be an expert. And I don't have the concentration or control over my brain at present to change either of those things either. Definitions are not that important anyway. What is is how you feel and you healing.

I shouldn't really be debating here but it is good that we have and you are right that it helps if people engage in these difficult topics rather than avoid them.

You are surrounded with too much of the negative reality of all this.