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Working In A Cubicle
- Post starter QuietNow
- Start date
- Status
- Post starter
- #14
If I get out. I've been here 2 weeks now, and I have to have a trauma therapist before I get out. My old therapist has moved on, the one I've got now definitely isn't Trauma, and finding one while stuck in here is like trying to throw darts at a spinning wheel while you're locked in a cage.
I'd swear, but that wouldn't be an appropriate choice now, would it?
But they like handing out Atavan when I freak out. Which has been about once a day.
I'd swear, but that wouldn't be an appropriate choice now, would it?
But they like handing out Atavan when I freak out. Which has been about once a day.
- Post starter
- #16
Two weeks after I moved into the final cubicle arrangement (description of it posted in the article on July 13, 2010), my manager called HR and reported that I had a non-standard accommodation to my cubicle. That it was unprofessional for me to have any aids in that cubicle.
HR sent me a letter to my house informing me that I had 10 days to get my doctor to fill out a form (very invasive personal form, too) outlining my accommodation. In meeting with the HR rep, he informed me that "you can get a doctor to sign anything. So if it isn't specific enough we'll have to have him fill it out again. Or have you see a doctor that we designate at your expense."
It took almost two months to get the form done. Getting an appointment with my psychiatrist takes about a month. And there were 4 appointments to go over this paperwork. She even came in at 7:30 am a few mornings to help get this done.
The form mentioned the need for a private or semi-private office with no cubicle walls. It also mentioned that my medication made waking at night difficult.
In response, the backlash has been pretty horrible. My manager is definitely on a path to be rid of me.
In a yearly review, there are 3 parts. The first is Expectations setting done in April/May after the review is done. The second is the Mid-year Review in November, which goes over areas where you are weak and need improvement, but gives you 6 months to improve them. The third is the Final Review, done in April. On Aug 28, 2010, my manager called me in to "go over the accommodation" but really it was an Expectations setting meeting. He's uncovered and at risk for not doing them. The accommodation granted was that I was put in an office (humorously I note that it was the storage room that was sort-of cleared out to put a desk and bookshelf. A concrete block cell, but, hey, no cubicle walls.).
The other Expectations were that suddenly my hours were in question. The night alerts were dismissed with "you haven't been on-call more than 2 weeks since November." That doesn't look right in my e-mail trail on the night alerts. I have many, many middle-of-the-night calls that he's cc'ed on. I am to adhere to regular hours (ok). If I leave my office for any reason, I need to notify him by e-mail and write the destination, time of departure, and time of expected arrival on a white board on my office door so that the other staff can find me. Any alert has to be answered within 1/2 an hour of the alert sounding. If not, then it will be noted.
The alert portion is a problem. I asked for a smart phone to answer the alert. It was not granted on the grounds that it was not needed. Every other coworker has bought their own to use for work purposes. So, no leaving the house when on-call. Which is pretty much all the time, whether he states it or not. (yes, I've thought of a way to handle that. When paged and I'm out, call the manager immediately and say something like, "if I had a smart phone, I could answer this. Instead, I'm out until [name time] and the page is not that urgent to answer." If it's urgent, of course, I'd call him but let him know that I'm heading home.)
The big problem with alerts is nighttime. My meds knock me out at night. And skipping them is not an option. So I'm left with violate the paging rules or not sleeping. I tried to start that dialogue by pointing out that it was explicitly mentioned in my doctor's recommendations. But I think they view this as vital to my job.
So I might be deemed not fit for duty in a short while. The not-in-my-office protocol is because when things got too oppressive, I walked the building to let the panic subside.
While at that meeting, I stopped my manager in the middle and told him that I couldn't handle it right now. That the professionals were recommending a partial inpatient program for me and that this had to wait until that was over. I refused to sign the paperwork.
Instead, when I called, the intake for the hospital recommended that I come in as a full inpatient. I was there for almost 3 weeks. Now, I'm home. That last interaction with work was such a trigger that I can't make myself go back to it. It's a highly abusive work environment. Instead, I'm using all of my leave and will go into FMLA at the end of this week --if the paperwork gets done. My spouse didn't understand that the paperwork had to be filed weeks ago. I'm having to deal with it and its causing me major panic attacks.
The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) paperwork will forestall me from just quitting outright. After a decade there, it seems to me that they owe me a bit more help than that. I've been a damned good employee that has saved them from a lot of grief in the past. But the past year has been awful. And the new management chain doesn't recognize any of the past work, I think. The new manager feels threatened, and his response to anything unpleasant is to get rid of it and make it someone else's problem.
HR sent me a letter to my house informing me that I had 10 days to get my doctor to fill out a form (very invasive personal form, too) outlining my accommodation. In meeting with the HR rep, he informed me that "you can get a doctor to sign anything. So if it isn't specific enough we'll have to have him fill it out again. Or have you see a doctor that we designate at your expense."
It took almost two months to get the form done. Getting an appointment with my psychiatrist takes about a month. And there were 4 appointments to go over this paperwork. She even came in at 7:30 am a few mornings to help get this done.
The form mentioned the need for a private or semi-private office with no cubicle walls. It also mentioned that my medication made waking at night difficult.
In response, the backlash has been pretty horrible. My manager is definitely on a path to be rid of me.
In a yearly review, there are 3 parts. The first is Expectations setting done in April/May after the review is done. The second is the Mid-year Review in November, which goes over areas where you are weak and need improvement, but gives you 6 months to improve them. The third is the Final Review, done in April. On Aug 28, 2010, my manager called me in to "go over the accommodation" but really it was an Expectations setting meeting. He's uncovered and at risk for not doing them. The accommodation granted was that I was put in an office (humorously I note that it was the storage room that was sort-of cleared out to put a desk and bookshelf. A concrete block cell, but, hey, no cubicle walls.).
The other Expectations were that suddenly my hours were in question. The night alerts were dismissed with "you haven't been on-call more than 2 weeks since November." That doesn't look right in my e-mail trail on the night alerts. I have many, many middle-of-the-night calls that he's cc'ed on. I am to adhere to regular hours (ok). If I leave my office for any reason, I need to notify him by e-mail and write the destination, time of departure, and time of expected arrival on a white board on my office door so that the other staff can find me. Any alert has to be answered within 1/2 an hour of the alert sounding. If not, then it will be noted.
The alert portion is a problem. I asked for a smart phone to answer the alert. It was not granted on the grounds that it was not needed. Every other coworker has bought their own to use for work purposes. So, no leaving the house when on-call. Which is pretty much all the time, whether he states it or not. (yes, I've thought of a way to handle that. When paged and I'm out, call the manager immediately and say something like, "if I had a smart phone, I could answer this. Instead, I'm out until [name time] and the page is not that urgent to answer." If it's urgent, of course, I'd call him but let him know that I'm heading home.)
The big problem with alerts is nighttime. My meds knock me out at night. And skipping them is not an option. So I'm left with violate the paging rules or not sleeping. I tried to start that dialogue by pointing out that it was explicitly mentioned in my doctor's recommendations. But I think they view this as vital to my job.
So I might be deemed not fit for duty in a short while. The not-in-my-office protocol is because when things got too oppressive, I walked the building to let the panic subside.
While at that meeting, I stopped my manager in the middle and told him that I couldn't handle it right now. That the professionals were recommending a partial inpatient program for me and that this had to wait until that was over. I refused to sign the paperwork.
Instead, when I called, the intake for the hospital recommended that I come in as a full inpatient. I was there for almost 3 weeks. Now, I'm home. That last interaction with work was such a trigger that I can't make myself go back to it. It's a highly abusive work environment. Instead, I'm using all of my leave and will go into FMLA at the end of this week --if the paperwork gets done. My spouse didn't understand that the paperwork had to be filed weeks ago. I'm having to deal with it and its causing me major panic attacks.
The FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) paperwork will forestall me from just quitting outright. After a decade there, it seems to me that they owe me a bit more help than that. I've been a damned good employee that has saved them from a lot of grief in the past. But the past year has been awful. And the new management chain doesn't recognize any of the past work, I think. The new manager feels threatened, and his response to anything unpleasant is to get rid of it and make it someone else's problem.
- Post starter
- #17
...When last we left our hero, she was seriously in trouble.
It's been a while since I updated. To continue the saga above, I left work on FMLA leave for roughly 2.5 months. I came back to work in November. The first few weeks that I was out I couldn't see how I could possibly handle going back ever again. I thought about quitting and just trying to do something from home. Start a pet sitting service or something.
After about 6 weeks, things started calming down. I started thinking about how to go back. Strategies. But every time I started to pull the trigger on my return, I backed down and hid for a while more. At the very end of my 90 day FMLA leave, I returned to work.
The minute I got back my manager started talking about moving me to the group that does desktop machine repair. That's actually pretty high stress and undervalued, so I told him it wasn't a good fit. He next started talking about moving me to the documentation group. A better fit, but the management there is pretty bad. But I got the sense that he really wanted to be rid of me. And fast.
So I gathered up my courage and approached the Director of the academic support group. It turns out that they were in the process of looking for someone with exactly my credentials. I was honest about the health issues, told the Director that I couldn't handle high stress anymore, but that I was willing to try to be a good employee for his group.
They transferred me to the academic support group. I have an office with floor-to-ceiling windows. I struggle with sitting at the desk all day. Something about the PTSD makes me "prowl-y", and I have to walk around the hall about every hour or two. But the group is warm and welcoming. The work is challenging me. I haven't done this job in about 5 years, so the learning curve has been steep. I am continually frustrated that I have things explained and I just don't remember them two days later. I'm relying on a lot of notes that I take and email that I track. I'm having a lot of trouble with learning and lossy memory. On the really bad days I lose my ability to read for a while.
I'm not completely successful. I have moments where the helicopters flying by the windows cause me to freeze and then panic slightly. I still smell chemical burning odors on occasion (there's nothing burning). I sometimes have the small hallucinations out of the corner of my eye. The medications help keep the panic attacks and flashback events from happening, but they make me groggy in the morning. Getting to work on time is a continual battle and this group is all about the hours and appearances. I have had to upgrade my wardrobe from jeans and t-shirts to dress slacks and skirts. If the Director is miffed or upset about something I've turned in or not kept him informed, the disapproval sends me skittering into a panic that makes it hard to think and talk. I really struggle with this.
But so far it's working. I just wish I felt less like a broken toy. I'm hoping that maybe once I'm further from the trauma reminders and more settled in the job, then I'll be less hesitant and better adjusted. I'm hoping that the trauma symptoms subside a bit more.
It's been a while since I updated. To continue the saga above, I left work on FMLA leave for roughly 2.5 months. I came back to work in November. The first few weeks that I was out I couldn't see how I could possibly handle going back ever again. I thought about quitting and just trying to do something from home. Start a pet sitting service or something.
After about 6 weeks, things started calming down. I started thinking about how to go back. Strategies. But every time I started to pull the trigger on my return, I backed down and hid for a while more. At the very end of my 90 day FMLA leave, I returned to work.
The minute I got back my manager started talking about moving me to the group that does desktop machine repair. That's actually pretty high stress and undervalued, so I told him it wasn't a good fit. He next started talking about moving me to the documentation group. A better fit, but the management there is pretty bad. But I got the sense that he really wanted to be rid of me. And fast.
So I gathered up my courage and approached the Director of the academic support group. It turns out that they were in the process of looking for someone with exactly my credentials. I was honest about the health issues, told the Director that I couldn't handle high stress anymore, but that I was willing to try to be a good employee for his group.
They transferred me to the academic support group. I have an office with floor-to-ceiling windows. I struggle with sitting at the desk all day. Something about the PTSD makes me "prowl-y", and I have to walk around the hall about every hour or two. But the group is warm and welcoming. The work is challenging me. I haven't done this job in about 5 years, so the learning curve has been steep. I am continually frustrated that I have things explained and I just don't remember them two days later. I'm relying on a lot of notes that I take and email that I track. I'm having a lot of trouble with learning and lossy memory. On the really bad days I lose my ability to read for a while.
I'm not completely successful. I have moments where the helicopters flying by the windows cause me to freeze and then panic slightly. I still smell chemical burning odors on occasion (there's nothing burning). I sometimes have the small hallucinations out of the corner of my eye. The medications help keep the panic attacks and flashback events from happening, but they make me groggy in the morning. Getting to work on time is a continual battle and this group is all about the hours and appearances. I have had to upgrade my wardrobe from jeans and t-shirts to dress slacks and skirts. If the Director is miffed or upset about something I've turned in or not kept him informed, the disapproval sends me skittering into a panic that makes it hard to think and talk. I really struggle with this.
But so far it's working. I just wish I felt less like a broken toy. I'm hoping that maybe once I'm further from the trauma reminders and more settled in the job, then I'll be less hesitant and better adjusted. I'm hoping that the trauma symptoms subside a bit more.
BloomInWinter
VIP Member
((((((QuietNow)))))))
drgnfl2078
Bronze Member
I work in a cube system too and sometimes I get a little cube crazy...good or bad when people have startled me I generally let out a sharp scream that scares them as much as it scares me. Luckily for me I work with great people and I have a good sense of humor about it too and always am able to laugh it off. My boss has joked about needing to wear a cow bell...and he uses caution now when approaching my area.
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