Worried About Another Member

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Thank you both. It's tough to get someone to understand what I'm trying to say if they haven't expereinced someone close to them wanting to commit suicide.

This experience with my mother has made me aware of the fact that no matter what anyone does, if that person is determined to do it and has made up their mind, they will find a way to do it.

I know that a lot of people tried to intervene on my mom's behalf, and they failed. This caused them an enormous amount of guilt and feelings of failure. These people who tried to save her did not deserve to carry around this guilt due to her decision. I seen the after math of these feelings of guilt on many family members, and it was horrible.

I realize my mother was in a lot of pain due to her father molesting her and feel very sorry that she had to go through that. But I also think that her final attempt was to get even with my father. She most certainly got even, and proved her point, but hurt many many people in the process.

For this reason I tend to stay away from those who speak of suicide. I will try to do what I can and offer moral support, help them find a therapist etc. However, if they continue talking about it I tell them I will miss them, and that will be the end of it until they snap out of it.

I don't feel I'm being cruel, I just know I can't control what their final decision will be and I refuse to cater to them constantly, not knowing the outcome, only to be hurt and full of guilt if they choose to carry out their goal. I have enough issues to deal with then to add that to the list.

I still have my own intrusive thoughts to deal with, but I know the difference between wanting help and giving up. Therefore, I will head to the ER if I get to the point of giving up.

I hope everyone understands now so that I'm not seen as some cold witch who doesn't care, because I do.

Tammy

 

[Grama-Herc]

Tammy

You are a very wise woman. I realize that you, unfortunately, speak from experience. You are however very correct, IMHO!

We here on the forum DO have enough to deal with in the guilt department. We certainly do not need this added stress.

You have stated the situation so well, I am impressed with your writings

 

[Cecilia]

Tammy,

I totally agree and you are in no way a "cold witch". We are all adults on the board and we make our own decisions. We are responsible for ourselves and for our own healing or for our own demise.

My mother-in-law used to lock herself in the bathroom and claim she was suicidal everytime we visited. So I thought, gee, we're bad for her, so we quit visiting. Unfortunately, that behavior was taught to her children and her son at the age of 35 did commit suicide. He called me the night before and left a message on my recorder. I was busy and did not return the call. However, even if I had, it would not have changed anything. He made his choice as sad as it is.

We can't beat ourselves up over other adults' feelings or reactions. I have been doing that my entire life and I cannot control everything. So I quit my job as Master of the Universe, when I found out that other people are out of my control. I can only choose what I do.

 

[sisu]

So I quit my job as Master of the Universe, when I found out that other people are out of my control. I can only choose what I do.

Cecilia,
I love that. By the way, what did you do with your Master of the Universe uniform?? :rofl:

Take care,
Sisu

 

[pandora]

Thanx everyone for all of the great comments.

I just hope she is getting help outside the forum. I know I am an excessive worrier and I can't change the situation......I am praying for her.

 

[Deleted member 541]

It has taken me a few days to calm down enough to be able to post this without the rage and anger that I have been feeling for the past few days. First I would like an explanation as to why this post was allowed in the public area??? My diary is located in PTSD Members area and not viewable to ALL members, only those allowed into the PTSD only area. I feel this has violated me and once again I now have issues of trust. I always was under the assumption that what ever was posted in the PTSD ONLY was to STAY THERE, I thought this included diaries also.

I also want all to know this... YES I am severly depressed, yes I have suicide ideation, Yes there are times I feel like I am on the precipice, but I have stated over and over in my diary that I am STRUGGLING and STILL FIGHTING to keep my head above water here. I also stated that I was was sorry that people were worried, and I was leaving the forum. I ASKED that people NOT contact me. I unplugged my phone, shut off my computer, had a really good cry and went to bed.

I want to also thank the member(s) of this forum who decided among themselves that I needed help. *sarcasm* They decided to call the police in my area. I was awoken to them pounding on my door, and basically given no choice, but to get into the cruiser and be taken to the hospital. I was then put in the Physc part of the hospital E.D. until I was evaluated. 2 therapist confirmed that YES I am severely depressed, have suicidal ideation, but they felt safe enough to recommend that I be discharged. Only a couple of problems with this.

1) You have to be released to another person. I LIVE ALONE!!!!! I had to wait for a friend to get out of work at 1am, before I could be discharged.

2) I have NO INSURANCE.... So I am now stuck with a hospital bill of probably $600- $1000 or more.

3) I didn't get home till 1:30 in the morning and didn't get to sleep till after 2 am, so work the next day was out of the question also.

I want all to know this... Whatever I decide to do with MY LIFE... IS my decision. NO ONE unless you feel what I feel, think what I think, or go through what I go through has the RIGHT to make a decision for me. I am an adult and have the right to end, or change my life if I feel so fit to do so.

I have received emails for a member here stating that they were going to commit suicide, I told them I would miss them, but in NO WAY would I even try to prevent them for making their own decision. It's a personal decision and IMO NO ONE has the right to tell me what to do.

I am just disgusted by this post and the members that decided to take things in there own hands. Next time try hitting the alarm button instead of making a stupid decision.

I'm out of here.

 

[linasmom]

The "themselves" includes me, I did not call the police but I did play a part in what happened that night. Wendy, I apologize for crossing any boundaries.

Anthony,

I think I'm going to step down as a moderator here.

I apologize for any trouble that I may have caused anyone, I'm really sorry. I've got to take a break from the forum because I should not be crying every time I come here, like I am now. This whole situation has put me completely over the edge.

Thanks,
rachel

 

[Deleted member 541]

Rachel,

I am grateful that you stepped up to the plate and apologized for your part in all of this. Right now I am not in the mind set to accept your apology. I would however like to see if the *OTHER* person has the balls or ovaries to step up to the plate and do the same. Actually I want this person to do this and take responsibility for what they have done.

I also want the answers to my question as to WHY this thread was even allowed, so I am pushing the alarm button myself to make sure that Anthony sees this and I am given an explanation..

 

[nic]

Wendy,

I sent you an e-mail Monday night that explained everything. I am not going to "defend" myself here, to anyone, because other forum members were not privy to certain conversations and information that we shared. If you want to discuss this further, I would be more than happy to do so off the forum.

Nic

 

[Deleted member 541]

Nic,

I didn't expect you, nor did I want you to *DEFEND* yourself... Call me ignorant, but I did expect an apology. Apparently you feel that you have done nothing wrong, so you don't feel an apology is appropriate. So I guess that this absolves you from any responsibility. Sorry it just doesn't cut it for me. As far as our private conversations.........Yes I will admit I have said things to you concerning suicide, suicide ideation, my depression, and my situation. We last spoke on Sat, yes I was depressed but talked to you about your weekend and gave you encouragement with taking your test, and wished you well. On Monday night you decided to call the police based on what I had written in my diary. Did you even stop to THINK that MOTHER'S DAY may have been a HUGE trigger for me?? Something really hard to get through, something very difficult????


I didn't get your message, or your email as I had my phone shut off, and was NOT online. I ASKED that NO ONE CALL ME or CONTACT me. You crossed that boundary, and then went even further by calling the police, and causing me a ton of shit. I got your message when the cops were here, and I asked if I could make a phone call. THAT'S when I called you and told you to NEVER CALL ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

I was actually sectioned 12 in the E.D until someone could pick me up.

So I guess I should take some responsibility for some of this. I apology if I have upset anyone. I did say this in my diary, thought I was very clear, apparently I wasn't.

At least I have the balls to apologize, and take responsibility for my actions.

 

[nic]

I'm sorry for the things you had to go through Monday night. When I called, I downplayed the situation as much as possible, and asked if someone could go check on you to see how you were doing, as I lived too far away to do so. However, (as you figured), I am not going to appologize for making the call. Like you said, you were on the precipice of suicide. I knew Mother's Day would be very difficult for you, and that, combined with what you had been saying lately, combined with your personal history, combined with you suddenly wanting no contact, the red flags were waving high, and I was very afraid that you may have acted upon these thoughts.

Like I said in my e-mail, I value our friendship, but I value your life even more. I can live with losing you as a friend--(I will be sad, of course)--but I cannot live with losing YOU.

Again, I would be more than happy to discuss this further off the forum.

Nic

 

[pandora]

i AM SO GLAD TO KNOW YOU ARE SAFE.