Worry I Am A Narcissist.

[LongStoryShort]

I worry that I could be a narcissist. Though I was diagnosed with PTSD. I believe my mother and her hubby are narcissists. Sometimes I do the same thing as my mother does which is to start talking about myself when others say things about themselves, I try not to and notice when I do this it gives me angst when talking to people because I don't know if I'm behaving correctly or not.

The other day I was under fire and being criticized for some school work and I curled up into a ball and it felt like I was being punched in the stomach I felt sick and just wanted to run away. After words I was in physical pain from it all and felt anger and behaved like a child. I kept telling people that I'm really suffering here, I guess in a bad way cause it ended up in me being called mean and out of context which made me feel even worse :-( oh it was horrible and I ended up hurting someone's feelings and my own feelings.Oh I wish I had backed up sooner cause I could almost see it coming. Now I'm in limbo despising myself and feeling pathetic. What if I am a narcissist after all :-(

 

[TwoDee2ThreeDee]

There are quite a few articles here about what happens when children's emotional needs aren't being met. Also, I know that I tend to isolate myself, so when I do try to make a connection, I want to know that people are hearing me and so it becomes about me. Realizing that you are doing it is a tremendous step and it will become something to learn from. Try to give yourself a break and figure out what you can do to recognize and divert yourself. The fact that you're concerned about hurting other people's feelings is a strike against narcissism.

 

[macca]

I agree with TwoDee2ThreeDee - the fact that you are worried about how others might feel and that you try not to do it, seems to indicate that you are not a narcissist. A narcissist would probably not even notice that they did it, or if they did, they would not care. Your reactions sound like a traumatic reaction to being criticised and rejected, which is what it sounds like you copped as a child. Anger is part of the threat response - if we can't escape, we fight, if we can't fight, we freeze. That is how my T explained it to me anyway, hopefully I've gotten it right.

 

[LongStoryShort]

I'll read them tank you :-) I hope my downward spiral soon ends. :-( It was all going so well. :-( And there now I even feel guilty for wishing that out loud cause it's all about me again. Uh, I need to stop spiraling down, like now.

 

[LongStoryShort]

That really does sound like me macca, thank you for that explanation. . I Freeze every time when I'm put on the spot, it doesn't take much. And then I have these stupid reactions..
Thanks for being a friend.

 

[macca]

I even feel guilty for wishing that out loud cause it's all about me again

That makes me wonder if your feelings were ignored, and when you did try to rightfully express them, perhaps you were shot down. Something similar used to happen to me, in that if I expressed any kind of negative feeling at all, I was treated like a drama queen - but I'm starting to realise that I wasn't, it was their unbalanced reactions.

Have a look at this recent thread if you have a chance - there's an article posted there that really explains some of this stuff:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/i-think-ive-got-a-name-for-it-now-childhood-emotional-neglect.38265/

 

[eav]

One thing about being around narcissists is that they make you feel like you are the one with the problem. I seem to attract that type of person. My therapist says it is because those of us that have been abused have this "sweetness" that the narcissists are attracted to. They find a crack in our boundaries and wedge themselves in. I've taken an online test to see if I'm a narcissist, and my scores are so low that they are below what a "normal" person would score. I can't post a link here, but the one I took is on the psychcentral page, under the quizzes tab, under personality tests.

 

[LongStoryShort]

Thanks, I edited this part away because it's nothing I want to think about or discuss further, the further away the past is the better. If it isn't on my mind it can not hurt me.It is in a contained box ;-)

 

[eav]

My therapist said that I need to practice telling those people "no" and avoiding them. It is a little easier because they aren't family members that I have to see everyday. But I still find it hard because I want everyone to like me. :( And I still struggle to recognize and remember that they are the ones with the problem, not me. People who are narcissistic are "crazymakers"--being around them makes us feel like it is our problem.

 

[LongStoryShort]

eav I just want to give you a hug. A digital((hug from a stranger))

I don't know what to say. I know how you feel.

Though I don't know how I can be sure it isn't me. For my part I think to get out of this rotten feeling, I have to have some fun with my family and forget it.

My mother lives far away, when she visits which she rarely does and I rarely let her I feel sick for days before her arrival.

For some people that is hard to fathom.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Though I don't know how I can be sure it isn't me

Your ability alone to reflect on this (and other statements in your posts) proves to me that you are not a narcissist! To a narcissist, it is NEVER them - and they are sure of this. :-)

 

[Deleted member 1860]

99.9% of narcissists won't/ can't see that they are narcissistic. I have a narcissist mother AND grandfather, so of course I worry about inheriting it. Yes, I have my self-centered moments, but I genuinely care about other people and am not ego-centric. My dad can see it in my mother and tells me I am nothing like her. It helps to get feedback from someone in your life.