Relationship Would It Be A Bad Idea?

[alise06]

We've been broken up about 3 weeks now...would it be a bad idea for me to text him that I love and miss him? I haven't seen him since thanksgiving day when he picked up our daughter. I'm really coming to the end of my rope. I miss my best friend more than I can say:(

 

[amethist]

It's hard when they do this and leave the door open with no real closure.

You could try the text, but how will you feel if you get a bad reply or no reply at all.

I hope you can find a solution, and wish you well which ever way it turns out. Remember sometimes you have to put yourself first, on top of the PTSD. It's not easy, but sometimes it is the only way forward.

 

[Snowangel1225]

It's been 7 weeks for me and I can tell you, getting no response is pretty hurtful. I would almost rather get a negative response than nothing. Nothing makes you feel like you aren't even worth the time.

 

[alise06]

Thank you both for the responses I definitely understand what you mean about feeling like you're not worth the time. If I get a negative response, am I supposed to take that as it will never be ok again? If I get no response am I suppose to take it as it will never be ok again?? I feel really pathetic sending it after how mean he was to me, but I guess in the bottom of my heart I feel sending it will let him know that I'm still here if he's calming down at all

And would it be normal to get no response or a negative response at this point?? So confused

 

[amethist]

Its possible you would get either, but would you be able to get passed either response and move on.

 

[Snowangel1225]

If you really feel you need to contact him, I suggest sending something that does not require an answer and then don't expect one. Maybe something along the lines of 'Thinking of you. Hope you are ok.". That way you leave the door open for him to contact when and if he wants to. But honestly, you need to stop putting your life on hold and waiting for him. Even if he does come back, he's not in a place to be in a relationship right now anyway. Set a good example for your child and take care of yourself and her. Show her that you respect yourself and deserve to be treated better.

And would it be normal to get no response or a negative response at this point??

There is no 'normal' when dealing with PTSD. Each person is unique. At 7 weeks, I get no response. I don't expect one and I don't try and contact him often but I have told him I still care so when/if he's ready to talk, I'm here. But I am also not putting my life on hold for him. I know that even if he does come back, he needs to do a lot of work before he is ready to commit to any sort of relationship. I owe it to myself and my children to continue to live my life.

 

[alise06]

My life continues on the same path I planned for myself before we ever met. But he and I being fine, everything being completely normal, then all of a sudden him going off the deep end and ripping the life we had together from under my feet is what makes this so hard for me.

 

[scout86]

This is kind of a general comment.

Breaking up with someone is hard. In a way, maybe it's supposed to be hard. It can be done well, or badly, or somewhere in between. But, put yourself on the other side for a second and ask yourself what you'd want. If you felt, for what ever reason, that you needed to end a relationship. Then did it, even if you didn't do it very well, how would you want the other person to handle it from there?

I'm not saying the relationship didn't have potential, or wasn't worth working on, or anything like that. What I'm saying, I guess, is that sometimes you just have to take "no" for an answer. It's true the other party may change their mind. In that case, they need to suck it up, track you down, apologize and admit they were wrong, ask if you're still "available" and willing to try, and take it from there. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to send a message saying "I miss my best friend" or something like that, but like others have said, I wouldn't send anything that requires a response and I wouldn't expect one either.

Sorry things are the way they are!

 

[BewitchedBewildered]

If he actually said the words to break up with you, then I think you need to leave it alone. Just my opinion. You can text him, but no answer or a negative one would be pretty common with PTSD. Retreat or attack, fight or flight. Just my experience as someone who spent 2.5 years with a sufferer who just went AWOL with no goodbye, no get lost. He just went away. I do text every few weeks, but no longer have any hope for a reply. It's now been 6 months and I still miss my best friend too.

Isolating, cutting people out of their lives, seems kinda common on the forum with sufferers. Maybe I'm wrong in your situation, I'm a little jaded, I admit.

I hope your situation gets better. But, in the meantime, take care of yourself and your daughter. Maybe try therapy, it's a good idea for supporters as well. Maybe he will come around, but don't keep your life on hold. That's so easy to do.

Take care.

 

[Gingerly]

If he actually said the words to break up with you, then I think you need to leave it alone. Just my opinion. You can text him, but no answer or a negative one would be pretty common with PTSD. Retreat or attack, fight or flight. Just my experience as someone who spent 2.5 years with a sufferer who just went AWOL with no goodbye, no get lost. He just went away. I do text every few weeks, but no longer have any hope for a reply. It's now been 6 months and I still miss my best friend too.

My PTSD sufferer is totally unpredictable. I think this might be a common trait. Men I dated in the past who did not have PTSD were predictable so they were easier to read. There simply is no explanation for PTSD sufferers' actions. It's so hard to let go, but I think we all must admit to ourselves that we need to say good bye, myself included :-(