"wow...my Therapist Has Gotten A Lot Smarter!"

[BloomInWinter]

My experience with my poor T. has certainly helped me see that my perceptions really change over time as the way I speak to myself changes.

After all...he's not the one with the unstable personality. I am!

Here's the progression of my feelings/thoughts about the guy since I began seeing him over 2 years ago...with much gratitude and no small amount of regret at having thought these things about him:

"He just doesn't get it."

"I hate this."

"These sessions are my punishment for being so weak and stupid all these years."

"I don't want to go back."

"He's trying to trap me."

"He's trying to lock me up."

"He's looking for evidence."

"He isn't qualified to help me."

"He's judging me."

"He hates me already."

"He's mad at me."

"He doesn't care."

"He's trying to rush me through."

"He dislikes women."

"He's a jerk."

"He's deskilled."

"He already wrote me off the first day."

"He doesn't listen."

"He doesn't understand."

"He's never prepared."

"He regrets getting me for a patient."

"He's hoping I quit."

"He thinks I'm a liar...crazy...disgusting...gross...stupid."

"He sits between me and the door just to make me feel trapped."

"He has no idea how to help someone as messed up as me."

"He thinks I deserved it."

"He thinks I'm a whiner."

"He actually listened."

"He remembered that from months ago."

"He's not so bad."

"He might be smarter than I gave him credit for."

"He might have been right."

"Maybe he might be able to help me...at least with this. But no way with THAT..."

"He seemed to actually be a little bit supportive."

"He made me mad but...he was right. Damn Him!" :P

"He seemed ready for me."

"He seems kinda nice sometimes."

"He seemed upset with my progress."

"He seemed safe to share that with."

"He might be trustworthy."

"He does care."

"He doesn't think I'm disgusting."

"He is different than all the rest, and that is good."

"He didn't kick me out and curse at me...that is surprising."

"He helped me feel better."

"I feel like I might try to listen to his suggestions more often. He's right. Sometimes.
Maybe."

"He doesn't think I'm broken."

"He is actually trying to help me."

"He's a nice guy."

"He gets it."

"When he pointed that out, it really helped me put down that load I've been carrying all my life."

"He is on my side."

"He does have a plan."

"I can trust him."

"I can't wait to tell him that..."

"I am glad he gave me that idea. It WORKED!!!"

"His voice in my head feels much kinder than the self-hating talk I would have normally done..."

"I'm so greatful I was assigned to him."

"I can't wait to see what else he has noticed that can help me feel better about..."

"He has really changed my life for the better."

"He has saved my life."

"He helped me make a life worth living."

"I'm glad I have a life to look forward to."

*gratitude*

 

[maddog]

Bloomin, this made me smile, made me sad, made me feel a lot of kinship with your story! I'm so so glad that your relationship has evolved in this way. Trust is such a precious and rare gift, it's hard to find, harder to recognize, harder still to hang onto once it's yours. Congratulations, you have climbed a massive mountain and can stand proudly on its top.

MD

 

[Tinyflame]

And even harder to be deserved.

Way to go to you both Bloom, you and your T. :tup::tup:

(And might I say, Happy Times ahead as this stuff gets kicked to the curb. :) )
xoxoxo

 

[VDWngr1355]

Wow, those are pretty much the same thoughts I have with mine- expect I am just coming to the "he is on my side stage"!

Love seeing the progression and gives me hope that therapy does get better with time.

 

[Nighthawk]

Bloom

I had all if those with my last T. I am stuck in the this is BS phase with my new T and I really don't think he can help me. I think he thinks this is joke. I am so amazed at the progress you are making. Stand strong and go forward.

(((((Bloom)))))

 

[Hashi]

Wow, your T has really improved since you started seeing him! ;)

I'm so glad for you. A huge amount of credit to both you and your T.

 

[Red Feather]

I have the impression T's improve with time, like wine I guess. It took me some time to get used to my old T, and for her to get used to me too. I had the impression she softened up. By the end I loved her so much and missed her terribly when I ended up moving. Now after more than 6 months of crisis, I finally have a new T. I'm so glad. It is such a relief. I think I like my new T. :) I like it when T's have good boundaries. Makes me feel safe and I don't have to worry that I will do something that I don't want to do. I hope that makes sense. :confused:

 

[Ice_Fire]

Bloom, this is pretty much how I've progressed with my T, over a similar period of time. My initial mistrusts and negative, rather mean thoughts make me cringe now. :tup: to you and your T!

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Bloom, great headway on your part too, because they say we have no way to consciously flip the 'trust' switch back on, though it has a 1000 ways to switch to off, like EFB's.
It takes a strong sufferer and a strong T to get past that. :tup:
(But) and through it all you haven't given up.

(((((Hugs, Sweet and kind Bloom)))), I thought of all you've given/ give to others today. How much you've cared when others wouldn't. All that you've done, and do.
Love and Thanks to you. :inlove:

 

[shell]

Bloom, it made me laugh, you could have been me, I totally relate. It's just a shame I'm still in the first stage, although occasionally I do think some of the nicer thoughts. Need to learn a bit of trust, and stop thinking he is out to get me.

 

[Chincho]

I love your post Bloom, it made me laugh. It also made me realize that, although I'm at the end of your list, sometimes I seem to go back and forth.

 

[Helliepig]

An amazing post. One of those "poems" that says so much without spelling it out. I wonder if you would send him a copy of it... it would probably make his day.