Writing Emotion Upon a Forum

[Shellbell]

I don't really understand how when we are all different and think differently, we are supposed to know the 'limit' of sympathy, empathy, compassion, or whatever we are meant to allow to give to others, or expect from others of this forum.

One persons limit of what they feel is adequate or becoming not appropriate, is not the same as someone else's and who's to say who is right and who's wrong?

We are all very individual and we can respond to posts according to how people have interpreted our own posts - which people will read and interpret differently as well. If it's our own thread then we can direct it the way need to.

I agree asking if in doubt about something said, that's obviously what's meant to be done when confused or unsure of someone's comments.

 

[Abstract]

Sometimes people look for sympathy over and over because they aren't being heard. I try to hear people so they can end the cycle.

Oh Monstor, thank you. You expressed something I didn't know I wanted to express but that I have seen often and experienced myself. I totally agree with this. And I think the "get over it" response that often comes up can be very unhelpful and keep the person stuck. Or not help them move forward. I think that is part of what I was wanting to say about how sympathy or empathy can help move people forward rather than the opposite (the later which I believe might have been one of the things that this thread was alluding to).

 

[Abstract]

Ibut that sympathy, compassion and empathy can also be intensely healing and repairing and encourage forward movement and determination to face our demons.

I think what I was also trying to say is that I have seen with others and experienced myself where not getting compassion stops someone from being able to go further into facing their trauma or stops them expressing what happened to them. And that can be for many reasons that are personal to them.

I think there is the thought that "too much" sympathy can cause the person to have a so called pity party and that they will therefore feel so sorry for themselves that they will become stuck in sorrow and not be able to move forward. That may well be the case sometimes but the opposite can also be the case as we are all unique and our pasts unique.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I agree, my T has been giving me compassion for a year and I am moving forward quickly now. I still have trouble saying what I want to sometimes, so I'm glad of the responses here. Its so funny, people talk to me in the store, and this one poor gal told me her story for about 45 minutes. I talked with her and heard her while we shopped, and I hope she felt better for it.

I think we are trying to describe learned helplessness. That can be a problem. It is hard to convince someone that they can do something or get better when someone else has been doing or taking care of them for a long time.

 

[JustBe]

Sometimes people look for sympathy over and over because they aren't being heard. I try to hear people so they can end the cycle. I know I cycle through a lot of the same stuff, but it gets longer between cycles, they don't last as long, and I recognize them sooner. I get a lot of good advice here that I use, but I also get sympathy for my situation, and sometimes it makes me feel heard.

I agree. Validation is like a warm hug.

 

[JustBe]

people talk to me in the store, and this one poor gal told me her story for about 45 minutes.

The same thing happens to me all the time! People see Kira and stop to tell me their 'life story'! It's hard to get in and out of the market as quickly as I would like!

 

[Hashi]

I find it more helpful to separate enabling from sympathy, empathy, compassion and validation. Like monster, my therapist shows me compassion, without putting a limit on that. She still challenges me and asks me to re-evaluate my thoughts and beliefs.

Thinking from the point of view of the person inviting sympathy - I think its helpful to separate being stuck or wanting other people to do the work for you, from expressing emotion and asking for support as much as you need to.

I don't think the issue is how much sympathy etc to show, or how much is being asked for. Who could possibly define and measure this, anyway? I think the issue is whether it's for healthy reasons - to stabilise or move forward - or whether someone is stuck, unwilling to move and trying to use others' support to prop themselves up in that, which can be draining and toxic for all concerned.