Yelled At By Psych Doc! Called Me An Addict!!!

[Marymickaela]

I saw my psych doc today and he actually yelled at me and calling me an addict.

History: The last time I saw my psych doc was Oct 13th and he took me off Celexa cold turkey and lowered my Seroquel from 300 to 200mg. I ended going into withdrawal and spent 2 weeks feeling like hell. He called in a lower dose, which I’m now cutting again to get off it so as not to go into withdrawal. Went back up on the Seroquel as my Internist told me I shouldn't be lowering 3 drugs at the same time. I then started feeling better and actually slept from Oct. 24th until the end of October without taking a sleeping pill. Until the time change last Sunday. This week I have not slept, in spite of taking sleeping pills. They don’t work anymore.

I also saw an ENT Wed. and was dx'd with a form of acid reflux called LPR. He put a scope down my throat which I was able to see on a monitor. My vocal cords are enflamed and swollen, which is why I'm hoarse all the time for years. He put me Prilosec which is upsetting my stomach, plus I'm upset about another med to take, plus lots of diet changes. Had to raise the head of my bed 6 inches.

However, I’m also doing all these alternative things to help me get healthy. I see a trauma specialist once a week who’s fantastic, but we do EMDR and some sessions are grueling and take me days to recover. Therapeutic massage every 2 weeks, I purchased some fantastic EMDR meditation albums I listen to everyday, Epson salt baths to help with sleep, Melatonin, and some other great healthy things. My therapist told me yesterday how proud she was of me as I was only one of her only clients that is doing so many things on their own to help get better. Most come in for therapy, leave, go back to work and on with their everyday lives. It was a great session and I felt so good about myself.

Today I saw my psych doc and filled him in on everything since I last saw him, how sick I’d been, then doing better, but haven’t slept this week. It was like he was already prepared for what he was going to say and started to yell at me saying I was an addict and the 1st thing I do is reach for a pill when I can’t sleep. He said this is not going to happen anymore. NO MORE SLEEPING PILLS!! I’ve proven I can sleep without them so I need to just not sleep until my body adjusts, even if it’s for 2 weeks. He lectured and lectured and lectured (felt like yelling). He’s never yelled at me.

I’m to lower my Seroquel down to 200mg and keep my Klonopin at 3.50mg and see him in 2 ½ weeks. I know I’m addicted to the Klonopin and am having a terrible time lowering it, let alone getting off of it.

I started my day in such a good mood, despite not sleeping, so proud of myself for all the alternative therapies I’m using. Now I’m crushed. As we were walking out I told him to stop yelling at me and started crying. Part of me knows he’s right. The sleeping pills don’t work so I need to stop them, but I'm not addicted to them, just using them as a hopeful quick fix.. I know I’m addicted to the Klonopin and he already told me that was going to be hell to get off of. I have an addicted personality, but for him to sit there yelling at me and repeatedly calling me an addict really hurt. I’m not addicted to sleeping pills. No credit for all the healthy things I’m trying. Well according to him I’m Bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, lots of anxiety. If I'm bipolar how is not sleeping going to affect me? Send me into mania?

I left totally dejected, down and numb, feeling nothing and dissociating. I have PTSD from childhood abuse from my father. Yelling destroys me. How did I deal with it? I self-medicated with food. Lots of sugar crap. When I finally got home, like an addict I reached for pills. I took my night time Tramadol (early) for my raging headache, and a 2mg Klonopin so I don’t have to feel anything. When I go to bed I’ll still take my 3.50 mg Klonopin which means I’ll have taken 5.50mgs today. I know I’ll feel better tomorrow and have a better additude, even if I don’t sleep. I have nothing planned for tomorrow so can rest. It was all I could do not to call and leave him a message about how hurt I was for the way he treated me today, but talked myself out of it.

 

[Ellabella44]

Can you get a second opinion? Makes me wonder does he even understand trauma. Being yelled at won't help anything and he should know better.

 

[Friday]

This week I have not slept, in spite of taking sleeping pills. They don’t work anymore.

This does mean you're addicted to them.

Just like the withdrawal from your other meds means you were addicted to them, as well. That's pretty normal / expected & is exactly why meds need to be stepped down... Because we're addicted to them, and suddenly ceasing can be lethal.

The good news is that some people become so badly addicted to sleeping pills they can no longer sleep without them... Period. At the very least do not sleep well for months & even years. It's actually good news that you were able to sleep for a week without them. :)! And it's the very smart play to do no more sleeping meds of any kind, now that those have quit working, and especially since you're taking several other very addictive drugs. (The more addictive drugs are taken, the higher the risk of addicting to one or all of them.) in general, the more we take, the longer we take them, the less they work. So while we need to adjust cocktails to the right levels? And in the beginning, before therapy & tools, things may need to be at a fairly high level? We generally want those cocktails to be at the lowest level possible, and to take them for the shortest period of time. Working our way down to taking nothing at all. They're band aids, not fixes.

He lectured and lectured and lectured (felt like yelling). He’s never yelled at me.

I'm unclear about this part, here... In context with the rest of your post... Did he actually yell at you, or did it just feel like yelling?

 

[Marymickaela]

I'm unclear about this part, here... In context with the rest of your post... Did he actually yell at you, or did it just feel like yelling?

To me it felt like yelling and told him so. He didn't deny it. He also knows I want to lower my meds and get off the Seroquel, so this all took me by surprise as he's been prescribing me sleeping pills for years. I've become resistant to all of them. My last visit we discussed my plan to discontinue getting off so many drugs. 1st the Celexa, lower the Seroquel, and continue to taper the Klonopin. We were on the same page and he told me this was the 1st time he's heard me really talk so positive. I don't know if he's upset at what happened with the Celexa and I was told by my Nurse Practitioner I should only be lowering 1 drug at a time, but couldn't call him as he's not available Sat-Mon and so I saw her as I was so sick when I discontinued the Celexa.

Last night I took an Epson salt bath with lavender at bedtime, lit a candle with the Virgin Mary standing next to it, played some wonderful healing EMDR meditations and just soaked and prayed for healing. Was in bed at 10pm and, feel asleep, but am now up around midnight with my RLS acting up. Yes, I took a Requip, but don't think that's addictive and is caused by the Seroquel. Sitting here writing this with my electric wrap around my shoulders and neck.

I agree with everything he was saying. It was the yelling that got me and the discounting all the positives I had just been praised for the day before. He also know with my PTSD how this must affect me, but maybe I need tough love as that's what it's going to take to get me off the Klonopin. Anyone ever trying to get off a benzo will understand.

 

[Justmehere]

Yeah, yelling was very unprofessional and not appropriate. It doesn't seem like he is managing his emotions or coordinating your care with your internet very well. They should be talking together and working as a team to get you off these meds.

a 2mg Klonopin so I don’t have to feel anything.

You are addicted. You know it. You are not just physically hooked, but you used Klonopin to not feel anything. Anything. People in true recovery from addictions may still we working their way off medications, but they do not seek out using medications to not feel anything. They know that the path to recovery from addiction is to ride out the feelings.

Addiction is more than just pills. It's well patterned behaviors and thinking.

You are doing a lot of positive things.

I'm not saying his act of yelling at you was ok. Please hear me on that. It absolutely was not. If he was truly yelling, it was not only a trigger, but a violation of your privacy as other could have overheard, and he would be in violation of federal law.

If he was angrily adamant with you, calling you out with a lot of passion, which could have felt like yelling and seems perhaps more likely, that seems actually reasonable.

I know it hurts to not have him validate the positive work you are doing, but I can understand why he didn't.

If I had a client who was doing something dangerous and destructive to themselves, like driving 100mph down the freeway blindfolded, and they were asking to use my car to engage in that dangerous act, and I said no, this is dangerous and risking serious harm to you, and it is also risking my own license and freedom to facilitate you doing this... and my client responded by telling me but they are doing so many positive things, like massages and warm baths, and trauma therapy once a week, and they just need to drive on the freeway blindfolded, and they promise to do it at only 80mph...

Well, I would be frustrated too. I would feel like my client was missing the point that addition means their life is in danger, and that I can not been seen, as the prescribing doctor, as facilitating it in any way.

You are asking a doctor to prescribe medications at pretty high levels, after acknowledging you both know you are addicted and using the medications to "not feel anything." You are asking him to take actions that could risk putting his license in danger. There is increasing DEA legal action occurring against doctors who are over prescribing medications to people with known addictions. Doctors are going to jail at increasing rates - and many docs are quite spooked right now.

Yes you are doing a lot, but it's clearly not enough if you are still actively seeking to use medications to escape feeling any emotions at all, and your focus is not on how to feel the emotions, not escape them.

You are focused on Prilosec, a very safe drug, being something you don't want to take, while damaging your brain and body and making it harder for you to quit by taking more Klonopin than you agreed to take to escape and feel nothing.You have some pretty strong patterns of denial about the seriousness of the situation.

Maybe some of the medication amounts are changing, but your addictive behaviors are not changing. Even if you stopped all medications today, you do not mention anything you are doing to change the behaviors fueling the addiction.

If the doc was truly yelled at you, he not only violated professional ethics, but also your privacy. It would be very wise to tell him not to yell again, and even report him for the privacy violation, if he really yelled.

But please, for the sake of your life, do not let this be a distraction from taking serious action to address all the parts of being addicted.

Getting off klonopin is going to be tough, and you are not showing any of the understanding or motivation that will be needed to get off the klonopin and change the addictive behaviors you are using to escape pain.

 

[VioletButterfly]

Oh my gosh! Run! Get another doctor! I've been through a similar situation with a therapist. Do not internalize anything that idiot did or said. Totally unprofessional and dangerous, given your diagnosis! Get the right help you need now. Can your T or your MD recommend someone else? P.S. Even a general practitioner knows not to cold turkey an SSRI. For Pete's sake! I hope you find a better doctor to help manage your psych medications. Thinking of you and wishing the best. VB

 

[Marymickaela]

Getting off klonopin is going to be tough, and you are not showing any of the understanding or motivation that will be needed to get off the klonopin and change the addictive behaviors you are using to escape pain.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I needed to hear this. However, I’m not sure why you say I am in denial and clueless. I am trying and do understand. Before my Oct. 13th appt. I was reaching for the Klonopin all the time and abusing it to not feel my emotions when they felt unbearable. EMDR therapy sessions have been brutal. I'm dealing with feeling the emotions of serious physical and emotional abuse. I won’t go in to all the other stressors going on in my life as it will just sound like I’m making excuses. The EMDR just by itself is horrible and I have vomited after sessions. Like I said I’ve found some wonderful EMDR therapy albums I listen to everyday to help me recover from these sessions and it usually takes me a couple days, but I haven’t turned to Klonopin.

After my Oct. 13th psych appt. I decided to put my pills into a weekly pill case and put all the others out of my reach so I was only taking what was prescribed. I made a decision I was dedicating myself to truly getting off of the Klonopin. Since that appt. I had lowered my Klonopin from 4mg down to 3.5mg, never once reaching for where I stored it and my other drugs. This was a onetime impulsive act and I feel extremely guilty. It won't happen again. I will stay on what my doctor has told me to take until my next appt.

After writing my post at midnight I went back to bed and slept restlessly until morning. I got up, dressed and used some essential oils and did some prayers for healing. I am not a religious person and haven't prayed for a long time, except to use my Reiki Energy healing the last few weeks to pray to a higher power to help me get better. These prayers are different and may sound wacky, but I was told you have to have faith this will work. Thursday a friend send me a quart of "Holy Water" from a well in southern Indiana known for its curative powers. I was raised a Catholic, but haven't practiced my faith in many years. However, and this is my 2nd morning as I just received the water. I'm spending a half hour every morning praying and reading the books my friend sent about this farm where the well is located and messages from that were received to this woman “Ruth Ann” from the Virgin Mary. She ended up buying the farm and it is now a religious retreat. It's a long story and my friend sent me 3 books telling the story and the messages “Ruth Ann” received from the Virgin Mary. I used to spend my mornings playing games on Facebook.

I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply. I need all the help I can get to get off this addictive drug. As my doctor said it is really doing more harm at this point then helping you. I do have self-destructive behaviors. Here I am wanting off the Seroquel because of the weight gain and yesterday turned to comfort food to ease my pain. I am open to suggestions and welcome them.

Have to add that although it felt like my doctor was yelling at me I don’t think it was loud enough for others to hear. His lecture just caught me off guard, esp. after all the positives he gave me at our last appt.

You are focused on Prilosec, a very safe drug, being something you don't want to take,

FYI: It's not that I don't want to take the Prilosec, but had just started the Prilosec two days before after seeing ENT 2 days earlier and finding out my vocal cords were inflamed and swollen. I’ve been very sick the last 2 months and hopefully found out what was causing this so I was trying to wrap my head around a brand new diagnosis and a brand new drug I was adding to my drug regiment which was causing side effects like waking up in the middle of the night in severe stomach pain. It's not a perfectly safe drug and can cause serious side effects for a person with my health problems. Of course I was focusing on it and thought my psych doc would want to know.

Again, thank you for taking the time to reply and am truly open to any suggestions or advice.
Mary

 

[Ocean5]

acid reflux called LPR. He put a scope down my throat which I was able to see on a monitor. My vocal cords are enflamed and swollen

Obviously you're p-doc doesn't know how painful acid reflux can get, and cause lack of sleep. So hard to sleep at night with the gasping for air, burping, vomiting, etc. But I definitely relate to lack of sleep...maybe call your other doctor for that, and ask for something to help you sleep that's not a sleeping pill like - Trazadone.

Of course double check everything with pharmacist for interaction

I find coconut oil 3 times a day helps with acid reflux....or at least lessons symptoms.

Also, I read acid reflux can be side-effect of Klonopin. Which I am also on, and never had this problem before Klonopin.

 

[shimmerz]

started to yell at me saying I was an addict

And sorry, who prescribed all of these pills?

I love it when they call US an addict after THEY have prescribed the shit for years to us. I love it even better when they yell at us for NOT taking the pills they prescribe because we are afraid of BEING addicted to them.

Yep, all our fault.... nobody else's. lol. Whatever....

 

[Marymickaela]

Oh my gosh! Run! Get another doctor! I've been through a similar situation with a therapist....

I've been with this doctor for 5 years and have loved him. This is so unlike him. He told me yesterday he didn't think I'd have problems withdrawing from the Celexa because I was on such a small dose. I'm going to see him again in 2 1/2 weeks so will see how that goes. I've had 3 other psych docs and they pretty much sucked. The 2nd one had me on super high doses of Xanax and Klonopin.

She was also treating my teen daughter. We were dealing with her bipolar disorder, suicide attempts, in and out of the hospital and I think she felt sorry for me so prescribed high doses of benzos. Of course I became addicted. I ended up having a nervous breakdown in 2003 and my life has never been the same since.

The 1st time I met this doctor my 3rd psych doctor had put me on Lithium and I was having Lithium poisoning. He took one look at me and said “this is unacceptable, took me off the Lithium and has worked with me as a partner to get me on the right meds. Several months ago he even fought with my insurance company to get them to cover a sleeping pill called Rozerem.

I have a sleep disorder and have had 4 sleep studies. The latest one this past August. It was all I could do not to call him and tell him how upsetting my visit was. I still may write him. He told me a couple months ago that the key to my getting better is thru EMDR.

 

[Marymickaela]

And sorry, who prescribed all of these pills?

I love it when they call US an addict after THEY have...

Thank you, this is so true.

 

[Marymickaela]

Obviously you're p-doc doesn't know how painful acid reflux can get, and cause lack of sleep. So hard to...

I think it is always upsetting to get a new diagnosis. It takes time to wrap my brain around it. I not only have to take this new med, but make lots of lifestyle changes. I had to raise the head of my bed up 6 inches. Like I said I've been really sick since September and finally got some answers. I would have liked to have discussed that with my psych doc, in addition to all the other healthy changes I'm making in my life. That didn't happen. Just that I'm an addict. I'm not addicted to sleeping pills, but have developed a tolerance to benzos so they no longer work. He was trying to make a point that when I have problems my 1st reaction is to reach for a pill, thus I'm an addict. Well he didn't hear the part of me trying all these other healthy things, just that I took a sleeping pill. A pill he prescribed.