Yesterday we said goodbye - NHS therapy ending.

[Emotional girl]

Yesterday I said goodbye to my therapist and today it is hurting me so much.
We have been seeing each other for a year and a half but because he is a NHS therapist he isn't allowed to see me any longer.

Yesterday I had to be the strongest I have been in a long time because I didn't want our relationship to end in a bad way and I didn't want him to worry about me.

We had a beautiful session in which we exchanged poetry ,kind words and there was some kind of therapeutic love in the room and I do think that both of us will miss each other.
If I am honest the actual session couldn't have gone any better and I managed to keep my emotions in check.

However today I have completely crashed and I am missing him so much .I have spent most of the day in bed mainly to keep myself safe.

I am already seeing the crisis team because of suicidal thoughts and for self harm and it is good to have their support but they are not him.

I just wish I could say goodbye to a therapist without feeling like this.

 

[Lucycat]

That is so tough and not how the NHS should be. I was allowed to say 'goodbye' to my NHS therapist over a number of months. Even now over a year later I occasionally bump into him in social circles.

Don't feel bad for finding this so hard. I still sent mine a Christmas card for a couple of years after I stopped therapy, although I have stopped now. The therapeutic relationship is so hard to form, to start, that it should not be a surprise that it is hard to sever - except to the budget holders of the NHS. When will they ever understand that money spent now is better than money spent in 5 years time salvaging people from disaster.

 

[Chris-duck]

Yeah this really sucks. The nhs is such a postcode lottery. Im glad you had a good last session. Is there any support you have outside of crisis teams? Do you think you're needing crisis teams short term cos you're stressed bout therapy ending or do you need something more long term in place again?

 

[Emotional girl]

Thank you @Lucycat .We cut down our sessions down slowly but because of my attachment and abandonment issues I have still found it really hard.
I find the whole concept of therapy difficult to get my head around as you go into it because you tend to have difficulties with relationships and then you form this close relationship and then it ends and most of the time you never see that person again.
For me it has been like splitting up with a partner and grieving a person who still alive.
@Chris-duck I have been seeing the crisis team for the last month due to a mixture of therapy ending and also due to the fact that I started to remember CSA a few months ago and I have found it hard to deal with.
They will be staying with me now until I get a CPN.

 

[Chris-duck]

Hope you get a cpn soon. Sorry about the gap in treatment. It's shit that there's a time limit in nhs therapy, I don't have much to add except I get it. And I hope you get more regular support organised soon.

 

[Emotional girl]

Thank you for your support @Chris-duck