Yikes.

[Privateer]

Okay, this is weird. All of a sudden I feel very, very lonely and sad...well, beyond 'sad', actually.

I'm quite frightened now, as I don't know how to deal with stuff like this. It's all very new to me and so very different from how I normally am. Maybe I should say 'how I was'? Maybe I'll never be that guy again? Oh, god.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is something along the lines 'Argh! Help!'.

Sorry.

 

[JustBe]

I hear you Privateer. Deep breaths...

 

[Privateer]

Aw, hell. I just...I'm not used to this. It's really rather scary. I'm trying to think how to describe it, but I probably don't need to on here, do I?

I'm sorry about this.

 

[Red Feather]

I got PTSD six years after my trauma and still can't believe how much I have changed. I used to be so confident. I don't understand myself. It is normal to feel scared and lonely. Do you have anyone to talk to. PTSD can make us isolate and scared to meet others, but being alone does not always help. Do you have a therapist?

I am still waiting to recover, but it may take some time. It may take a long time but it is possible. Keep hoping, okay? :hug:

 

[Privateer]

I'm at work just now, so got to be subtle and sneaky-beaky about this.

I'm still fairly outgoing normally, but I suddenly get bouts of...well, really intense fear and sadness for no obvious reason.

I was in the pub yesterday and a friend mentioned, just in passing, my time in the Army and some other guy who was there piped up with 'Oh, wow, how many people have you killed?'

I know he was joking and all that- at least, I think he was- but I still freak out a bit at things like that.

I just want to get my self control back and feel like I'm in charge of myself again...and you guys all know exactly what it feels like and have been through far worse than me and I'm breeding drama-llamas again over here and I'm really, really sorry. I'll shut up.

 

[JustBe]

No apologies needed. We all deal with the runaway train that is PTSD. Reaching out here is healthy and will be helpful.Others with more experience than I will be along soon. Hang on OK?

Can you distract yourself by reading different posts on the forum? That's what I do when I wake up in a panic.

 

[Privateer]

I've got three different fora on different subjects open simultaneously. I just need to talk to somebody.

It's not fair on them, though. Other people don't need to hear my garbage. I keep letting it out, though. Agh.

 

[Red Feather]

Trauma is always relative Privateer. It's okay to be worried about this. And everybody has there own burdens and issues that got us here. No point in comparing okay? I think what that guy said was really really insensitive. Geez. What a nasty thing to say?

 

[JustBe]

That's the PTSD talking. It loads us up with guilt. If we didn't want to, we wouldn't reply so put that out of your head.

 

[Mcll]

My father never really talked about Vietnam to me when I was younger but he's been more open about it now, especially with my husband who was also in the service.

 

[Privateer]

Oh, god. I'm sorry. If I weren't at work I'd be rocking to-and-fro in a little ball on the floor by now.

My friends all think I'm fearless. I'm the guy who all-but-crashed an aeroplane onto the runway in horrific weather and got out with a huge grin on his face and a pithy remark on his lips. I want to be that guy again, you know?

Thanks for your replies. It means a lot. Thank you.

 

[JustBe]

Panic attacks are the worst Privateer but they don't last forever. We're all in this together.