"you Are Emotionally Fragile..."

[Deleted member 30956]

...Said my best friend the other day. (What I heard was "You are very weak.") She said it with the tone of a person who feels a bit burdened and concerned. She has to choose what she says carefully and tiptoe around me so as not to upset me. She admires very strong and pulled together people, so I'm not sure how to transform this into a strength in her eyes...

A soulmate once told me that "I'm easily bruised".

I think that this makes it hard for anyone to talk to me. I'm not easy to talk to. :-(
I'm very sensitive to begin with, and I think that a lifetime of harsh words from harsh people, especially four years of constant verbal and emotional abuse (this was a marital relationship), has taken its toll. My emotional system has its own PTSD? The problem is I don't know how to bounce back from this.

Can anyone identify? Is this a PTSD thing?

 

[AngelPaws14]

You bet it's a PTSD thing! It kinda messes up your emotional responses and feelings. I sometimes overreact to little things and under react or have no reaction at all to others things big and small! I have a hard time feeling love and giving it. Which is very hard on me as I lived to love and be loved. I was a big people person and loved that all my friends always came to me for advice or a pep talk to help them. I was so afraid of relationships because my ex became very emotionally hurtful and abusive to me after he found out about my tumor and I was no longer able to do all the things I used to do for him before the tumor and surgery. I feel abandoned and lonely but I am too afraid to even hug my own family most days. I am also afraid that all med will be like my exes and so it's keeping me from even trying to meet others and fall inlove or even like someone as more then a friend, even though I want to feel that love again! I think PTSD is not something that makes you weaker but it's a constant battle and we survive it because we are stronger. I have a heard time when others say I am strong and look good because I don't feel that. I try to apoligize to friends and family when I know it's going to be a rough day. It's hard to do that even, because I feel a lot of anger and guilt for how sensitive I have become. I used to be the one my family relyed on to keep us stronger and confident. When i lost all my confidence/abilities things were still falling on me to handle but I couldn't.

I hope that made some sense to you as I have trouble with understanding and staying focused so explaining and expressing things can be a lot of work most of the time.

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

You are anything but weak. Just living day to day with this illness takes a massive amount of inner strength and resolve. We emotionally bruise extremely easily, but our skin cannot be punctured.

 

[Gadgie]

Since getting back in contact with my sister, after a twenty year silence, we "face time" every evening, as she lives in Holland, has been there since the early 70s.

She was telling me tonight that she thought I have come a long way in the last few months, compared to what I was when we first got back in touch. I was just a wreck back then.

Then I realised that she was right, I have come a long way, even since joining this site, I've noticed a vast difference in my inner self.

I don't think I would have made it without the support from my sister and the folk in here, I know I've got a long road ahead, but at least I know I'm not alone walking down it now.

 

[The Albatross]

I think that perception bias or inner critic, this is an excellent observation and one that can be worked on to ease the relationship with your friend, "She has to choose what she says carefully and tiptoe around me so as not to upset me".

It might be something worth having a discussion with her about too.

 

[Yunie]

I can relate to this. I have extremely sensitive, and it bothers (mostly) my ex partners. One even told me I would never have a healthy relationship. Since I'm like this, I hate confrontation. I am constantly holding back my feelings until I resent the person I'm with. It's not their fault, but my entire childhood was with a very crass Mother. She was loving and supportive, but she did not like crying or for someone to show too much emotion. I was taking my last break up hard, and she calls me to tell me to get over it..I only should take one day to be sad. My ex husband just became angry every time I talked to him about a problem. He would just shut down and not talk to me. You just have to kind of work through it and force yourself to talk about your feelings...and if this makes the person mad, they're not good enough to spend your feelings on. I wish I could practice this more.

 

[Gadgie]

Is it quite common to break down in tears for no apparent reason? Since being on my own I quite often talk to myself, and my late wife as if she was still here.

I've been trying to change the house round, to get rid of a lot if the stuff that my late wife bought over the years, there is just far too much of it, and I feel like I'm getting nowhere with it.

Being over doing it a bit as well, pushing myself too hard, in fact I had a mini stroke at the weekend, that knocked the wind out of my sails, so I have slowed down a lot since then.

It's these depressive moods that I keep getting, that are dragging me down, that along with the outbursts of tears, is worrying me a bit as well, is this normal, or am I losing it altogether?