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You know you have complex trauma when......
- Post starter Melody coates
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...when the idea of "my abuser" is a foreign concept.
Sure. There was abuse in there. Some of the people involved were abusive. Some of them the relationship was close enough that they were maybe mine. Others, definitely not. Other parts? No. No abuse. No abuser(s) period. Just f*cked up circumstance. Others, had nothing to do with other people. Or little to do with them. Others, meanwhile, totally on me. Others...list goes on. :p
& the wondering of what it would be like to have a "my abuser". Whether one person over years, or a series of people filling the title / fulfilling the same role in my life. Looking at times in my own life for when the same things were repeated over and over, by the same person, or different people fulfilling a role. Yes. That would make things a lot less complicated. If things were always the same. If I were always a victim. Sounds a lot harder, though. Simpler. But harder.
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...when I'm grateful for different kinds of f*cked up shit. Each piece making the other more distinct as to what it was, what it is, what it does.
Sure. There was abuse in there. Some of the people involved were abusive. Some of them the relationship was close enough that they were maybe mine. Others, definitely not. Other parts? No. No abuse. No abuser(s) period. Just f*cked up circumstance. Others, had nothing to do with other people. Or little to do with them. Others, meanwhile, totally on me. Others...list goes on. :p
& the wondering of what it would be like to have a "my abuser". Whether one person over years, or a series of people filling the title / fulfilling the same role in my life. Looking at times in my own life for when the same things were repeated over and over, by the same person, or different people fulfilling a role. Yes. That would make things a lot less complicated. If things were always the same. If I were always a victim. Sounds a lot harder, though. Simpler. But harder.
***
...when I'm grateful for different kinds of f*cked up shit. Each piece making the other more distinct as to what it was, what it is, what it does.
Your T asks you for a timeline of your traumas and you send him a 40 page essay with a note on the bottom that says 'and I have yet to tap into recovering memories. Oh, and by the way, I can't remember anything from the ages of 0 - 12 years old so there might have been some stuff there too. :confused:
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:hilarious:
I usually get tired with my own bullshit & end on page two.
From there it's just a long list of 'f*ck'.
At times with geopolitical rants inserted, in which it's 'f*ck' in a local language.
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LMFAO :roflmao:
You know you have complex trauma when:
When a type of abuse you classify to yourself as 'not that bad' gets the balls of so many other traumata rolling somewhere you really don't want them. (And listening to others with more a clue won't work right now, you're busy fetching your rolling off game wreck.)
God f*cking damn it, stop screwing with my pool, life. My favorite game is untoucheable.
Oh, there. Psych talk is too complicated, even though interesting, but I can keep it together with games.
When a type of abuse you classify to yourself as 'not that bad' gets the balls of so many other traumata rolling somewhere you really don't want them. (And listening to others with more a clue won't work right now, you're busy fetching your rolling off game wreck.)
God f*cking damn it, stop screwing with my pool, life. My favorite game is untoucheable.
Oh, there. Psych talk is too complicated, even though interesting, but I can keep it together with games.
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When trying to explain something...
...when the effects from one kind of trauma >>> negate the effects of another kind of trauma >>> which accentuate the piece from a third kind of trauma >>> which accentuate an effect from the first kind of trauma >>> which trigger a fourth kind of trauma, also negated by the... f*ck me. Probably no one on the planet just followed what makes perfect sense in my head, huh?
Try again.
Trauma A trumps everything.
Trauma B trumps everything that isn't Trauma A.
Trauma C-Z adds/subtracts depending onn
NVM
I've just decided I don't have complex trauma, or PTSD, or absolutely anything to sort out and untangle whatsoever. Again.
...when the effects from one kind of trauma >>> negate the effects of another kind of trauma >>> which accentuate the piece from a third kind of trauma >>> which accentuate an effect from the first kind of trauma >>> which trigger a fourth kind of trauma, also negated by the... f*ck me. Probably no one on the planet just followed what makes perfect sense in my head, huh?
Try again.
Trauma A trumps everything.
Trauma B trumps everything that isn't Trauma A.
Trauma C-Z adds/subtracts depending onn
NVM
I've just decided I don't have complex trauma, or PTSD, or absolutely anything to sort out and untangle whatsoever. Again.
Friday
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When you leave ^^^^ as a draft because it's stupid, until the one above it gets posted...Oh. Maybe not stupid? Wait. Since when have we cared about being stupid? >.< Bed. I'm going back to bed. This never happened.
That's best decided with enough smoothies & food & meds & appropriate clothing & nice scents and --
Nevermind, just co-feeling with you, & concern.
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