...when the idea of "my abuser" is a foreign concept.
Sure. There was abuse in there. Some of the people involved were abusive. Some of them the relationship was close enough that they were maybe mine. Others, definitely not. Other parts? No. No abuse. No abuser(s) period. Just f*cked up circumstance. Others, had nothing to do with other people. Or little to do with them. Others, meanwhile, totally on me. Others...list goes on. :p
& the wondering of what it would be like to have a "my abuser". Whether one person over years, or a series of people filling the title / fulfilling the same role in my life. Looking at times in my own life for when the same things were repeated over and over, by the same person, or different people fulfilling a role. Yes. That would make things a lot less complicated. If things were always the same. If I were always a victim. Sounds a lot harder, though. Simpler. But harder.
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...when I'm grateful for different kinds of f*cked up shit. Each piece making the other more distinct as to what it was, what it is, what it does.