General Your Own Space

[Navy Spouse]

Zipperhead, I think I can speak for everyone here when I say we also wish you the best and pray for your wife to continue to have patients. It's easy to see how much she means to you. I hope you can find little ways to show her how important she is to you. I'm not a sufferer so I don't know how difficult it is to do that but as a supporter it takes very little these days to give me hope and a thread to hold on to in order to keep moving forward.

I can understand needing a break from reading all the comments. I have to take breaks from it also because it becomes depressing. When I'm feeling down it helps to come here because someone else always has it way worse than I do and it helps me snap out of the low and quit feeling sorry for myself.

I can see where coming from the opposite side it would all seem so negative. I know we all have are loved ones best interest in mind but we come here to _itch and complain because we need to release it some where and we know someone here will be in the same boat. It feels good to have someone say you have every right to be unhappy but hang in there.

Keep moving forward and don't disappear from here too long, we do value your insight.

 

[Tinyflame]

Precisely; I've tell my wife when she does this (most of the time anyway, some days I just have to let it go) that it's not okay, and she shouldn't let me think that it is. I need her help in recognizing how my disorder is affecting her, and if she dismisses something that is not okay, I cannot work to correct it.

I totally agree.

 

[LoyalOne]

Sometimes I consider asking Anthony if he can delete my profile and my posts, and try to get my Sgt to check out the Combat site, and maybe this one.

 

[May1321]

Also jumping in late as we had a very fun day moving my sufferer's apartment yesterday :rolleyes:

you can read what other spouses feelings are and have a better understanding of your wifes feelings.

I just want to say to Zipperhead and others sufferers... this is so true. This is why I read other sufferers points of views as well as supporters in ways they've worked through steps to navigate their way through this monster that has brought us all here.

There are things that are definitely different to other types of trauma compared to "combat" per say that I do seek specifically per a reaction my sufferer may be having that is more relevant to his sort of trauma that someone else may not understand but I do not see it as a cause to argue or segregate us all...

I appreciate - if you felt you brought it up - though when I came here I too looked for specific things I could relate to to help me understand. How we do the dance is formed from others experiences and I think it is wonderful for you that you are here sharing your experiences with those who are not close to you even if you aren't able to share them yet with your lady. I know this is something my soldier definitely has trouble with and it is hard to see but I wonder if he could put himself in 'your shoes' so to speak and sneak a peak at what other girlfriends and wives are feeling... maybe he wouldn't get so mad at me when I have a feeling.

In the end we are all supporters and sufferers and the primary monster is the same. It all helps and I'm glad the experience and advice is out there wherever it comes from.

Just know... most of us are here because we haven't given up hope yet... even if there are days we feel like it and vent it. We are all here trying to figure out how, if not to better our partnerships, at least better ourselves for the next time it may come up so we may handle it differently and HOPEFULLY better. (((((HUGS to YOU)))))

 

[May1321]

My reality is that the negative waves are getting to me. I wish the best for all of you, and if I can help, I will. But I need to fix me too. I need all the hope I can get right now. So if I'm not hanging around your area for awhile, it's not your fault. I just can't fight 2 battles at the same time. Please try to keep the hope alive. Your guys are still in there. Help them fight, don't hold them under till they drown.

Precisely; I've tell my wife when she does this (most of the time anyway, some days I just have to let it go) that it's not okay, and she shouldn't let me think that it is. I need her help in recognizing how my disorder is affecting her, and if she dismisses something that is not okay, I cannot work to correct it.

All I can say is "AWESOME!" and thank you guys for thinking this and even if maybe our guys aren't ready to think this, or brave this, just knowing there are two or more out there that are keeps "HOPE" alive... Thank You for continuing to fight for what is right even if it isn't always the easiest thing to do!!! :)

 

[Jet]

Hello,
I have a question if I may? I do not wish to offend or upset anyone but I am curious as to what you (or many of you) believe to be different about PTSD caused by combat as opposed to PTSD brought on by other situations.

The reason I ask is that I have always heard (read, been told, etc...) that PTSD is PTSD irregardless of the cause. However when I read posts by supporters of veterans with PTSD I get the impression that many of you not only believe that it is different but also that you don't think that a sufferer (or supporter of) of PTSD caused by something other then combat would not have any interest in or understanding of PTSD caused by combat or the feelings associated with being a supporter of a veteran with PTSD.

Do not misunderstand me, I get that a veteran might feel more comfortable talking to another veteran (the same as a person who survived sexual assault or domestic violence might feel more comfortable talking to someone who has been in a similar situation) as that person would have had similar experiences and therefor have a deeper understanding of the actual trauma. I also understand that the spouse/supporter of military personal/veteran might want to talk to other spouses/supporters of military/veterans as they will have a better understanding of what it is like to be in that position (example: fear spouse or loved one not returning home, or what it is like to raise children while spouse is overseas).

But those things seem to be more about personal comfort levels rather then about the feelings associated with or the actual symptoms of the disorder itself.

I also get that the training a person in the military receives might make PTSD and it's treatment a bit more complicated as it seems like they are trained/conditioned to have many of the characteristics/symptoms from day one (hyper vigilance, sleep deprivation, etc...). At the same time I think about people who have experienced complex trauma from things like ongoing child abuse or domestic violence and while they have not received formal training most have had these things going on with them for so long that those characteristics are ingrained responses as well.

Over the years I have read many posts by sufferers and supporters alike. And it always seems that when it comes down to it the symptoms tend to be pretty similar and the feelings/frustrations of the supporters seem to be also.

Anyway, I guess you all just got me thinking....

Blessings,
Jackie

PS I would like to thank all of you for providing love and support to military/veterans and especially those who have come back wounded (whether physically or mentally). You are much appreciated and are in my prayers...

 

[wife of]

For me it boils down to one simple thing..

During flashbacks I doubt many supporters of ptsd from other scources have had to disarm someone who is a trained killer and thinks you are a terrorist sent to kill him.

 

[Jet]

Well that's true...Personally I have never had to disarm a trained killer who believed I was terrorist (and I am quite sure you are right in that most supporters have not found themselves in that situation). But I still don't see that as the actual PTSD being different (am I making sense? - haven't had a lot of sleep in the last few days).

I am a sufferer (Complex trauma - childhood abuse and severe domestic violence) however I have also been in the supporter role. Although my ex (abuser) was completely scary psycho he came by his mental health issues quite honestly. In real time he was an extremely violent person. However he also had flashbacks and what not so there were times that his behavior was pretty much out of his control (not that he would have cared one way or the other if he had been aware mind you).

More times then I can count I woke to his hands (and a couple of times a rope) around my neck.Twice I woke to a knife at my throat. On one occasion I woke to find him pointing a shot gun at my head and on another (most scared I have ever been) I found him holding the shotgun to our 10 month old daughter's head (this was aprox. the same age he had been when his father attempted to shoot him). Although he was frequently violent and full of rage these times were different...he was different. He was pale, sweaty/clammy, his eyes were vacant, he was very much not there...not really aware of what was happening.Trained or not at that point I am not sure it mattered...having someone point a loaded weapon at you (or your child) while they are in a place that is mostly unreachable is something beyond frightening.

I don't usually spend a lot of time reading the supporters section. But a few of the posts have caught my eye...I have several friends who are currently serving or who are vets. Four of them (that I know of so far) suffer from combat related PTSD. Another close friend committed suicide within a few months of returning from Iraq. Mostly I am just trying to sort out what is the same, what is similar and what may be different.

 

[LoyalOne]

Good point by wife of. Our combat vets are dangerous people in a lot of respects. (I would hope so - that is/was their job). And not only are they trained killers for the most part, but they have the attitudes, habits, and (omg) language of soldiers.

And you are right, Jet - someone pointing a gun at a baby, you don't ask what their resume looks like before you react.

 

[Zipperhead]

Suck back and reload there Loyal! We talk funny? What colours the sky on your planet? If our vernacular confuses you, maybe you need a better dictionary! ;)

 

[LoyalOne]

Haha - I didn't $&#^$% say it was &*%*($&% funny, soldier! Now $%*(&% the *(&^%(%$!!!!

 

[Zipperhead]

Oh, He's Infantry. Sorry, I can't talk that one either. Us Tankers are more sophisticated like.