General Your Own Space

[May1321]

((((((JET))))))

It's a horribly vicious cycle and I think it definitely starts with our awareness whether our experiences or sacrifices are big or small, military or civilian. I truly believe that no matter who we are, we all have felt the ripple of something from various people having been raised certain ways, etc. and the PTSD monster just increases those ripples within each of us. i.e. combat PTSD could easily ignite abuse a soldier had growing up, etc. and eventually he TOO could be a monster with a lost conscience as the vicious cycle has taken control of him/her.

You have no reason, I'm sure you know, to beat yourself up. If there was a way to give you back what was taken away from you, or you were forced to give up.... Oh how I wish..... :(

Here's to saving what good is out there and within *cheers*

 

[Jet]

Nicolette, no worries...just that I had noticed a few posts and it got me thinking. Personally, even if supporters had gotten their own section I would not have minded (although I completely understand Anthony's take on the situation).

Certainly different traumas will produce different reactions although the PTSD itself is the same? And of course there are going to be some things a person who is not in that particular position would have difficulty relating to but I would think that would apply to pretty much all the different types of trauma. For example, I would not necessarily expect that the spouse/supporter of a veteran with combat related PTSD would have a complete understanding of what I (or my partner) went thru if I (as a survivor of CSA) had a flashback while having sex. Yet I could see how their experience dealing with flashbacks in general might provide some answers/insight in dealing with that particular symptom in itself. Maybe not the content but the symptom.

I have read Anthony's Understanding PTSD article but to tell you the truth I often have difficulty retaining information these days. However, asking questions and talking to sufferers/supporters kind of gets my brain working in a different fashion and I can think things out a bit better and retain the information.

I sort of wondered if 1) there really was something different about the actual PTSD itself (and therefor maybe my thoughts and the way I relate to my friends with combat related PTSD should be modified as to provide a different kind of support) and 2) if supporters felt that they were alone and needed to clump together because of those differences.

 

[Whimsy]

Zipperhead, I don't know you, but you sound like my husband who is also C-PTSD. This will sound weird but thank you for sounding like my husband. You say what I hope my husband would say, might someday say. He is angry (read feels threatened) that I am trying to get help for myself, to cope, if I can't get him to get help. It isn't healthy for him if I vent to him, we have enough discord as it is, but it is sooo hard to always be the one who is understanding, loving, calm, dependable, responsible and in charge over every decision. I want to be able to be angry without him jumping to the conclusion that I am leaving him, I want to be able to ask him for help without him twisting it into implied criticism (I don't help enough). I want him to make decisions about anything, so that I don't feel like we are living my life together instead of our life together. I want to be able to be depressed about the day, or whatever and have him just give me a comforting hug, not get verbal abuse because he assumes he is the cause of it, and feels guilty. I want to be able to yell and scream and dammit break a wall or two of my own, instead of being the one to weather the storm. I am tired of being the strong one. I absolutely hate that when I get to the bottom of all my ranting my number one emotion stems from utter jealousy, because I know very well what he has gone through and what he goes through and I know just how sick it is to be jealous of his life. I feel guilty all the time because I know that so much of my feelings stem from jealousy and then angry for feeling guilty, cuz dammit here I am, still a soldier, and there is my husband, at home. And then the cycle starts over until I wonder if maybe PTSD is catching, like guys that suffer through symptoms of pregnancy. Hmm. The Point is-
I don't know what you said previously to cause you to write this but it made me feel better reading what you had to say, because the person I want most to understand all this is of course my husband. I wish you the best for you and your wife, and hope you keep writing.
It is good to hear other voices that feel the same things I am, like echoes knowing I am not alone in this
It feels great to hear from someone who is on the other side of the conversation, that I can't have yet , with my husband.

 

[IvyMillie]

Zipperhead I really like your comments. I think it has helped me alot to get a better understanding of what the sufferers think and feel. I've posted on the sufferers side sometimes to understand the thinking behind the actions and words. It helps me to understand my husband better, since he doesn't talk about it.

It is a situation in which there will be disparity because we the carers and sufferers have to be understanding of each other but that's sometimes a long bridge to cross. Realistically, I can't truly understand in the deepest sense what you sufferers are going through, but every bit of light shed on it helps me to be more compassionate.

We also share things about each of our situations and relationships. Each relationship may be different, but we can learn from each other. We can see how much work it takes, and be reminded that it's worth it.

Us carers need to be reminded of what we can do to be better at what we need to do. Sometimes we don't know. Some of our sufferers aren't good communicators.

I've only been on this site for a couple of months and it has improved my relationship tremendously, because I understand his behavior so much more. I don't take it nearly as personal. I think I see it more as the illness that it is. Plus, I have a place to express my frustrations and pain too.

I hope you will continue to comment. We can really benefit from your comments, as I mentioned my husband isn't good at expressing himself--so it helps so much that sufferers provide their insight for us. Even if you feel negative it's okay, because this is a place where we can express ourselves. :)