Your story?

[ILoveLife]

I've written my story... I tried doing it while still in an abusive relationship and couldn't muster the strenght, went a bit nuts over it, had blanks, froze, the works. Afterwards I wrote what I remembered, which triggered new memories. Then wrote it again, and again.
The diary idea is good.

Recently I've been writing about my present life and the consequences of trauma instead of the traumatic events itself, warts and all. It's a nice exercise, makes me deal with unwanted thoughts, intrusive thoughts and makes me accountable to be a better person.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Thanks everyone for thier advice! It has been beyond helpful!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

well I am seriously terrified.

I was too. Before this site it was paper and pen and OMG WAS I TERRIFIED TO WRITE IT! I also had no idea where to start and it was all just a jumbled mess. Usually I would write words that made no sense together and would run the pen through the same line back and forth until it ate through several pages and kids like drawings that you could barely make out. Much of my therapy was my therapist taking the words and scribbled drawing and the probing for me with closed ended questions (a yes/no question). My face and body langauge answered for him when he had gotten it right or was close. This wasn't all of my therapy back then but most of the stuff around my trauma at first. Eventually I was able to open up more and more but that took a real long time. I very long time.

.the last time I was writing about my trauma and everything...it was horrible

And it maybe again and if it is then the good news is you can stop if it gets bad. You can rip up the paper and forget it or just not hit "post thread" on here. But, you may find as I eventually did, that writting it expresses it. I wrote a letter "to my mom" (meaning a thread on here and she never read it but it was a letter written to her from me) and I was sweating and out of breath at the end. All I was doing was using my thumbs on my phone. I wasn't even physiclly writting. It was all of these emotions expressed. And I felt better. Not a ton but a little bit. It had come out and some of that weight was out of me. Emotions are made to be expressed. You may find that you have to put a word at a time or a few at a time. Or you may find drawing it easier. Or maybe something like poetry (which I also did a lot of) is more up your ally. But, the expression of emotions is a good thing and many times we feel better, lighter.

It's scary letting it out but if you ask me it"s a much needed thing. Keeping it a secert forever eats away at your soul. In my opinion.

 

[katz]

I created a timeline of my life from birth to current day listing anything I thought had a serious...

I did this too. I even went back and added some photos of myself at the different ages. I found it a very learning experience. I can really see the changes in myself as the years went by. Some years good, other years bad - then some...worse.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

I think I am going to take everything you guys have said and ponder it and ask my T for further direction on where to start/what she exactly meant.. idk. @lostforgottensoul Thank you so much for the encouragement!

 

[Harmonics]

At T it was suggested that I consider writing my story to deal with the trauma that I though...

My T suggested using post-it notes. I write just enough that I know what event I am referring to--no unnecessary details. Then I can place the notes into my timeline as I figure out when things happened. I only work on that journal in one place in my apartment (NOT in my bedroom), and no more than 2 or 3 events per day. Basically, I am using that journal as a containment tool for the memories. So far, it has really reduced the number of flashbacks. Also, instead of reliving certain traumas over and over, I am now moving on to other ones. Once I record those memories, they don't seem to plague me as much. I don't know if I will ever get to the point of talking about the memories in therapy. My T has made it clear that will be my choice, and mine alone. I appreciate that because I did disclose a lot to a previous therapist years ago and ended up very retraumatized with a T who had no idea how to handle trauma and dissociation.

 

[Freida]

Have you ever used One Note? It's a Microsoft program and it is a great place for jotting down notes and separating them into categories, then compiling them later. It might be a place you can stash stuff and then bring it back easily when you are ready

 

[lostforgottensoul]

One Note

Or EverNote on a moble device.