"you're Making It Up"

[Thatoneuser]

Yesterday, during a heated argument with one of my aunts, she actually said that she thinks I'm "making up some of" what happened to me.

I was completely shocked and taken aback. This is an aunt whose handwriting I have tattooed on my body because she was like a second mother to me. I never thought she would intentionally hurt me like that. I suffered in silence through what was going on through that nearly decade-long ordeal, finally breaking down and telling my family my story two years after the person who did that to me had gotten out of my life.

I mean, yes, I said some things I shouldn't have during that argument. Things I regret saying now, but nothing quite as bad as that. As soon as she said that, I completely lost all respect for her.

So now, i'm conflicted. I want to call her and apologize for the things I said to her during the argument, but I also feel like she should call me first and apologize for saying that.

I have to see her on a regular basis. How should I deal with her now? I can't stand her at the moment, but I still love her husband and daughter very much. My uncle is the only consistent, caring father figure i've had in my life and myou cousin is actually more like my sister.

I'm angry, hurt and clueless as to how I should go about handling a situation like this. Does anyone have any advice?

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

You could write her a letter? Is she the type of person who would say something she doesn't believe in the heat of an argument to hurt you?

I mean, yes, I said some things I shouldn't have during that argument. Things I regret saying now,

I'd own it if I were you.

I want to call her and apologize for the things I said to her during the argument, but I also feel like she should call me first and apologize

You can wait by the phone for the apology or you can own that you said horrible things too. People say nasty things to each other in arguments. Not to justify, what she did is really horrible. Be the better person tell her you regret what you said and apologies and then explain to her how much what she said hurt you. What I'd do is say something like "I have really appreciated our relationship over the years but if we are to continue it in the future we need to work on communication. If we feel we're going to say hatful things to one another we wil later come to regret we need to be able to walk away from the conversation or express ourselves with empathy rather than anger."
This isn't is just an idea and I feel I need to qualify that I don't raise my voice to anyone and I generally shrink rather than be assertive. But I won't take shit from people except family that's where all the lines get blurred.

 

[foreveralone2099]

i keep a ton of emotional distance between me and people who think i'm full of shit re: some of the abusive behavior i've had to suffer thru over the years. my advice on this forum is fairly predictable: i don't think timewasters are worth wasting our time on. if you do end up writing the letter, i'd be very interested to hear how it turns out though.

 

[Deadman]

You said hurtful things. She said hurtful things. So you were both angry jerks. Who is going to hold out the longest to to prove they were the lesser jerk?

 

[princess5]

Yesterday, during a heated argument with one of my aunts, she actually said that she thinks I'm "ma...

I advise keeping your distance and giving it time. As I look back over the past 30 years of my life, I know I would have recovered faster, much faster, had I avoided family! I think the interactions and their attitudes, and my desire to want them to like me, etc. kept me stuck in PTSD mode. Then, later, when I came to a level of recovery I could handle being around them; I was stronger. That's my advise. I don't think it matters that you said unpleasant things--I say good for you for sticking up for yourself. How many family members stuck up for you when the wicked things happened?