Getting A Grip On My Anger

[shimmerz]

I typically don't get angry. I hear this is not a good thing. Some anger is healthy. I have realized along the way that I was afraid of my anger.

Two nights ago I experienced anger like I never have before. It was based on a betrayal and this emotion was about a month in coming. There was no punching or screaming but my body was shaking I was so angry. I actually felt it and was able to identify it as anger. This was HUGE for me.

My usual symptoms have been fainting whenever I feel any kind of strong emotion, but the past two months have had this symptom fall away somehow. I feel like I was actually able to safely acknowledge my anger, assign appropriately the cause of my anger and was able to verbalize my anger in a way that was true to me, able to think as I expressed myself. The person did not, of course, acknowledge that my anger was justified, and for once that was okay with me. I knew I had good reasons to feel the way I did.

I think through that evening (and it lasted all evening into the morning), I learned to trust my anger. I wasn't afraid of it anymore. The following morning I woke up and got on with making 'forward' plans about my life. I felt free somehow from attachments to this person I was angry at. No question here really, I am just mulling these new behaviours and feelings over.

 

[City Slicker]

I think that is such a tremendous accomplishment. I can only imagine how you feel right now having peeled back this layer to see that your anger won't do the things to you that it used to. I know how huge this is. I understand there wasn't a question but I wanted to acknowledge this milestone.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

That is amazing, shimmerz. I'm so happy for you.
I know how hard it can be to allow emotions in, especially anger and grief. I already struggled with that before my ptsd and after a year of specialised emotional therapy I cried for over 2 hours, which was the first time in years. I'm still working on getting angry when I'm supposed to, but I feel that since that break down I have become a lot better at recognising and letting in my emotions. I hope this will be the start of great change for you as well.

:hug:

 

[WillyKat]

Wow! Congrats on the self-discovery!

I had a slightly similar experience a couple of years ago where I was able to embrace my anger as a legitimate part of who I was. It's a way of owning it and taking responsibility and at the same time understand and feel that it has legitimate roots. Since then, I've had less anger and I'm able to tolerate certain things for longer before being triggered. It's a work in progress.

 

[arfie]

Good progress, Shimmerz. Your entire nervous system will eventually thank you for it.

When I first gave myself permission to acknowledge and feel my anger, a dam broke. I had developed zero anger management skills, so the whelming was absolute. It took me years to develop the balance to manage my stronger emotions. It got easier with practice. These days my anger is typically brief and well-targeted. I can vent fresh, well-defined anger far more easily and constructively than I was able to vent all the residual angers I built up during the years of repression. Justified anger at a family member no longer emerges as road rage, etc.

Yea you!!! May the progress hold steady.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think this a major breakthrough for you. Emotions are so exhausting but we build up a tolerance of them over time. It is different than hate.

I think betrayal is one of the hardest things to heal from in my opinion. Good for you.