It's been a few months since my home was broken into while I was home. Within the past month I've been able to be home by myself again for a few hours (I live with family). Two months after the break-in I started taking showers alone in the house, but I've not been able to nap at home alone for four months. It's only when my family is home that I can sleep, but even then I wake up involuntarily when I hear a sound outside or noise in the house. For the past four months my sleep schedule has fluctuated and my anxiety has worsened. I don't live in a very good neighborhood and have had other unnerving and traumatic events happen while living here. Within the past week I've felt very weak and it feels like legs and arms are heavy, yet tingly. I feel jittery and when I'm home alone I feel like it's hard to concentrate on anything except my surroundings.
Right now I'm home alone and I feel sad. In the past being alone never bothered me. I could spend hours upon hours by myself, but now I don't like to be alone for more than an hour or two, and night I don't like being alone for more than 30 minutes. I feel sad because I feel unsafe, vulnerable, and unprotected. I worry about someone breaking in again or something bad happening outside my home, and feel like I have no way to defend myself or get away (I also do not have a car) so if I had to get away I'd have to run on foot. I have pets and would never leave them to be hurt, so thinking about this also makes me very sad and angry.
I feel like a little child and not a woman. I'm in my early twenties, but I feel really old sometimes, but also very small and child-like. In the past I could walk around the neighborhood, sit outside, take naps and showers when I was alone, and generally felt safe. Now I feel sick, scared, and weak 85% of the time. I don't have any friends so i can't leave anytime to go somewhere with others. If I leave I have to be alone. I'm alone a lot and that has begun to terrify me. I planned to live alone in my own apartment or house, but the thought makes me feel sick. I'd rather live with others, but I feel like a burden being a young adult woman who is afraid of being left by herself. I wasn't like this before and I don't know how to feel safe and strong, and able to defend or protect myself anymore. I just feel like I'm always on alert and I'm so tired.
Right now I'm home alone and I feel sad. In the past being alone never bothered me. I could spend hours upon hours by myself, but now I don't like to be alone for more than an hour or two, and night I don't like being alone for more than 30 minutes. I feel sad because I feel unsafe, vulnerable, and unprotected. I worry about someone breaking in again or something bad happening outside my home, and feel like I have no way to defend myself or get away (I also do not have a car) so if I had to get away I'd have to run on foot. I have pets and would never leave them to be hurt, so thinking about this also makes me very sad and angry.
I feel like a little child and not a woman. I'm in my early twenties, but I feel really old sometimes, but also very small and child-like. In the past I could walk around the neighborhood, sit outside, take naps and showers when I was alone, and generally felt safe. Now I feel sick, scared, and weak 85% of the time. I don't have any friends so i can't leave anytime to go somewhere with others. If I leave I have to be alone. I'm alone a lot and that has begun to terrify me. I planned to live alone in my own apartment or house, but the thought makes me feel sick. I'd rather live with others, but I feel like a burden being a young adult woman who is afraid of being left by herself. I wasn't like this before and I don't know how to feel safe and strong, and able to defend or protect myself anymore. I just feel like I'm always on alert and I'm so tired.
