General Trauma Work & Skills You Learn - Sufferers, Please Respond

[MandyLou]

I was recently discussing trauma work in a different thread with @Justmehere and others, and I decided to create this thread in hopes of gaining more understanding as to what trauma work entails. Many sufferers have a lot of experience with therapy and I'm looking forward to hearing from all those who would like to explore this any further and perhaps share some of their experiences.

I have heard that that when a sufferer is seeing a counselor, PTSD can oftentimes get worse before it gets better. I am not quite sure why it is that way... but is it because the sufferer openly talks about things that hurt thus the painful experiences come to the surface? I would guess that they learn to be more in touch with themselves and their emotions. This is just my perspective and I hope that some of your can offer some insight regarding this.

What do you think is important for the loved ones/supporters to remember while the sufferer doesn't communicate as much during this time and creates immense space? It would certainly make sense to give them their space so they can work through things. What can you do if the sufferer doesn't respond or receive the offered help? should you communicate at all or just let it be while they go through this on their own? I know that every person is different, but what have your experiences been? What has helped and what hasn't?

What do you think should the supporter know abut trauma work and what their sufferer may be experiencing at that time?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

is it because the sufferer openly talks about things that hurt thus the painful experiences come to the surface?

Yes, partly.

What can you do if the sufferer doesn't respond or receive the offered help? should you communicate at all or just let it be while they go through this on their own?

Im a sufferer but this depends on the circumstances...for me anyway.

What do you think should the supporter know abut trauma work and what their sufferer may be experiencing at that time?

Again, depends on the person, their trauma, their therapist, what therapy, and circumstances but id say what id want my family to know if they'd listen. It happened, and it takes time. Not only will it get worse before better but there are peaks and valleys along the way. It takes a lot of hard work on either side, a lot of time, and patience on either side.

 

[ladee]

I feel you would have to do a lot of reading about being a supporter, PTSD, and all the other things that are possible with this... each of our experiences, while close in essence, is very individual, just as your PTDS partner's is... The wonderful thing about getting and learning as much information as you can, helps you to be a better partner, more understanding, but also letting you know you have to take care of yourself....
Educating yourself, you will know what applies to your situation and what doesn't... Sorry I don't have any real life suggestions for you, as it all varies so much from person to person... wishing you well on your journey.

 

[MandyLou]

@lostforgottensoul ,

thanks for your feedback. Let me ask you this - when you initially started therapy, did you struggle with self-esteem issues? I know that many who begin uncovering their problems may feel worthless, less inclined to reach out to others, etc. Do you think that therapy, especially in initial stages can make the person become more self-aware and withdraw from others?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

when you initially started therapy, did you struggle with self-esteem issues?

I still have self esteem issues, therapy hasnt helped that...yet.

Do you think that therapy, especially in initial stages can make the person become more self-aware and withdraw from others?

Intial stages for me was years, 6 to be exact, of just moving blame off myself. More self aware, depends i suppose. Yes, ive come to some self awareness during these last few years of therapy. Intial years was basically me bucking at everything.

Does it make me reach out less? No, for me i dont see any decline in my want to reach out. I see fear increasing as people abandoned me but that was about abandonment. Ive always had a want to reach out. Just fear stopped/stops me.

 

[Justmehere]

I am not quite sure why it is that way... but is it because the sufferer openly talks about things that hurt thus the painful experiences come to the surface? I would guess that they learn to be more in touch with themselves and their emotions. This is just my perspective and I hope that some of your can offer some insight regarding this.

Like others have said, this is part of it. It can be destabilizing to do this because it is deeply painful and exhausting, and it's re-exposure to the events that brought on the symptoms in the first place. I'm sure there are other reasons as well. The trauma is what brought the symptoms in the first place, and re-visting it is inviting more symptoms, for a season, until the trauma is processed.

Plus, therapy is exhausting. My therapist is always telling me that when therapy becomes easy, then I know I'm ready to end therapy. In therapy, people generally build up coping skills first before diving into trauma work where they process the trauma itself because it can be so destabilizing to go back and deal with the events that lead to the symptoms in the first place.

It would certainly make sense to give them their space so they can work through things.

Respecting boundaries is important. The only exception is if person with PTSD being in immediate danger of acting on suicidial or homicidial thoughts.

I know that every person is different, but what have your experiences been? What has helped and what hasn't?

It helps me when a supporter has:
- respected boundaries
- had boundaries of their own
- told me what they are feeling and thinking about me and the relationship
- doesn't assume what I'm thinking and feeling
- accepted that it was going to take time to build trust
- gently and clearly called me out if I was being a jerk
- reassured me they were there
- didn't assume anything or everything I did was because of PTSD, i.e. didn't overly pathologize me

What do you think should the supporter know abut trauma work and what their sufferer may be experiencing at that time?

For me, sometimes it's like re-living the trauma.... slowly... It's awful. It's also one of the best things I've ever done.

 

[seedling]

For me it was the PTSD that made me want to withdraw and that brought on the onslaught of low self-esteem fueled by overwhelming shame.
Then came the challenge of exploring that in therapy.
Six years later I have a handle on the basics (;)) but stuff still comes up to deal with. Just getting through another one of those periods.
PTSD exposed me to, seemingly, every hidden bad memory from my childhood. Every roiling emotion that was safely tucked away is now ready to (and does!) make it's way to the surface.

It's also possible that therapy makes things "worse" because it creates a safe space for it to be dealt with, therefore it presents itself for processing.
Therapy can also help to create more of those kinds of safe places by helping us work on personal and work relationships and get in a better place. Then more stuff comes up for release.

It takes an immense amount of energy to exist in the present in a functional way while dealing with an erupting volcano of the past inside my head. I think that's where the need for space comes from.

 

[MandyLou]

@Justmehere - thank you for sharing. Being on the other end it can be difficult to understand when to be there and when not to be there. You try to read the signs whenever the sufferer appears to be ready, try to approach them carefully, let them know you're available and give them the space to reach back to you.

What are some of the coping skills that sufferers learn? Are you in-therapy techniques that help with trauma exploration, or... are they just particular skills for the sufferer to learn when they feel more symptomatic?

You talked about building trust. Would you be able to elaborate on that a little bit?

 

[Justmehere]

What are some of the coping skills that sufferers learn? Are you in-therapy techniques that help with trauma exploration, or... are they just particular skills for the sufferer to learn when they feel more symptomatic?

Coping skills help with immediate PTSD symptoms as well as future PTSD symptoms. A few of the coping skills that can be taught in therapy: DBT skills - especially distress tolerance, CBT thought challenging techniques, mindfulness, grounding, distraction techniques, relationship skills, boundary keeping skills (which yes is a coping skill), ego state work - like internal dialogue skills, self care, self soothing, etc. (Very short list of all kinds of coping skills that can be taught.)

You talked about building trust. Would you be able to elaborate on that a little bit?

Trauma taught me people will possibly kill me, or worse, even if they say they love me. It takes lots of time to build trust in others that they won't turn out to be the same.

 

[MandyLou]

@Justmehere - I hadn't realized until recently that a lot of sufferers have difficulty trusting others. Well, that would certainly depend on their individual experience, but why do you think that's the case? For example, a combat vet, why would a combat vet with PTSD have difficulty trusting others? I've read a lot about PTSD in the last few months and hadn't realized that so many of them have difficulty in their relationships. It is self-explanatory why relationship gets impacted, because the person is greatly impacted, but it still remain somewhat a mystery to me as to why trusting issues are usually present.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm not a combat vet, so I can't say from personal experience what it is like for any vet. Hopefully someone who is a combat vet will chime in.

I know that military training, and the general experience of way, makes vulnerability really hard. There are some threads about that on the forums, and this article here explains it to: https://lifeafterwar.org/2015/01/14/combat-vets-and-trust-why-its-so-hard-to-let-others-in/

 

[MandyLou]

@Justmehere - thank you for the link. It was enlightening! In the end, it's the risk you've got to take - let others in if you're going to love them back and grow a relationship with them. Oftentimes, it means putting your fears aside and deciding to move forward and be vulnerable by choice. Of course, feelings of mistrust and difficulty connecting won't go away overnight and perhaps never, but anyone seeking a close relationship with another HAS to take the risk, if not, then there is not relationship. The wall just grows to be taller and thicker and become completely impenetrable.