Research Did Your Ptsd Sufferer Come Back After Their Bail Out? Tell Your Story Please

[Sandstone]

That sounds complicated

From the dates, it sounds as though you are being unduly hard on yourself. You say that the first time you got out was after 15 years of marriage, and you also say your husband was extremely abusive for 20 years. So you weren't bailing from a perceived threat, you were sensibly taking yourself and your children away from a real danger, one which you say pursued you 2000 miles.

Then 15 months later, still within the 20 years of abuse, you escaped again.

Who is telling you that you are safe now? How do you know it is true?

 

[Casey_03]

Yes, I get the feeling that your husband has somehow convinced you that this is all your fault and part of a disease, when in actuality it sounds like you really should have been running from him. I don't think your sanity was ever at risk, it sounds more like you were reacting to the extreme stress of a severely abusive situation. It sounds like you need to get out. Like, now. When you say "I can't seem to get my shit together," that sounds to me like battered woman syndrome -- you're blaming yourself for not wanting to be in an abusive relationship. Why do you think you're somehow to blame for wanting to be happy and healthy? That's a completely normal desire. Staying in the relationship, on the other hand, seems dangerous and deeply masochistic, and possibly worse for your children in the long run. Even if your husband has changed, or if you think he has, the relationship is still abusive because he's going to be a constant trigger for you.

 

[Chimera]

I am wondering, is there an end date to this collection of "data", as any sort of scientific study dictates a time frame.
Also, when would you be sharing this data, as I will be most interested in reading it.

Thanks,
Chi

 

[Sandstone]

@Chimera the OP is banned, so we may never benefit from his researches.

 

[Chimera]

@Chimera the OP is banned, so we may never benefit from his researches.

Ahhhh..ty for letting me know..

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yes I'm living with my past abuser. He knows why I'm the way I am and that he is responsible for my PTSD, but he is also fighting just as hard as I am to save this family. I just can't get my shit together and the more I try to force myself into this well-defined position of wife and mother, the more and more I want to end it all. I want to run because I don't want to die. I am the danger to myself now and I fight the urge every day.

There is no way in hell that i could get better if i had contact with my abusers let alone live with them.

Your "bailouts" make complete sense to me. Maybe some seperation while you are getting individual therapy and then couples therapy before you go back; making some boundries and plans, almost like fire drills, and both continue therapy coming together for couples therapy ever month or so many sessions.

But you need to be in a healthy enviroment condicive to healing and with your abuser (illregardless that he stopped 5 yrs ago) doesnt sound like it and in my opinion you will always think "i need to get away from here".

Tske care of yourself! :hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

so we may never benefit from his researches.

He "shared" in another thread but its full of factual incorrect data. I believe its in PTSD relationships (or click on his username and get the popup and where it says "messages" click on the number the 2nd to the last i believe is that thread.) Its closed but if you'd like to read what he feels his research gave him, that might be the closest.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I think the data he was trying to compile just isn't able to be compiled. Too many outside factors.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I completely agree @Sweetpea76

 

[scout86]

I'm not sure he was collecting data as much as he was trying to justify his version of reality.

 

[EveHarrington]

@scout86

I do believe you're correct as his threads seemed to all have a slight twist on the same theme but never yielded him the results he so desired.

I hope that one day he can open himself up to the realities of PTSD without being so focused on predicting the exact moment his sufferer will come back. I understand he lost his girlfriend but at the same time, change needs to happen on both sides IMHO for that relationship to be viable once more and the focus was a bit misplaced-----that is the focus shouldn't really be on when the sufferer will "wake up" and come back, rather changing the relationship as a whole so things are better for BOTH parties.

 

[scout86]

It's not fair to discuss him when he's not here to defend himself, I guess, but I kept wondering if the gf left him because she had PTSD or if she left him because he manifested the same attitude in their relationship that he did here. He struck me as a "my way or the highway" kind of guy. (I could be wrong about that.) That kind of person isn't always easy to live with. That was the point I was trying to make when I mentioned my ex-husband. If you'd asked HIM, it was all my fault that our marriage ended and he'd no doubt have blamed it on PTSD too, if he'd known I had it. But that wasn't the reason I left. I kind of wonder if it was the reason SHE left.