Isolation And Self Esteem

[sun seeker]

Not sure this is the right place to put this, but it seems closer to depression than anything else. Does anyone relate to this, and have ideas on how to get out of it?

A few situations have come together lately where I felt rejected because people have trouble knowing how to be around me because of my trauma. My support system is suddenly smaller than I thought it was.

What I notice happening, besides that I'm sad and scared about being so alone, is it's way harder to go out in the world and do normal things. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me, and like I have no right to anything good because I am so different from everyone else. Then I get scared of the consequences of staying at home and not doing anything, and after a while, my life feels impossible.

I can see, from writing this, that I'm globalizing the issue. But it does feel that way. How do you get yourself moving and out of the rut of negativity when you feel like this? I don't even know if I'm explaining it adequately. Sigh.

 

[rascal]

I'm in this exact same spot. You expressed it perfectly!

I'm interested in seeing how others got through this.

 

[sun seeker]

Why is it we go from "people don't understand what I'm going through" to "it must be something wrong with me and it will never get better" so quickly?

Lots of childhood practice, I guess.

 

[Friday]

Question for you: Judging you and finding you ________ ?

 

[sun seeker]

Judging you and finding you ________ ?

Hard to be around, or not worth the trouble. Also incompetent. Basically, blaming me for being this way because I haven't tried hard enough. Which I have... but someone who hasn't been through what I've been through might not know that.

 

[rascal]

Why is it we go from "people don't understand what I'm going through" to "it must be something wrong with me and it will never get better" so quickly?

Lots of childhood practice, I guess.

For the first one, I've learned that people that are hellbent on misunderstanding you aren't worth trying to make understand. Took me a looooong time to really "get" that one though. That said, all of that goes out the window when I'm confronted with new people and new situations.

As for the 2nd, yeah, I don't know. I often feel like a burden and like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to isolate because that gets me nowhere, but I need to isolate because the world is too scary for me right now. It's a catch-22 and it's been like this for a long time now. I wish I knew how to break free from it!

 

[Friday]

So... Before I answer the first bit, you know those are projections, right? ;) Like the anorexic who thinks everyone else thinks he's fat?

Sounds like those are probably either things you believe about yourself, or the reasons your friend gave, or a hellish amalgamation of the two that, yep, globalizing (from 1 all) and projecting onto everyone else.

 

[sun seeker]

I don't want to isolate because that gets me nowhere, but I need to isolate because the world is too scary for me right now.

Yup. I get you on that one.

There are things I've already committed to that I am pushing myself to do. But all the "I should be doing this, but there is no one waiting to know if I've done it" things? And the improving my social network things? Those have gone out the window.

 

[sun seeker]

Before I answer the first bit, you know those are projections, right?

Sort of.

So, yes, I am projecting about what "everyone" thinks of me. "Everyone" doesn't know me well enough to think anything bad.

People who get to know me better, though, more often than not do judge me as not trying hard enough. I know they just don't get it. So some of it is projecting, but it's a combination of projection and taking on the opinions of people who matter to me. I guess the question is how to extricate my self esteem from uneducated opinions.

 

[rascal]

@sun seeker Yeah, I do a lot of scheming around the social aspects of making my future plans a reality. I'm convinced I can make a living on the internet somehow. We'll see that goes, haha!

RE: projections. I do a lot of work in therapy learning how not to react. People are going to have opinions everywhere you go. We're all meaning-generating opinion-creating animals. What I have control over (or at least, what I'm working to have control over) is how I respond to the meanings and opinions of others that trigger me or don't jive with where I'm at. Lotta work sometimes, but it's rewarding when you can get into that "Observer" state of mind and just appreciate that other people have unique perspectives and that's that.

 

[oasis2003]

One thing that I do when someone gives me a dirty or judgemental look is flash it right back. You can protect yourself with a force field or wrap yourself in an egg to protect yourself. Give yourself lots of self compassion . People are going to be harsh you have to try not to take it to heart or use a mesh around you it really helps me so I hope it might help you .